The year was 2000, the new millennium had finally dawned....or it would have had Medieval theologians understood the concept of zero. Anyway, once again Haim Saban and Judd Lynn found themselves working feverishly to create a whole new spin on the Power Rangers franchise....-Transcript begins-
Lynn: Okay, Mr. Saban, I think with the Sentai footage we've got this year, we can really make a space-themed show that doesn't-
Saban: Nah, we're not doing anything space-related again. In fact, we're doing the opposite of the last couple of seasons. Instead of no mentor, some old white guy to guide the Rangers. Instead of being in space, it'll be on Earth, and instead of having a space base, they'll have some sort of underwater base.
Lynn: Underwater is the opposite of space?
Saban: Yeah, I do like that logo though, so we'll keep the name "Lightspeed Rescue."
Lynn: But how does-
Saban: No time for that now, Judd Lynn! Can't you feel it in the air? The winds have changed...there's not much time left for me....
Lynn: I don't understand what-
Saban: Anime! For years I've been able to make huge profits by taking Sentai footage and filming my own framing sequences. But now....now others have found a way to make anime mainstream. All they have to do is piece together some voice actors and BAM!, they're done. I can't compete with that.
Lynn: Right....that's.....right. Anyway, so should we talk about this season's Rangers, then?
Saban: I suppose.
Lynn: Okay, given the other all "rescue" theme of the season, I thought they could all be some sort of all-star team of rescue personnel.
Saban: (confused) I don't get it.
Lynn: For example, the Red Ranger was a firefighter before he became a Power Ranger. Here, take a look:
Saban: Holy fuck, that guy kind of looks like the sort of guy you'd find in a placeholder picture in a picture frame. I assume he has some sort of memorable trait about him?Lynn: Well, I was thinking that his brother-
Saban: Again with the sibling trauma? No, I forbid you having the Red Ranger have some sort of dead, or presumed-dead sibling.
Lynn: Okay, so I can't have the Red Ranger have a missing sibling, right?
Saban: That's an odd way to phrase it, but I can't see the harm in confirming that statement.
Lynn: Great, and listen, I'm sure me or one of the writers will come up with something interesting about Carter before the end of the season.
Saban: Okay, good, now how about the Blue Ranger?
Lynn: Right, so I was thinking that since he's the blue Ranger, that Chad, as I've provisionally named him, could be the aquatic specialist. I was thinking he could be a dolphin trainer.
Saban: A dolphin trainer? I don't think that's the water equivalent to a firefighter. (sarcastic) Who's his love interest, a mermaid?Lynn: Um....it could be, I'll see what I can do.
Saban: Sure, whatever, anyway, who's next?
Lynn: Right, so for the Green Ranger, I was thinking some sort of "Sky Cowboy," you know, a real maverick.
Saban: I like it! Can he wear a cowboy hat?
Lynn: Uh...I think that might be a bit on the-
Saban: And he could be constantly flirting with the hot female scientist!
Lynn: The hot female scientist?
Saban: Yeah, there's going to be a hot female scientist. I lined up the former Miss Mississippi to play her:
Lynn: Leaving aside the fact that no one on the planet would buy her as a scientist, I don't think that it's wise to have a Ranger whose prominent character trait is "continual sexual harassment."
Saban: Hmmm...nah, we're doing it my way. Now for the scientist character, I was thinking Fairweather would be a good name.
Lynn: (disbelieving) I.....I....fine. For the Yellow Ranger, I was thinking of a mountain climber named Kelsey:
Saban: That girl....looks....built.Lynn: Well, yes, she is a bit more muscular than our typical female Rangers but...
Saban: I mean, she looks like she'd end any contract dispute by bursting into my office and kicking my ass.
Lynn: I don't think that-
Saban: Christ, how much does she work out? Eh...you know what, fine, but I demand the Pink Ranger be more conventionally attractive.
Lynn: No problem, this is Dana, she's a paramedic and-
Saban: Can she wear a short skirt as part of her costume?
Lynn: Have you ever seen a paramedic wearing a skirt?
Saban: You know Judd, I think I'm about to.
Lynn: Ah, of course.
Lynn: And I was thinking that she could be the daughter of the team's commander, Captain Mitchell:
Saban: Wait, he's wearing some sort of uniform, is he in the Navy or something?Lynn: No, he's just the head of the Lightspeed Rescue operation.
Saban: How did he get the Ranger powers?
Lynn: He built them or had someone build them for him to protect against the demons.
Saban: Demons?
Lynn: Yeah, I was thinking that the bad guys this season could be demons.
Saban: You know what, sure, why not? Anything interesting about the demons?
Lynn: Well....I mean.....okay, if you.....no, not at all.
Saban: Eh...whatever. I do have one demand, though, I have hired this actress to play a villain and I demand you use her:
Lynn: Can she act?Saban: Judd, baby, with looks like that you don't need to act!
Lynn: So....no...you're saying 'no.'
Saban: Judd, I have total confidence that you'll either succeed or will be replaced by someone cheaper.
-Transcript Ends-
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