Power Rangers Turbo: Episode 10

"Glyph Hanger"

Original Airdate: 5-10-1997

The show opens with a mysterious figure stealing a staff of power, and vowing to conquer all of Egypt. Fortunately, Adam is there to stop him with a bunch of henchman, and they do. You see, at this point in the season, the writers took a bold gamble and decided to revamp the series by....okay, it's just Adam in his job as a stuntman, except apparently his job as a stuntman consists exclusively of being part of live stunt shows. Anyway, the Egyptian theme angers Divatox as she is reminded of being left at the altar by a guy named Pharaoh. That sounds like a joke I'd make, but it's what really happens. She instantly comes up with a two-part plan: 1) Call Pharaoh to beat up the Rangers. 2) Dump Pharaoh. It's actually one her more coherent schemes. Credits! (Mighty Engines Roar!)

Pharaoh shows up at the space-sub. Divatox badgers him into planting a bomb at the stunt show. Even Pharaoh knows that this plan isn't going to work, but Divatox won't send him home until he complies. Adam shows up backstage just as Pharaoh's planting the bomb, so Pharaoh plays possum. But Pharaoh's staff looks exactly like the staff from the beginning of the episode, so Adam takes it home to touch it up for the show the next day. The staff apparently has the powers to turn any written language into hieroglyphics, and begins to do so. Pharaoh feels completely impotent at the loss of his staff and I pat myself on the back for being clever.

Anyway, Adam decides to tromp all over town with the staff, and accidently turns everything around him into hieroglyphics. He sits down with Justin and Kat, and they all soon realize that something is amiss. Down in the space-sub, Pharaoh wants to go home, but Divatox won't send him until the bomb goes off. The Rangers call into Dimitria to try to figure out what the hell is going on. She hints that the mysterious staff of power might have something to do with it. Adam doesn't get it. At the juice bar, ChimpBulk and ChimpSkull are inspired by the hieroglypics to illustrate their tale of woe and thus receive assistance.

Meanwhile, Pharaoh is trying to guard the bomb when he's beaten up by a couple of ten year-olds. At this point, I feel for the monster, he gets dragged to Earth, sent to fight some guys he knows are going to kill him, and then he gets his staff stolen? That's rough, man. Even Divatox feels sorry for him, and sends her goons to get the staff back. The Piranahtrons engage the Rangers....and they make it! The Piranhatrons competently achieve a mission! Truly a momentous day for all Piranhatron-kind.

The Rangers regroup at the juice bar and finally figure out that it was the staff that was screwing around with the hieroglyphics. Except Adam refuses to believe. But then an old guy from the stunt show shows up with Adam's staff. The Rangers slowly put together that there are two identical-looking staffs. They then realize there's probably a bomb because it wouldn't be a Divatox plan without a detonator with an incredibly long timer. They head to the stunt show. Another thrilling bomb search ensues. The old guy from last scene shows up, and proves to be the crotchiediest guy in America. Apparently the only way to find the bomb is to show a bunch of items to the old dude, who will be able to identify the one that doesn't belong.

In the space-sub, Pharaoh, reunited with his staff, and thus his manly powers, is ready to fight the Rangers. The Rangers find the bomb, but it's protected by some sort electric forcefield, so they morph. Adam decides the best way to deal with a bomb is to shoot a giant gun at it. Not quite sure how he came up with that plan. Before Adam can manage to blow the team to bits, Pharaoh shows up with some Piranhatrons. Fighting ensues!

After a couple of minutes of inconclusive tussling, Divatox decides to fire the torpedoes. Les Megazord D'Turbeaux is called. Pharaoh puts up a good fight, even knocking the Turbo Megazord to the ground, but Pharaoh's staff gets broken, and thus his powers are gone, for he has not learned the important moral of this episode: A man's power doesn't come from the size of your weapon, but, indeed, from the size of his penis. Or maybe the lesson is that we should all become literate in hieroglypics. Either way, Pharaoh gets blown up.

Back at the stunt show, the old guy is now holding the bomb. Adam immediately gets out his gun. The old man is terrified that a man in spandex is holding him up, and thus tosses the bomb in the air. Adam shoots it and that somehow disarms its without blowing it up. All of the screwed signs turn back to normal, and the day is saved. Divatox broods.

Down at the juice bar, the Rangers are assembled for relaxation and to see Lt. Stone suffer another indignity. ChimpBulk and ChimpSkull couldn't quite express their situation through art. Inevitably, Lt. Stone becomes covered in paint. All present laugh at his misfortune. Show Over!