Lightspeed Teamwork

Power Rangers: Lightspeed Rescue, Episode 2

Original Airdate: 2-19-2000

Last Time: The team formed and Joel quickly proved himself to be one of the more odious characters in Power Rangers history.

And the first scene of the episode is Joel hitting on some women in the aquabase. Fortunately, the female aquabase crew members are saved by one of their own, who has sacrificed herself so that her co-workers may find peace forevermore. She is Dr. Fairweather, and Joel will spend the rest of the season focusing his sexual harassment on her. Credits!

The madness begins as Dr. Fairweather picks up the glasses she had lost in her collision with Joel, who helps her up. Wait, her name is Ms. Fairweather? You'd think that the head scientist of a super-high-tech organization would have at least one doctoral degree. Joel tries to impress Fairweather with tales of his brave deeds, and shows off his morphers. Now I bag on Joel a lot, but if I was introduced to a suspicious hot woman who didn't sound particularly smart, and was emphatically not a doctor of any sort, I wouldn't assume that she was a scientist, though I might assume she was some sort stripper for a scientists' bachelor party. Joel is late to a meeting and gets chewed out by one of his teammates over his communicator.

Elsewhere, Captain Mitchell already bitterly regrets giving Joel Ranger powers and takes everyone else on a tour of the aquabase. He introduces the team to the head of R & D, and its Ms. Fairweather. Er...no, I'm sorry, but no. I will accept the fact that Terra Venture has a preposterous amount of undeveloped land for a space colony. I will accept that the Rangers can be baked into a pizza. I will even accept that NASADA engineers decided to build a space shuttle that could transform into the head of a giant robot just in case, but I will not accept that this woman is a brilliant scientist. I simply will not do it.

She introduces the first zords of the season, and Kelsey is skeptical that they run on rails. Given the state of the nation's rail network, I tend to agree. Elsewhere, Joel has wasted no time and buys Ms. Fairweather some flowers. But a monster attacks and it hits downtown already at giant-size. It's time to take out the new Rail Resuce zords, but Chad isn't sure that he's ready. Pussy. Ms. Fairweather says something about some sort of auto-assist feature and everytime she talks, I die a little inside.

Joel makes it back with his flowers and makes up an excuse about being on a mission so secret that even Captain Mitchell didn't know about. Captain Mitchell sends him off and probably secretly hopes that the monster kills Joel, preferably painfully.

The Rangers head off to their super-train, and the action begins as the trains are slowly brought to the surface. Then some tracks are also brought to the surface, and the train cars start heading out of their compartments and merge into one train. Then a bridge swivels to grant the train access to the city, and this Megazord is taking its sweet time. Meanwhile the city is being destroyed by a monster.

The train finally reaches downtown, and we're ready to go, right? No, because now each Ranger has to get to their individual zord and launch it from the train. Okay, but now it's time for the megazord fight, right? No, because the Rangers have to save some people from an elevator first. Unfortunately, the building is surrounded by lava. Joel, however, has a flying zord and is sure he can do it on his own. Ms. Fairweather, who built the thing, claims that he can't. but Joel being Joel....

Captain Mitchell demands that Joel stop fucking around and form the damn Resuce Megazord all ready. And the formation sequence begins....but stops after they form the legs and trunk as Joel flies off. Still, the bottom half of the megazord has the water cannons it need to cool the lava. Unfortunately, in a fit of poor design, the water cannons spray water from right on top of the legs...you know, where the crotch should be, so it looks like the Rescue Megazord is putting out the fire by pissing on it.

Carter then uses his zord to get into the building and Kelsey rescues the people. Unfortunately, the elevator is stuck and Carter needs some new weapons to open it. Ms. Fairweather helpfully supplies the Rescue Bird and the Rescue Drill, and they save the trapped people. Carter gets stuck in some rubble and Joel rescues him. Captain Mitchell finally gives the order to form the Megazord, and the episode finally starts moving forward. The Rescue Megazord shows off its moves, most which involves using extendable arms to beat down the monster, and the demon is finally destroyed.

Back in the aquabase, Carter is saying something about teamwork or something, and Joel vows to mend his ways. This lasts for roughly five seconds before Ms. Fairweather shows up and he remembers his unconditional love of sexual harassment. He gives Ms. Fairweather some flowers and an autographed 8x10 of himself. It's going pretty well until Joel starts bagging on some stupid bitch that was nagging him while he was trying to fly his zord. Of course, said harpy was none other than Ms. Fairweather herself. Ms. Fairweather yells at Joel for a bit and then storms off. The other Rangers laugh at his misfortune. Show Over!

Next Time: Carter gives new meaning to the word "Bland."