The Song of Confusion

Power Rangers Turbo, Episode 36

Original Airdate: 11-07-1997

Last Time: The Passion of the Erutan.

Cassie is playing with some other girl. It's kind of like the Indigo Girls....except somehow worse. This episode is going to hurt, and since you readers can't hear the episode, I hate you most of all for not sharing my pain. Everyone at the juice bar seems to like it. Everyone at the juice bar is wrong! Cassie and the other girl decide to start a band. Lt. Stone volunteers the use of his juice bar for auditions. Fuck you, Lt. Stone! This inspires Divatox to write her own rock song. Credits!

Cassie and other girl start their auditions. First up, an inhumanly awkward girl with an accordion! Then, a Scotsman with bagpipes! A beatnik with bongos! Some dude with a kazoo! An old guy with a banjo! A liberal arts major with some African drums! A nerd with a keyboard! Two guys with cymbals! Holy fuck, I just figured out where the idea for American Idol came from! Bulk and Skull show up. They need a new job, again. Bulk and Skull rock out unsuccessfully. This scene may never end! Five guys who are suspiciously color-coded to match the Power Ranger walk in and audition. They kind of sound like some sort of derivative Grunge-esque type of thing. The band sings an ominous song about using a song to plunge the world into total confusion and chaos. Cassie and other girl think that the band will be a great fit with them, but don't really need five extra musicians. The leader, Crash, refuses to split up the band. Other girl volunteers to step out of the band, and a new band is formed, it will be called Cassie with Crash and the Creeps.

Later, at the school, T.J. asks Cassie when the band is going to play. The answer: at the juice bar: and then, one scene transition later, we are there! They play the confusion song again. Everyone is happy, except for other girl, who walks away dejectedly. Crash apparently doesn't want to play other girls music, because he needs to focus on his message of plunging Angel Grove into utter confusion. Incidentelly, the band now has six members, and both Cassie and Crash are seen playing guitar, so I guess the band has something like three or four guitar players. Carlos, Justin and Ashley praise Cassie for the band's inhumanly hypnotic and persistent song. Carlos and Justin sing a few bars of it, and my brain immediately shuts down as a defense mechanism. The two walk outside and notice that Crash and the Creeps use Piranhatrons as roadies. In fairness, it's probably a job they're suited for. They fight starts, but Carlos starts singing the confusion song instead, the Pirhantrons helpfully accompany him on acoustic guitar. The Piranhatrons eventually just decide to leave. Carlos and Justin are concerned that the song is slowly taking control of their brains.

In school, T.J. is also singing the confusion song. The other Rangers meet up and are concerned that the song about driving people to confusion through song is acting as advertised. Alpha 6 calls the Rangers to deal with a monster attack. Five suspiciously color-coded monsters show up. Up in space, Divatox orders her monsters to press the attack while singing that damned confusion song. The monsters retreat instead. She sends Rygog to get them back into the fight. Porto gives them a new weapon to deal with the Rangers. That bucks the monsters up, and they head back out.

Back at school, Cassie is concerned that the confusion song is destroying everyone's brains. She confronts Crash, but he is unwilling to deviate from his plan of playing his confusion song until everyone is completely debilitated. Crash announces their next gig at Angel Grove Lake, where they will broadcast the song and nothing will stop them....from rocking the world.

Up in space, it turns out that Crash and the Creeps are, and have always been, working for Divatox to help her conquer the world. Down at the Lake, Elgar and some Piranhatrons are helping Crash set up for the concert in broad daylight. That seems...a tad incautious. The Rangers immediately show up to prove me right. Cassie warns Crash about the monsters that are helping him set up his equipment. Oh, Cassie, come now. Crash reveals himself to also be a monster. T.J: "Your band...is really Divatox's band?" Oh, T.J. While the Rangers fight some Piranhatrons, Crash and the Creeps play the confusion song again. The Rangers are helpless in the face of rock!

T.J. ends the pain by blowing up Crash's guitar with his blaster. The Rangers destroy the other bandmate's instruments, and the song stops. The moral of today's episode is that musical censorship is the only way to save our children from evil rock and rollers who wish to destroy them with their evil music. Crash and the Creeps decline to fight and instead run away. T.J. calls out "After them!" to his team.

The Rangers hunt them down, as they cannot countenance the monsters to live. The monsters get the better of the Rangers, and use the weapon Porto gave them to knock the Rangers to the ground. The Rangers get back up. The monsters had not planned for that contingency, and panic. The Rangers call for the Turbo RAM Cannon. The monsters go down. Torps go down, monsters get big, well, only Crash, actually.

The Rangers call out the Turbo Megazord for old times' sake. Crash doesn't get a fight scene, as it goes directly from the megazord formation sequence to the final attack. Back at school, the Rangers can't even remember the confusion song. They are the lucky ones. Elsewhere, having helped murder the rest of her band, Cassie reconciles with other girl. Based on this scene alone, I am willing to bet I can find a slash fic featuring Cassie and other girl. And, to be clear, I mean that as an indictment of fanfic writers everywhere. Bulk and Skull show up with a tuba and a sousaphone to reaudition. Their playing creates havoc, and Lt. Stone throws them out. Show Over!

Next Time: Another God-damned Soccer Episode.