Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Power Rangers: Time Force 101


Before I turn it over to Saban and Lynn, let me clear one thing up: Saying that Time Force is a good season is like saying that the Hindenburg was comparatively light disaster. Oh, don't get me wrong, this season has a relatively decent corps of actors, but, well, as will become apparent, it's terrible in its own way.


Saban: Judd, we're in trouble, if we can't get this ship turned around over the next season, I'll have no choice but to scuttle the franchise and run her aground.

Lynn: That's....a lot of nautical metaphors. You're not going to make the Rangers have an aquabase again, are you?

Saban: I don't know, what's the source material about.

Lynn: Time travel.

Saban: (excited) Time travel? Now that is motherfucking outstanding. We could have an episode were the Rangers go back in time and kick Genghis Khan's ass, or maybe-

Lynn: Um....actually, the Rangers only go back in time once...and it's to the present.

Saban: (dejected) Fucking Japan....okay, what ideas do you have this time?

Lynn: Okay, I was thinking that the Rangers could be mutant refugees from the future who go back in time to escape a police state where the genetically impure are put in prison camps. Now, I know that this is a bit different than what we usually do, but I think-

Saban: Judd, I'm going to stop you right there, now, I like the idea of genetically perfect humans hunting fown mutants and putting them in camps, but I don't see why the Rangers can't be the perfect ones.

Lynn: Um...well...eugenics is....a bit unpopular nowadays, and so people might not be entirely happy with....Have you even seen Gattaca?

Saban: Yeah, mankind had built an awesome society and Ethan Hawke had to go around fucking it up with his inferior genes.

Lynn: Right....I....this is my two weeks' notice.

Saban: Ah, Judd, you kidder, now, we're going need some characters. Red Ranger, what do you got for me?

Lynn: Well, I mean, I don't know, I guess he's some Aryan ubermensch from the future who-

Saban: Nah, we need a viewpoint character, so make him from the present.

Lynn: Okay, so he's from the present and the Rangers recruit him because....I don't know, their morphers will only work if he unlocks them, because he's genetically identical to some douche from the future.

Saban: See, Judd? That wasn't so hard. Now, Blue Ranger! Go!

Lynn: Uh....I guess he's some hotshot hovercar racer from the future...or something.

Saban: Nah...hovercars sound expensive, let's just make him a regular racecar driver.

Lynn: But, he comes from a thousand years in the future!

Saban: Eh...I don't really care.

Lynn: Of course not.

Saban: Now, then the green Ranger...I was thinking an alien.

Lynn: Wait, an alien, I thought you were all about cutting costs.

Saban: When I say alien I mean dyed hair and some cheap forehead decoration. Yeah, an alien...and he has telepathy.

Lynn: Why would an alien be able to read human minds? Er, okay, he's a alien, but since he's also the quirky comic relief character of the team. Now for name-

Saban: Tripp, his name is Tripp.

Lynn: He's.....he's an alien, why would his name be Tripp?

Saban: Hey, I don't tell you how to do your job.

Lynn: But....naming character is part of my job....

Saban: Don't worry about it, now, as per the footage we received, we need a Yellow Ranger, and looking at the focus groups results from last season, it's clear that we receive a lot less complaints from those damn feminists if one of the girls looks ripped or physically imposing or something. So, work with that.

Lynn: Okay....well, the cast as is isn't particularly tall, so it might be possible to find an actress that would be the tallest on the team.

Saban: Beautiful, and give her super-strength too, let's load the dice here, we really can't afford to take another hit.

Lynn: Is this about Maya's outfit from Lost Galaxy? Because I told you that-

Saban: Hey, I made a command decision and I stand by it!

Lynn: Wait, why would she have super-strength, I thought the Rangers were supposed to be genetically perfect or something.

Saban: I'm sure you'll work something out. Now, Pink Ranger, I was thinking that she could wear a miniskirt at all times.

Lynn: Okay, well, how about she's from the future and her fiance gets killed in the first episode, so she takes the team and comes back in time to avenge him.

Saban: And then Wes is identical to her dead fiance, so she falls in love with him.

Lynn: Wait....wait....wait, that doesn't make sense. Also, I didn't know we were allowed to kill people, because if we are, I have this-

Saban: Eh, the fiance isn't really dead.

Lynn: Of course. Is Jen a good name for her?Saban: Yeah, that's fine. Now, as for background characters...let's just say Papa Saban has taken care of everything.

Lynn: That does not sound promising.

Saban: As our starting villain, I got one of the villains from Mad Max and Commando.

Lynn: How did you get him?

Saban: Part of the deal for him agreeing to be on the show is that I don't talk about why he agreed to be on Power Rangers.

Lynn: Right. Okay, so I'm thinking that he could be a supermutant from the future who wants to go back in time and loot the place...no, to ransack the place...yeah, his name is Ransik! That'll work.

Saban: Yeah, whatever, anyway for the part of Wes' industrialist father, I was able to get Golden Globe Winner, Edward Laurence Albert.Lynn: I don't know who that is.

Saban: Yeah, well, the important thing is that he has a SAG card, so they'll stop threatening me for "not hiring real actors" and some other stuff.

Lynn: What other stuff?

Saban: Well, you see, a couple of years ago

-Recording Ends-


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