Power Rangers in Space, Episode 2
Original Airdate: 2-13-1998
Last Time: The Rangers went to space....that's about it, honestly.
The Rangers all fight the Quantrons. The ex-Turbo Rangers, having no powers, get their asses kicked. The Red Ranger, however, is easily able to dispatch the Quantrons, and notices the other Rangers struggling. The Quantrons retreat! Credits!
The Red Ranger powers down to reveal himself...as a dude with the most ridiculous hairstyle I can imagine. Ashley begins her season-long arc by circling around the Red Ranger and looking at him like a piece of meat. She pokes him in the shoulder, and, for some reason, this makes her realize that the guy's human. The Red Ranger confirms, and announces that "Earth isn't the only place where humans live." Wait, what? No, that's not right! Couldn't they have just made him a human-like alien? Do they have to half-ass an explanation like this? Anyway, he explains that he's from a space colony called KO-35. Were the colonists from Earth? The other Rangers introduce themselves. T.J. offers his hand in friendship, but the Red Ranger is wary of catching the stink of failure. He ultimately decides to shake T.J.'s hand and introduces himself as Andros, scourge of the Star Fox team! Cassie mocks Ashley for her actions earlier in the scene, as well she should.
Later, DECA is helping Carlos repair Alpha. He doesn't do a great job. On the planet, T.J. suggest setting a course for the place where all of the evil guys were meeting. Andros informs him that they've already moved on. Ashley asks about Zordon, and Andros explains that the ol' head only has about 40 episodes of life left in him. Andros makes it clear he wants no part of the ex-Turbo Rangers. T.J. tries to convince him otherwise, but does a very T.J.-esque job, and fails. Andros does, however, manage to fix Alpha. She gets new voice, and loses her odd streetwise mannerisms. All present are pleased. Andros decides to send the Rangers back to Earth on their shuttle.
Ashley interrupts Andros' effort to contain the ex-Turbo Rangers on Earth. She talks to him about going home, but doesn't get anywhere. Andros sends the other Rangers back to Earth. T.J. accepts it, because, well, he has many good qualities, but tenacity is not one of them. The Astro Megaship takes off, leaving the Rangers on the planet with their shuttle. The Rangers realize that Alpha is missing. Christ, can't they do anything right? The Quantrons show up. The Rangers get beaten up again. In space, Andros orders DECA to go to "Hyper Rush 3." Hyper Rush 3? Seriously? Why not just call it Fast Speed 7, or Go Quick 9! Alpha turns up to urge Andros to take on the other Rangers as his teammates. DECA agrees with Alpha. Andros, however, is no mood to be ordering around by machines, and refuses. Alpha points out that Andros needs all the help he can get to save Zordon. Yeah, but Alpha saw how helpful the Rangers were last season right? Any more of that kind of help and the universe is boned.
Andros flashes back to his encounters with the Rangers, and, more importantly, Ashley's boobs, and decides, yes, he would like to tap that, and turns his ship around. Back on the quarry planet, the Rangers have managed to get captured. Astronema shows up in all of her tight leather glory, and T.J. is confused...and aroused....and defiant! Astronema uses her deadly powers of overacting to crush the Rangers' spirits. She orders them destroyed and leaves. The Astro Megaship reappears and saves the day. Andros comes running and gives them new morphers and they're new morphing catchphrase "Let's Rocket!" It's not good, but there will be worse....much worse. They morph. T.J. is now the Blue Ranger, and Carlos is now the Black Ranger. Unfortunately, this does mean that they will have to get new wardrobes. The Rangers beat up some Quantrons to celebrate. They call out their power weapons which....don't look so good this season. Carlos has a stick with a crescent moon on top. Cassie has a satellite dish with a handle. Ashley has some sort of space-slingshot. T.J. gets an axe, though...an astro axe. Because when I think high-tech and space-age, I think an axe! The Quantrons escape. Some space fighters show up and the team heads back to the Astro Megaship.
On the bridge, DECA detects an incoming ship. It's the same evil ship from last episode. The ships trade laser fire. Alpha remembers that they've got that black box from last season. Alpha explains that she's finally broken the code for the Astro Megazord. Alpha explains that the Astro Megaship can be merged with the shuttle to form the Astro Megazord. Okay, so, I guess the guys at NASADA were designed a shuttle and said to themselves: "You know what Frank, wouldn't it be boss if the shuttle could turn into the head of a giant robot?" "Sure, Phil, so, should we build some other shuttles to form the other body parts?" "Nah, given enough time, our shuttle will run into a space ship that can turn into the other parts...you know, just like the Drake equation says, there are billions of planets with life out there, I figure at least one of them has to have a couple of scientist like us." "Yeah, and when our two spaceships meet, they'll be real glad that we were here to help." I mean, come on, man! Alpha counters that it's all part of Zordon's masterplan. Oh, good a masterplan from the guy whose life is currently be drained from him by his enemies, and who endorsed the idea of T.J. as the leader of the Rangers. Yeah, he's the guy I want making my masterplans.
Anyway, the Rangers go through with the Astro Megazord formation, which takes forever, even though only two pieces are involved. Astronema is unimpressed and orders them destroyed. The Astro Megazord destroys the enemy ship. Back in the Astro Megaship, the Rangers are now all wearing the same uniform as Andros. I guess he instituted school uniforms in order to cut down on discipline problems. Andros explains some stuff about the Megaship, and also informs the other Rangers that his ship needs repairs. Cassie suggests they repair it on Earth, the planet with a no interstellar travel. Apparently NASADA can help. Was Zordon using some sort of shadow government to control NASADA or something? Andros has learned the importance of accepting help and so agrees and sets a course for Earth. Astronema follows them. On the one hand, the actress playing Astronema can't seem to stop overacting to the extreme. On the other, she's hot and wears leather. I must find a way to reconcile these thoughts. Show Over!
Next Time: Earth! Bulk and Skull! Andros begins grating on my nerves!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
From Out of Nowhere, Part I
Power Rangers in Space, Episode 1
Original Airdate: 02-06-1998
Last Time: The Rangers lost all of their powers, and the Power Chamber got blown to bits. However, Justin left the team....so, all in all, a net win for the Rangers.
On some unnamed planet all of the Power Ranger's enemies are having a party. Lord Zedd! Rita Repulsa! Those Machine Guys that no one liked! Divatox is recounting how she blew up the Power Rangers. Meanwhile, a mysterious figure in a cloak mills around. Divatox and Rita exchange pleasantries. Divatox taunts Rita about being the one to destroy the Rangers. Rita can't believe it, and shoot Divatox with her staff. She misses and the energy is absorbed into a younger, prettier villainess. She's Astronema. Divatox is not pleased about being replaced. The cloaked figure continues to move about the party. New Credits! As for how good the theme is...the first line is "Rangers....in SPACE!" I think the guy who wrote these themes had completely given up by this point. Interestingly, this formulation of the credits still has Divatox credited as the main villain.
The evil leaders are all sitting down to dinner. Interestingly, the table is set up to look suspiciously like the table from the Last Supper. The cloaked figure sits down, and no one seems to be too curious about who this mysterious stranger is. Dark Specter shows up to brief his generals. He's captured Zordon and is draining him of his powers. This is apparently bad. On the plus side, it will take about 40-some odd episodes to work. Everyone drinks the "lava juice" or whatever the evil wine-like substance is except for the guy in the cape. Divatox finally figures out something is up with him. Astronema announces that he's a spy! Some Quantrons move to capture him, and get their first of many, many beatings. He reveals his weapon...it's a drill sword. I can't imagine how that's supposed to work. Anyway, the combined villains try to fight him off, but can't quite do it. Dark Specter wants to know who this spy is. Goldar manages to rip off the strangers cloak and it's a new Red Ranger. The villains are confused because they thought they'd finally killed the Power Rangers, only to have this happen. The Red Ranger calls for something called a "Galaxy Glider" which is apparently some sort of space-surfboard. And I thought the go-karts from last season looked stupid. He escapes. Astronema manages to overact even when saying and doing nothing...it's quite impressive, actually.
Dark Specter realizes that he's going to have to send someone after the new Red Ranger, and he can't be happy with his options. Rita and Divatox both try to impress Dark Specter/undercut the other one. He ultimately chooses to send Astronema and something called the "Dark Fortress" to take care of the Ranger.
Elsewhere, the Rangers are still in the shuttle from last season. T.J. asks Alpha 6 how long until they reach Eltar. Alpha 6's voice is broken. It's pretty great. The Rangers notice that they're about to hit a giant ship. The mysterious ship opens up and docks with the shuttle. The Rangers enter the ship and stealthily investigate what's going on. Cassie notices a plaque, in English, mind you, that names the ship as the Astro Megaship. Carlos notices an ominous camera device monitoring them. T.J. sees an open door, and slowly manuevers the Rangers towards it. They find the engine room, and T.J. wonders if anyone's even on the ship.
The team splits up and keeps searching...and searching...and searching. Ashley finds a machine that works basically like the food replicator from Star Trek. For some reason all of the signage is in English. This will make less sense later on. Carlos finds a plate of half-eaten food. The reassembled team moves on and finds the bridge. The pace is glacial. The Rangers all ponder the situation they're in.
Anyway, the Rangers discover they're in orbit around a planet that kind of looks like Jupiter. Meanwhile, the Red Ranger is flying back towards the Astro Megaship, but has to fight off some Quantrons in space fighters. He defeats them by shooting them with his blaster. Incidentally, the physics of this season veer from "not realistic" to "the exact opposite of realistic," which makes every fight scene in space kind of seem a bit stupid, even by Power Ranger standards. In fairness, the Japanese never intended the footage to represent space action, and these scenes are usually the result of Saban tried as hard as he can to turn a show not about space into a show about space, even when it looks very, very sloppy as a result. The Red Ranger shows up to find the ex-Turbo Rangers on his ship. T.J. tries to explain the situation. The Red Ranger bravely...runs away. The other Rangers give chase. The Red Ranger eventually ambushes them as the other Rangers try to explain that they don't want to fight.
Suddenly, the Astro Megaship gets attacked by some sort of evil space ship. The Red Ranger locks the other Rangers in a room and goes off to deal with it. The other Rangers are confused by the presence of a Red Ranger that doesn't lead to devastating defeat, and T.J. pieces together that the Astro Megaship belongs to the Red Ranger. Astronema is aboard the evil space ship and orders to it continue attacking the Astro Megaship. She manages to knock out his engines. The other Rangers notice and decide to help out. Astronema orders her ship to hold fire, and she explains that it "was too easy" in an oddly sexy voice. In the engine room, T.J. is able to diagnose the problem with an interstellar space engine as an unplugged cable. The Astro Megaship crashes towards that Jupiter-looking planet. T.J. manages to fix the engines. The Red Ranger realizes that the other Rangers are on his side, but can't keep the Astro Megaship from crashing.
The Red Ranger confronts the othe Rangers about their identities. The ship's computer, DECA, announces that quantrons are landing on the planet. T.J. continues to try to explain the Ranger's purpose. The Red Ranger tries to take off, but can't. He decides to fight the quantrons instead. T.J. and the other Rangers volunteer to fight with him. To Be Continued! Wait, the episode is over? Nothing happened! What the fuck?
Next Time: Stuff (probably) happens!
Original Airdate: 02-06-1998
Last Time: The Rangers lost all of their powers, and the Power Chamber got blown to bits. However, Justin left the team....so, all in all, a net win for the Rangers.
On some unnamed planet all of the Power Ranger's enemies are having a party. Lord Zedd! Rita Repulsa! Those Machine Guys that no one liked! Divatox is recounting how she blew up the Power Rangers. Meanwhile, a mysterious figure in a cloak mills around. Divatox and Rita exchange pleasantries. Divatox taunts Rita about being the one to destroy the Rangers. Rita can't believe it, and shoot Divatox with her staff. She misses and the energy is absorbed into a younger, prettier villainess. She's Astronema. Divatox is not pleased about being replaced. The cloaked figure continues to move about the party. New Credits! As for how good the theme is...the first line is "Rangers....in SPACE!" I think the guy who wrote these themes had completely given up by this point. Interestingly, this formulation of the credits still has Divatox credited as the main villain.
The evil leaders are all sitting down to dinner. Interestingly, the table is set up to look suspiciously like the table from the Last Supper. The cloaked figure sits down, and no one seems to be too curious about who this mysterious stranger is. Dark Specter shows up to brief his generals. He's captured Zordon and is draining him of his powers. This is apparently bad. On the plus side, it will take about 40-some odd episodes to work. Everyone drinks the "lava juice" or whatever the evil wine-like substance is except for the guy in the cape. Divatox finally figures out something is up with him. Astronema announces that he's a spy! Some Quantrons move to capture him, and get their first of many, many beatings. He reveals his weapon...it's a drill sword. I can't imagine how that's supposed to work. Anyway, the combined villains try to fight him off, but can't quite do it. Dark Specter wants to know who this spy is. Goldar manages to rip off the strangers cloak and it's a new Red Ranger. The villains are confused because they thought they'd finally killed the Power Rangers, only to have this happen. The Red Ranger calls for something called a "Galaxy Glider" which is apparently some sort of space-surfboard. And I thought the go-karts from last season looked stupid. He escapes. Astronema manages to overact even when saying and doing nothing...it's quite impressive, actually.
Dark Specter realizes that he's going to have to send someone after the new Red Ranger, and he can't be happy with his options. Rita and Divatox both try to impress Dark Specter/undercut the other one. He ultimately chooses to send Astronema and something called the "Dark Fortress" to take care of the Ranger.
Elsewhere, the Rangers are still in the shuttle from last season. T.J. asks Alpha 6 how long until they reach Eltar. Alpha 6's voice is broken. It's pretty great. The Rangers notice that they're about to hit a giant ship. The mysterious ship opens up and docks with the shuttle. The Rangers enter the ship and stealthily investigate what's going on. Cassie notices a plaque, in English, mind you, that names the ship as the Astro Megaship. Carlos notices an ominous camera device monitoring them. T.J. sees an open door, and slowly manuevers the Rangers towards it. They find the engine room, and T.J. wonders if anyone's even on the ship.
The team splits up and keeps searching...and searching...and searching. Ashley finds a machine that works basically like the food replicator from Star Trek. For some reason all of the signage is in English. This will make less sense later on. Carlos finds a plate of half-eaten food. The reassembled team moves on and finds the bridge. The pace is glacial. The Rangers all ponder the situation they're in.
Anyway, the Rangers discover they're in orbit around a planet that kind of looks like Jupiter. Meanwhile, the Red Ranger is flying back towards the Astro Megaship, but has to fight off some Quantrons in space fighters. He defeats them by shooting them with his blaster. Incidentally, the physics of this season veer from "not realistic" to "the exact opposite of realistic," which makes every fight scene in space kind of seem a bit stupid, even by Power Ranger standards. In fairness, the Japanese never intended the footage to represent space action, and these scenes are usually the result of Saban tried as hard as he can to turn a show not about space into a show about space, even when it looks very, very sloppy as a result. The Red Ranger shows up to find the ex-Turbo Rangers on his ship. T.J. tries to explain the situation. The Red Ranger bravely...runs away. The other Rangers give chase. The Red Ranger eventually ambushes them as the other Rangers try to explain that they don't want to fight.
Suddenly, the Astro Megaship gets attacked by some sort of evil space ship. The Red Ranger locks the other Rangers in a room and goes off to deal with it. The other Rangers are confused by the presence of a Red Ranger that doesn't lead to devastating defeat, and T.J. pieces together that the Astro Megaship belongs to the Red Ranger. Astronema is aboard the evil space ship and orders to it continue attacking the Astro Megaship. She manages to knock out his engines. The other Rangers notice and decide to help out. Astronema orders her ship to hold fire, and she explains that it "was too easy" in an oddly sexy voice. In the engine room, T.J. is able to diagnose the problem with an interstellar space engine as an unplugged cable. The Astro Megaship crashes towards that Jupiter-looking planet. T.J. manages to fix the engines. The Red Ranger realizes that the other Rangers are on his side, but can't keep the Astro Megaship from crashing.
The Red Ranger confronts the othe Rangers about their identities. The ship's computer, DECA, announces that quantrons are landing on the planet. T.J. continues to try to explain the Ranger's purpose. The Red Ranger tries to take off, but can't. He decides to fight the quantrons instead. T.J. and the other Rangers volunteer to fight with him. To Be Continued! Wait, the episode is over? Nothing happened! What the fuck?
Next Time: Stuff (probably) happens!
Better Know a Villain: In Space
AstronemaActress: Melody Perkins
A new villain for the new season, Astronema heralds a brand-new paradigm where at least one villain each season is an attractive woman who is basically human in appearance. For that, all boys and men born between 1984 and 1996 should celebrate her.
Beyond that, she starts the season as basically a cipher. She gets better, but it takes quite a few episodes for her to have much more personality than "wild-overacting villain in leather."
Melody Perkins had a few bit parts on TV and retired in 2004. Not exactly the most surprising career arc for a Power Rangers actor.
Ecliptor
Voice Actor: Lex Lang
Ecliptor is Astronema's second-in-command. He's your standard noble demon type. You know, he's willing to help an army of unspeakable evil conquer the universe, but he has a code of honor. It's worth noting that his code says nothing about sending giant monsters to destroy city centers week after week.
Elgar
Voice Actor: Derek Stephen Prince
Elgar's back. No one's quite sure why. Not even the characters in the show.
QuantronsAstronema's troops who exist mainly to get pummeled into the ground over and over and over.
Better Know an Ally: In Space
Alpha 6
Voice Actress: Wendee Lee
On the one hand, Alpha 6 is back. On the other, they've essentially stripped out everything that made her so awful last season and just left a female version of Alpha 5. There are worse things in the world.
D.E.C.A.
Voice Actress: Julie Maddalena
D.E.C.A. is the computer system on the Astro-Megaship, the Ranger's new base of operations. She basically exists to tell the Rangers that a monster is about to attack. Yeah, that's about it, really.
Bulk and SkullActors: Paul Schrier and Jason Narvy
Bulk and Skull are back for one last hoedown. This season, they're determined to find aliens. Why? Well, the season is called "In Space" so....
Actually, by this point, it's clear that Bulk and Skull have no real place in the new, overly serious Power Rangers, plus, Paul Schrier and Jason Narvy were now by far the longest-tenured actors on the show and probably were about ready to move on. Eh, I suppose it was time, really.
Professor Phenomenus
Actor: Jack Banning
Professor Phenomenus works with Bulk and Skull this season, not unlike the way the pair used to run with Lt. Stone. The professor is an absent-minded scientist who exists in order to tie Bulk and Skull closer to the action. It doesn't really work, but he does manage to survive the great cast purge at the end of the season, so he has to get credit for that.
Better Know a Ranger: In Space
Andros
Actor: Christopher Khayman Lee
Andros is a human from the planet KO-35. How such a thing is possible is never explained. Anyway, when he was a lad, his sister was kidnapped by an evil monster, and he's spent the rest of his life looking for her. If you guess that he'll find her over the course of this season, you'd be correct.
Around Power Rangers in Space, the producers decided to really emphasize the Red Ranger, and give them way more storylines than had normally been the case. Sometimes this worked out okay, like in this season, sometimes...it didn't. Someday, we'll have to deal with those other shows, but Andros is basically okay.
Christopher Khayman Lee's only other roles have been bit parts on TV, and he hasn't worked since 2004. According to the internet, he's Chyler's Leigh sister. I don't know who Chyler Leigh is, though, so I have no idea what that means.
T.J. JohnsonActor: Selwyn Ward
T.J. has been demoted to Blue Ranger this season, which is probably for the best given the unfortunate end to his tenure as leader of the Turbo Rangers. As further punishment, his main role this season is to get beaten up a couple of times.
Selwyn Ward hasn't done any acting since I last wrote about him, as is true for the remaining Rangers.
Carlos VallerteActor: Roger Velasco
Carlos is now the Black Ranger, because that's just the way the Japanese footage roles. This season, he continues his development as a poor man's substitute for Adam. He has a couple of spotlight episodes, and neither are very good. Less soccer this time, though, and for that I am grateful.
Ashley HammondActress: Tracy Lynn Cruz
Ashley returns as the Yellow Ranger and spends most of the season doing her level-best to become the first Earth-woman to sleep with a man from another world, namely Andros. Beyond that, she fulfills the role of the Yellow Ranger, that of space-filler, admirably.
Cassie Chan
Actress: Patricia Ja Lee
Cassie is back as the Pink Ranger. I don't remember what she did last season, I think she had a bunch love interests that sucked. Okay, we're done here.
Power Rangers in Space 101
The year was 1998. Power Rangers Turbo has nearly wrecked the entire franchise. In fairness, Power Rangers has always been somewhat of a hostage to the Japanese Sentai footage, and the writers simply weren't prepared for the footage they got from the Japanese-equivalent to Turbo. I mean, really, was there anyway the Rangers could be cooked into a pizza without the show devolving into a farce? Probably not, and Saban knew that farces don't sell merchandise.
Anyway, the executives at Fox, knowing the short shelf-life of children's television, graciously gave Saban one last chance to save the franchise. Saban looked at the new season of Sentai footage, and saw it was space-themed. This, he thought, he could work with. Of course, the problem was that it only looked like it was space-themed, it was really some sort of virtual-reality-themed series, and Saban had already tried that with VR Troopers. For those of you who weren't around during the nineties, Saban had good reason to think that repeating that tragedy would kill the franchise outright.
So Saban and his crew did what they did best, make the Japanese footage fit their plans, continuity and visual glitches be damned! And so Power Rangers in Space was born.
Now, a lot of people will tell you that Power Rangers in Space was the best season of Power Rangers, or at least one of the best because of better writing and more emotionally mature storylines. They might be right, but it's also worth noting that those successes later led to season-after-season of trying to recreate that magic with mixed results at best.
Chase into Space, Part II
Power Rangers Turbo, Episode 45
Original Airdate: 11-24-1997
Last Time: Justin contemplated moving away from Angel Grove. Also, the megazords were destroyed, Zordon was captured, Dimitria and Blue Senturion abandoned Earth and Divatox sent an army to capture the Power Chamber.
The Rangers are still fighting the army of Piranhatrons, and things aren't going well. They decide to retreat back into the Power Chamber. T.J. asks if the shields are working. They aren't. Justin sees the Piranhatrons withdrawing on the viewscreen. The Rangers know they'll be back. Carlos decides now would be an appropriate time to ask Justin what he's going to do about his dad's potential new job out of town. It kind of looks like that's a moot point at the moment. The Piranhatrons come back with a battering ram to get into the Power Chamber. Also, some Piranhatrons have some grappling hooks so they can scale the walls. The Piranhatrons may suck most of the time, but they've got siege warfare down. The Piranhatrons make it to the roof and break the cameras so the Rangers can't watch their movements. Alpha 6 suggests that she teleport the Rangers out. T.J. declines, because he realizes that it's only fair that he get a taste of being repeatedly defeated.
The Piranhatrons break down the main door of the Power Chamber and storm the Rangers' base. They quickly make their way to the console room where the Rangers are standing. The Piranhatrons, however, have also broken through the roof and come down from above as well. The console room gets completely trashed as the Rangers desperately try to fight off the Piranhatrons. Elgar shows up and immediately sets his eyes of Zordon and Dimitria's tube, reasoning that if he breaks it, they can't come back. He succeeds. The Rangers aren't do so hot today. Elgar decides to bring this season full circle, and has brought with him a whole mess of bombs. While the Rangers are distracted with the Piranhatrons, he attaches them all over the console room.
Outside, Elgar makes it back to Divatox, who is watching the Power Chamber burn. She detonates the bombs, and the entire Power Chamber is obliterated with the Rangers still inside. Later, Divatox and the Piranhatrons are sifting through the rubble, because she wants to make absolutely sure that the Rangers are 100% dead. The Rangers are, in fact alive, just badly hurt and with their suits in tatters. Suddenly, a firey orb appears and turns into a man's head. The firey man explains that he is a messenger who brings news that Zordon has been captured and that Divatox has been recalled for an evil conference on another planet. Divatox has no intention of leaving the Earth just after she's beaten the Rangers. The messenger announces that Dark Specter won't be happy with Divatox's answer. The mention of that name inspires Divatox to fall in line with the whole leaving-Earth idea. Apparently, Dark Specter is the Grand Monarch of Evil. You know, I always thought that evil would be more of a military despotism than a hereditary political structure. Exeunt Firey head and Divatox and her army.
The Rangers come out of hiding. Carlos spitefully throws away one of the Divatox flags the Piranhatrons had been carrying with them. Wasn't there an episode about being a good sport somewhere along they way? Did Carlos forget that lesson? The Rangers regroup and then lose whatever powers they had left, leaving them in street clothes. Alpha 6 also survived. Damn it.
The Rangers have no idea what to do. Carlos suggest immediately rushing towards where all of the armies of evil are gathering....with no powers....when they just got completely crushed by only one of the many evil armies that will be there. Shut up, Carlos. The other Rangers point out that they promised to protect the Earth. T.J. somehow thinks this means that they have to defeat Divatox before she gets back to Earth. Er, T.J. remembers the last two episodes, right? Cassie points out that they can't really get into space anyway. Alpha 6 finds the Power Chamber's black box that holds all of the secret codes that the Rangers will need. That's not what a black box does. Carlos wants to go into space to chase Divatox immediately. Justin has a plan!
Justin sneaks onto the NASADA base. Apparently our NASADA bases cannot keep out a twelve year-old. The director of NASADA is so getting fired. Justin makes it into the control room, but gets spotted by security. You can actually pinpoint the moment this season ran out of money, because they use Apollo-era footage to show Justin's view of the mission control room. Justin needs to speak to the commander of NASADA, who perks up the moment that Justin reveals that it's from the Power Rangers. Justin asks the commander of NASADA to give the Rangers the space shuttle. Justin whispers something in the commander's ear about Eltar. Commander Norquist immediately gives the Rangers the shuttle, no questions asked. I'd like to see Commander Norquist explain that one to Congress. "Well, Senator, the boy said he was asking on behalf of the Power Rangers, and who was I to say no to that? And that's how we lost a several-billion dollar spacecraft."
Outside, the other Rangers learn that the space shuttle is theirs. Okay, now, this is going to require a little explanation, the other Rangers manages to get into the base and then the shuttle without being seen by anyone, because of the whole secret identity problem. The Rangers strap into the least-convincing shuttle cockpit in television history. It's just a bench of seating with no controls whatsoever. Controls are kind of important to manned spaceflight. Anyway, the shuttle is prepped for Eltar and....wait a tick, Eltar is at the very least in another solar system, how the fuck is the space shuttle supposed to get there in less than several thousand years? Does NASADA have warp-drive technology or something? Anyway, Justin isn't there, and the shuttle's about to launch.
T.J. calls Justin to ask him what's going on. Justin explains that he can't go to space, because he has to let his dad take that job and move out of Angel Grove. Wait, wait, wait. Okay, now I want Justin to go away as much as anyone, but that makes no sense. When the Rangers were based around Angel Grove it made sense, but they're going to space, and so it makes his dad's new job out of town kind of a moot point.
The shuttle launches and Justin watches from outside and walks away sadly. The Rangers hold hands as the shuttle continues to ascend. To Be Continued....In Space!
Next Time: We learn that alliances of evil have even worse security than NASADA. Also, SPACE!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's not as cool as you might think.
Original Airdate: 11-24-1997
Last Time: Justin contemplated moving away from Angel Grove. Also, the megazords were destroyed, Zordon was captured, Dimitria and Blue Senturion abandoned Earth and Divatox sent an army to capture the Power Chamber.
The Rangers are still fighting the army of Piranhatrons, and things aren't going well. They decide to retreat back into the Power Chamber. T.J. asks if the shields are working. They aren't. Justin sees the Piranhatrons withdrawing on the viewscreen. The Rangers know they'll be back. Carlos decides now would be an appropriate time to ask Justin what he's going to do about his dad's potential new job out of town. It kind of looks like that's a moot point at the moment. The Piranhatrons come back with a battering ram to get into the Power Chamber. Also, some Piranhatrons have some grappling hooks so they can scale the walls. The Piranhatrons may suck most of the time, but they've got siege warfare down. The Piranhatrons make it to the roof and break the cameras so the Rangers can't watch their movements. Alpha 6 suggests that she teleport the Rangers out. T.J. declines, because he realizes that it's only fair that he get a taste of being repeatedly defeated.
The Piranhatrons break down the main door of the Power Chamber and storm the Rangers' base. They quickly make their way to the console room where the Rangers are standing. The Piranhatrons, however, have also broken through the roof and come down from above as well. The console room gets completely trashed as the Rangers desperately try to fight off the Piranhatrons. Elgar shows up and immediately sets his eyes of Zordon and Dimitria's tube, reasoning that if he breaks it, they can't come back. He succeeds. The Rangers aren't do so hot today. Elgar decides to bring this season full circle, and has brought with him a whole mess of bombs. While the Rangers are distracted with the Piranhatrons, he attaches them all over the console room.
Outside, Elgar makes it back to Divatox, who is watching the Power Chamber burn. She detonates the bombs, and the entire Power Chamber is obliterated with the Rangers still inside. Later, Divatox and the Piranhatrons are sifting through the rubble, because she wants to make absolutely sure that the Rangers are 100% dead. The Rangers are, in fact alive, just badly hurt and with their suits in tatters. Suddenly, a firey orb appears and turns into a man's head. The firey man explains that he is a messenger who brings news that Zordon has been captured and that Divatox has been recalled for an evil conference on another planet. Divatox has no intention of leaving the Earth just after she's beaten the Rangers. The messenger announces that Dark Specter won't be happy with Divatox's answer. The mention of that name inspires Divatox to fall in line with the whole leaving-Earth idea. Apparently, Dark Specter is the Grand Monarch of Evil. You know, I always thought that evil would be more of a military despotism than a hereditary political structure. Exeunt Firey head and Divatox and her army.
The Rangers come out of hiding. Carlos spitefully throws away one of the Divatox flags the Piranhatrons had been carrying with them. Wasn't there an episode about being a good sport somewhere along they way? Did Carlos forget that lesson? The Rangers regroup and then lose whatever powers they had left, leaving them in street clothes. Alpha 6 also survived. Damn it.
The Rangers have no idea what to do. Carlos suggest immediately rushing towards where all of the armies of evil are gathering....with no powers....when they just got completely crushed by only one of the many evil armies that will be there. Shut up, Carlos. The other Rangers point out that they promised to protect the Earth. T.J. somehow thinks this means that they have to defeat Divatox before she gets back to Earth. Er, T.J. remembers the last two episodes, right? Cassie points out that they can't really get into space anyway. Alpha 6 finds the Power Chamber's black box that holds all of the secret codes that the Rangers will need. That's not what a black box does. Carlos wants to go into space to chase Divatox immediately. Justin has a plan!
Justin sneaks onto the NASADA base. Apparently our NASADA bases cannot keep out a twelve year-old. The director of NASADA is so getting fired. Justin makes it into the control room, but gets spotted by security. You can actually pinpoint the moment this season ran out of money, because they use Apollo-era footage to show Justin's view of the mission control room. Justin needs to speak to the commander of NASADA, who perks up the moment that Justin reveals that it's from the Power Rangers. Justin asks the commander of NASADA to give the Rangers the space shuttle. Justin whispers something in the commander's ear about Eltar. Commander Norquist immediately gives the Rangers the shuttle, no questions asked. I'd like to see Commander Norquist explain that one to Congress. "Well, Senator, the boy said he was asking on behalf of the Power Rangers, and who was I to say no to that? And that's how we lost a several-billion dollar spacecraft."
Outside, the other Rangers learn that the space shuttle is theirs. Okay, now, this is going to require a little explanation, the other Rangers manages to get into the base and then the shuttle without being seen by anyone, because of the whole secret identity problem. The Rangers strap into the least-convincing shuttle cockpit in television history. It's just a bench of seating with no controls whatsoever. Controls are kind of important to manned spaceflight. Anyway, the shuttle is prepped for Eltar and....wait a tick, Eltar is at the very least in another solar system, how the fuck is the space shuttle supposed to get there in less than several thousand years? Does NASADA have warp-drive technology or something? Anyway, Justin isn't there, and the shuttle's about to launch.
T.J. calls Justin to ask him what's going on. Justin explains that he can't go to space, because he has to let his dad take that job and move out of Angel Grove. Wait, wait, wait. Okay, now I want Justin to go away as much as anyone, but that makes no sense. When the Rangers were based around Angel Grove it made sense, but they're going to space, and so it makes his dad's new job out of town kind of a moot point.
The shuttle launches and Justin watches from outside and walks away sadly. The Rangers hold hands as the shuttle continues to ascend. To Be Continued....In Space!
Next Time: We learn that alliances of evil have even worse security than NASADA. Also, SPACE!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's not as cool as you might think.
Chase into Space, Part I
Power Rangers Turbo, Episode 44
Original Airdate: 11-21-1997
Last Time: Bulk and Skull got their very last spotlight episode.
Justin and his dad are walking out of the house. Justin's dad is getting ready to interview for another job. Justin helps adjusts his dad's tie. Don't worry, this will all end gloriously. In space, Divatox is tired of fucking around with the Power Rangers. She wants them dead! She wants their families dead! She wants their houses burned to ground! She wants to be able to go to the graveyard and piss on the ashes! To that end, she's called in a ringer by the name of Goldgoyle. He's already giant-sized and the Piranhatrons cower in fear of him. She sends him out to destroy the Power Rangers. Credits!
In one of the last scenes ever at the juice bar, which has been around since the first season, the Rangers watch a shuttle land on TV. Justin is entranced. The TV report continues with an interview with some guy named Norquist, the mission control director for....NASADA. They couldn't get the rights to use NASA, eh? Justin's dad shows up at the juice bar, and Lt. Stone greets him. Goodbye, Lt. Stone, for you will ne'er be seen again! Justin's dad got the job! But there's a problem! The job is far away from Angel Grove, and he doesn't want to leave Justin again, so he wants Justin to leave Angel Grove, and therefore, the Power Rangers. Wait, that's not a problem. That's not a problem at all! Justin doesn't want to leave. Do I get a vote? Bulk and Skull show up. Inevitably they fling milkshakes at each other. All present are glad that the season has come full circle on this running joke. Justin's dad decides not to take the job. Damn you, Justin! When will I be free of thee? The Rangers communicators go off, and Justin wants to talk to his dad about the situation some more. Carlos asks what's wrong. Justin explains.
Down at the Power Chamber, the Rangers are receiving a call from Eltar, or Eltair or Altair, or wherever the fuck Zordon went to at the beginning of the season. Justin claims it's the source of all their powers, to establish something that will pay off next episode and then never be mentioned again. Zordon's message is broken up by interference, but establishes that Eltar is under attack, and that the Rangers should not go to Eltar under any circumstances. He tells them to stay and protect the Earth. He messages concludes with a warning that cuts out just as he's about to explain what's going to happen. T.J.: "Rangers, beware?.....Of what?" Oh, T.J., these are going to be a couple of rough episodes for you.
In space, Divatox dispatches Goldgoyle. The Rangers detect him on sensors and head out to fight him. They morph for the very last time. Goldgoyle lands on Earth and taunts the Rangers a bit. The Rescue Megazord is called out. Ominous music plays as the rescue zords combine into the Rescue Megazord. The Rescue Megazord tries some guns that aren't Artillery Power, and they quickly get destroyed. Goldgoyle gets to work on wrecking the Rescue Megazord. T.J. calls for Artillery Power. Goldgoyle manages to collect the energy from the attack and launch it back at the Rescue Megazord. The Rescue Megazord gets the crap blown out of it and goes down in a heap, but the Rangers manage to pick it up off of the ground. Goldgoyle knocks it down again with some more energy blasts. It's not going well for the Rangers. T.J. orders the Rescue Megazord back up to its feet, again. Goldgoyle knocks it down again, and, if this were governed by modern boxing rules, would score a TKO over the Rescue Megazord. T.J. orders the Rescue Megazord back on its feet one last time. T.J. has the T.J.iest plan that ever was! He orders the Rescue Megazord to walk right up to Goldgoyle and self-destruct. The Rangers think it's a great idea. The Rangers are wrong.
T.J. sets the Rescue Megazord to self-destruct, and start piloting the Rescue Megazord towards Goldgoyle, they're able to get him in a bear hug and the Rangers abandon the megazord. T.J. calls for the Turbo Megazord. The Rescue Megazord self-destructs and does...no damage to Goldgoyle. On the plus side, the Rangers have some more extra space in their Zord garage. The Turbo Megazord comes together with one last playing of Turbo Rangers theme to herald its arrival. T.J. immediately goes for the 'spin-out' finisher. The attack fails, and Goldgoyle taunts the Rangers some more. He reduces the Turbo Megazord to slag with one attack. T.J. is upset, but then has a plan! First step, abandon the wrecked megazord. T.J. then summons the Power Weapons in Turbo RAM Cannon mode. His plan, fly up on Lightning Cruiser and self-destruct the Turbo RAM Cannon in Goldgoyle's mouth. Somehow it actually works, but the Rangers are still down all of their megazords....and their power weapons. But wait, T.J. isn't done ensuring the complete annihilation of the Power Rangers yet! He orders the Rangers to teleport back to the Power Chamber, except they managed to get tracked by Rygog and Elgar. Now Divatox knows the location of the Power Chamber, and things are looking rather grim indeed.
Up in the Space Base, Divatox is celebrated her strategic victory over the Power Rangers. Rygog and Elgar show up to explain that they found the Power Chamber. Divatox decides to strike while the iron's hot, and orders the storming of the Power Chamber. At the Power Ranger, T.J. is explaining that both megazords were destroyed. Dimitria sees that bad news, and raises the stakes by announcing that Eltar has fallen to the forces of evil. The Rangers want to help him. Dimitria reminds them that Divatox still wants to conquer Earth. Dimitria decides that she has to go...with the Blue Senturion, who owns the last remaining zord on Earth, to help Zordon. I think she just wants to get out before it's too late. Divatox's siege force arrives outside of the Power Chamber. Justin hugs Blue Senturion and gives the robot his lucky coin. Blue Senturion finally understands why it is the humans cry. T.J. vows to protect the Earth.
Outside, Divatox reviews her vast army of Piranhatrons. She tells them to prepare to attack. Dimitria gives one last speech about hope and belief and stuff, and then leaves with the Blue Senturion. It's only going to take about a half-episode to prove her wrong. Outside, Divatox sees Dimitria and Blue Senturion are gone, and decides to attack immediately. The Piranhatrons begin rushing the Power Chamber. The Rangers see the army coming to attack them and are concerned. T.J. has yet another plan! Run outside of the Power Chamber and face an entire army on open ground. Incidentally, during the French and Indian War, also known as the Seven Year's War, the French General Montcalm had a similar response to reports of an English army massing outside of the easily defensible city of Montreal. He died and his army was routed. Let's see if the Rangers do any better!
Dramatic music swells as the Rangers leave the safety of the Power Chamber and head out to fight Divatox's army. To Be Continued! Can the Rangers stop Divatox's army of destruction?
Next Time: No, they cannot.
Original Airdate: 11-21-1997
Last Time: Bulk and Skull got their very last spotlight episode.
Justin and his dad are walking out of the house. Justin's dad is getting ready to interview for another job. Justin helps adjusts his dad's tie. Don't worry, this will all end gloriously. In space, Divatox is tired of fucking around with the Power Rangers. She wants them dead! She wants their families dead! She wants their houses burned to ground! She wants to be able to go to the graveyard and piss on the ashes! To that end, she's called in a ringer by the name of Goldgoyle. He's already giant-sized and the Piranhatrons cower in fear of him. She sends him out to destroy the Power Rangers. Credits!
In one of the last scenes ever at the juice bar, which has been around since the first season, the Rangers watch a shuttle land on TV. Justin is entranced. The TV report continues with an interview with some guy named Norquist, the mission control director for....NASADA. They couldn't get the rights to use NASA, eh? Justin's dad shows up at the juice bar, and Lt. Stone greets him. Goodbye, Lt. Stone, for you will ne'er be seen again! Justin's dad got the job! But there's a problem! The job is far away from Angel Grove, and he doesn't want to leave Justin again, so he wants Justin to leave Angel Grove, and therefore, the Power Rangers. Wait, that's not a problem. That's not a problem at all! Justin doesn't want to leave. Do I get a vote? Bulk and Skull show up. Inevitably they fling milkshakes at each other. All present are glad that the season has come full circle on this running joke. Justin's dad decides not to take the job. Damn you, Justin! When will I be free of thee? The Rangers communicators go off, and Justin wants to talk to his dad about the situation some more. Carlos asks what's wrong. Justin explains.
Down at the Power Chamber, the Rangers are receiving a call from Eltar, or Eltair or Altair, or wherever the fuck Zordon went to at the beginning of the season. Justin claims it's the source of all their powers, to establish something that will pay off next episode and then never be mentioned again. Zordon's message is broken up by interference, but establishes that Eltar is under attack, and that the Rangers should not go to Eltar under any circumstances. He tells them to stay and protect the Earth. He messages concludes with a warning that cuts out just as he's about to explain what's going to happen. T.J.: "Rangers, beware?.....Of what?" Oh, T.J., these are going to be a couple of rough episodes for you.
In space, Divatox dispatches Goldgoyle. The Rangers detect him on sensors and head out to fight him. They morph for the very last time. Goldgoyle lands on Earth and taunts the Rangers a bit. The Rescue Megazord is called out. Ominous music plays as the rescue zords combine into the Rescue Megazord. The Rescue Megazord tries some guns that aren't Artillery Power, and they quickly get destroyed. Goldgoyle gets to work on wrecking the Rescue Megazord. T.J. calls for Artillery Power. Goldgoyle manages to collect the energy from the attack and launch it back at the Rescue Megazord. The Rescue Megazord gets the crap blown out of it and goes down in a heap, but the Rangers manage to pick it up off of the ground. Goldgoyle knocks it down again with some more energy blasts. It's not going well for the Rangers. T.J. orders the Rescue Megazord back up to its feet, again. Goldgoyle knocks it down again, and, if this were governed by modern boxing rules, would score a TKO over the Rescue Megazord. T.J. orders the Rescue Megazord back on its feet one last time. T.J. has the T.J.iest plan that ever was! He orders the Rescue Megazord to walk right up to Goldgoyle and self-destruct. The Rangers think it's a great idea. The Rangers are wrong.
T.J. sets the Rescue Megazord to self-destruct, and start piloting the Rescue Megazord towards Goldgoyle, they're able to get him in a bear hug and the Rangers abandon the megazord. T.J. calls for the Turbo Megazord. The Rescue Megazord self-destructs and does...no damage to Goldgoyle. On the plus side, the Rangers have some more extra space in their Zord garage. The Turbo Megazord comes together with one last playing of Turbo Rangers theme to herald its arrival. T.J. immediately goes for the 'spin-out' finisher. The attack fails, and Goldgoyle taunts the Rangers some more. He reduces the Turbo Megazord to slag with one attack. T.J. is upset, but then has a plan! First step, abandon the wrecked megazord. T.J. then summons the Power Weapons in Turbo RAM Cannon mode. His plan, fly up on Lightning Cruiser and self-destruct the Turbo RAM Cannon in Goldgoyle's mouth. Somehow it actually works, but the Rangers are still down all of their megazords....and their power weapons. But wait, T.J. isn't done ensuring the complete annihilation of the Power Rangers yet! He orders the Rangers to teleport back to the Power Chamber, except they managed to get tracked by Rygog and Elgar. Now Divatox knows the location of the Power Chamber, and things are looking rather grim indeed.
Up in the Space Base, Divatox is celebrated her strategic victory over the Power Rangers. Rygog and Elgar show up to explain that they found the Power Chamber. Divatox decides to strike while the iron's hot, and orders the storming of the Power Chamber. At the Power Ranger, T.J. is explaining that both megazords were destroyed. Dimitria sees that bad news, and raises the stakes by announcing that Eltar has fallen to the forces of evil. The Rangers want to help him. Dimitria reminds them that Divatox still wants to conquer Earth. Dimitria decides that she has to go...with the Blue Senturion, who owns the last remaining zord on Earth, to help Zordon. I think she just wants to get out before it's too late. Divatox's siege force arrives outside of the Power Chamber. Justin hugs Blue Senturion and gives the robot his lucky coin. Blue Senturion finally understands why it is the humans cry. T.J. vows to protect the Earth.
Outside, Divatox reviews her vast army of Piranhatrons. She tells them to prepare to attack. Dimitria gives one last speech about hope and belief and stuff, and then leaves with the Blue Senturion. It's only going to take about a half-episode to prove her wrong. Outside, Divatox sees Dimitria and Blue Senturion are gone, and decides to attack immediately. The Piranhatrons begin rushing the Power Chamber. The Rangers see the army coming to attack them and are concerned. T.J. has yet another plan! Run outside of the Power Chamber and face an entire army on open ground. Incidentally, during the French and Indian War, also known as the Seven Year's War, the French General Montcalm had a similar response to reports of an English army massing outside of the easily defensible city of Montreal. He died and his army was routed. Let's see if the Rangers do any better!
Dramatic music swells as the Rangers leave the safety of the Power Chamber and head out to fight Divatox's army. To Be Continued! Can the Rangers stop Divatox's army of destruction?
Next Time: No, they cannot.
Parts and Parcel
Power Rangers Turbo, Episode 43
Original Airdate: 11-18-1997
Last Time: Ashley and Cassie learned an important lesson, I think. I don't know, it just kind of petered out at the end.
Bulk and Skull have their final new jobs of the season as delivery men. T.J. admires Bulk and Skull for always working. Bulk and Skull deliver an empty box that was supposed to contain a blender to Lt. Stone. Bulk and Skull attribute the missing blender to the mysterious "day-time Thief" who has been raiding their shipments over the past few days. They notice all of their other shipments are also empty. They're a bit concerned because their boss thinks that they've been stealing the packages and is threatening to have them arrested. T.J. believes in Bulk and Skull and decides to help them. Oh....maybe Bulk and Skull should hold out for a better Ranger. The three decide to have a stakeout. Credits!
The three, dressed in all black, plant a fake package at the warehouse to draw out the thief. Man, I don't think sneaking around in all black is the best course of action if you're trying to divert suspicion. Plus, it's Southern California and T.J. is black....no, this plan cannot end well. Bulk and Skull hide in a giant box. T.J. goes up onto a stack of boxes. The stakeout begins! Later, Bulk and Skull send T.J. to go get some food.
Up in space, Porto and Rygog are finishing up another evil zord. They're apparently out of monsters. They've also rigged up a remote control so Rygog can control all three evil zords at once. T.J. is about to bring food back to the warehouse, but gets called off to deal with some Piranahtrons. In the warehouse, Bulk and Skull hear a sound. It's the daytime thief! Carlos, T.J. and Ashley, meanwhile, see some Piranhatrons trying to steal a phone booth. The Piranhatrons manage to stall the Rangers long enough to steal a phone. T.J. heads back to the stakeout. Unfortunately, the daytime thief has already plundered the warehouse, and Bulk and Skull were too scared to get a good look. T.J. get mad for a minute, but then realizes that it's Bulk and Skull and he shouldn't have expected anything different. The stakeout team decide to regroup.
At the juice bar, Ashley and Cassie are applying makeup to Skull, in order to disguise him. T.J.: "It's stakeout time!" He's managed to get the other Rangers involved, and they've set up some sort of sting with Skull playing the part of an elderly housewife. Um....if they have girls helping them they don't really need to put a guy in drag. Anyway, Bulk delivers the fake package, but the daytime thief doesn't show up. T.J. tells Bulk to stall by delivering packages to the next house. Now, I bet you're thinking: who would be dumb enough to trigger this trap. Well, it's the only creatures in this show lowlier than Bulk and Skull, the Piranhatrons. T.J. decides to wait and see where this is going. The Piranhatrons find Skull dressed as a housewife and Bulk and Skull decide to make a tactical withdrawl. Carlos, Cassie and Ashley send the Piranhatrons to their maker. Bulk and Skull hide, and realize that the 'monsters from space stole it in order to build giant machines of death' is probably not going to be an acceptable explanation. T.J. opens the package the Piranhatrons try to steal and notes that it has circuitry. T.J. now understands what's going on. He tells Bulk and Skull to meet him at the juice bar in two hours. Bulk says that they'll be in jail in two hours. T.J. encourages them to become fugitives from the law until the meeting, in that case.
At the Power Chamber, T.J. is presenting his summation of the case. T.J. can't quite figure out what Divatox is building with the parts, however. The Catzord is finally ready, and Divatox sends it out. Alpha 6 explains that Divatox is stealing parts to create a remote control for her zords. Suddenly, the alarm goes off at Catzord attacks the city. The Rangers morph and head out. At the docks, the Blue Senturion is still dragging the mostly intact remains of the Sharkzord from last episode. Apparently it's taking him quite some time. Rygog, piloting the Catzord, manages to remote control the Sharkzord back to life. He also summons the Divazord from a few episodes back. The Rangers call out the Rescue Megazord, which has already managed to lose against both the Divazord and the Sharkzord. But hey, T.J.'s a gambler. T.J. elects to have the zords morph into a high-stance mode, despite the fact that that almost never works. The Robo Racer also shows up. A wild 6-on-3 melee breaks out, but the Rangers eventually get defeated. Divatox is pleased and orders Rygog to blast them at full strength. Porto suggest that she might not want to do that. Divatox demurs, and orders Rygog to use full power. The Catzord erupts into sparks. The Rangers somehow steal power from Catzord, and form the Rescue Megazord. T.J. is unsatsified at only using one megazord and calls out the Turbo Megazord as well. T.J. can apparently drive the Turbo Megazord by himself. They call for artillery power, and each megazord gets a gun. The Divazord and the Sharkzord go down into darkness. The two zords use their one-time-only joint finisher as the Rescue Megzord shoots its Artillery Power, and the Turbo Megazord cuts through the bullets, somehow making them stronger. It's an odd little attack. The Catzord goes down as well. Divatox swears that she will defeat the Rangers at any cost.
At the juice bar, Bulk and Skull are wearing disguises to avoid wrongful imprisonment. They aren't very good disguises, though. Their boss shows up with some police officers, and orders the officers to throw away the key. Whoa, even if Bulk and Skull were guilty, petty theft isn't exactly the sort of thing you get that long a sentence for. Bulk and Skull try telling the truth. It doesn't work. The moral of today's episode is that in the face of difficulty, don't be afraid to lie if it can get you off the hook. The Rangers, still morphed, show up and bail Bulk and Skull out of trouble. T.J. bids for the "Power to protect you both." Um...I've seen the next two episodes, that power ain't gonna protect nobody. The Rangers teleport out, and T.J. walks in about a half-second later. Bulk and Skull leave, satisfied, but not before Bulk calls T.J. "a-Okay." T.J. apparently said the same thing about Bulk and Skull. The Rangers and Bulk and Skull have finally reached detente. Show Over!
Next Time: Le Morte d'Turbeaux Megazord.
Original Airdate: 11-18-1997
Last Time: Ashley and Cassie learned an important lesson, I think. I don't know, it just kind of petered out at the end.
Bulk and Skull have their final new jobs of the season as delivery men. T.J. admires Bulk and Skull for always working. Bulk and Skull deliver an empty box that was supposed to contain a blender to Lt. Stone. Bulk and Skull attribute the missing blender to the mysterious "day-time Thief" who has been raiding their shipments over the past few days. They notice all of their other shipments are also empty. They're a bit concerned because their boss thinks that they've been stealing the packages and is threatening to have them arrested. T.J. believes in Bulk and Skull and decides to help them. Oh....maybe Bulk and Skull should hold out for a better Ranger. The three decide to have a stakeout. Credits!
The three, dressed in all black, plant a fake package at the warehouse to draw out the thief. Man, I don't think sneaking around in all black is the best course of action if you're trying to divert suspicion. Plus, it's Southern California and T.J. is black....no, this plan cannot end well. Bulk and Skull hide in a giant box. T.J. goes up onto a stack of boxes. The stakeout begins! Later, Bulk and Skull send T.J. to go get some food.
Up in space, Porto and Rygog are finishing up another evil zord. They're apparently out of monsters. They've also rigged up a remote control so Rygog can control all three evil zords at once. T.J. is about to bring food back to the warehouse, but gets called off to deal with some Piranahtrons. In the warehouse, Bulk and Skull hear a sound. It's the daytime thief! Carlos, T.J. and Ashley, meanwhile, see some Piranhatrons trying to steal a phone booth. The Piranhatrons manage to stall the Rangers long enough to steal a phone. T.J. heads back to the stakeout. Unfortunately, the daytime thief has already plundered the warehouse, and Bulk and Skull were too scared to get a good look. T.J. get mad for a minute, but then realizes that it's Bulk and Skull and he shouldn't have expected anything different. The stakeout team decide to regroup.
At the juice bar, Ashley and Cassie are applying makeup to Skull, in order to disguise him. T.J.: "It's stakeout time!" He's managed to get the other Rangers involved, and they've set up some sort of sting with Skull playing the part of an elderly housewife. Um....if they have girls helping them they don't really need to put a guy in drag. Anyway, Bulk delivers the fake package, but the daytime thief doesn't show up. T.J. tells Bulk to stall by delivering packages to the next house. Now, I bet you're thinking: who would be dumb enough to trigger this trap. Well, it's the only creatures in this show lowlier than Bulk and Skull, the Piranhatrons. T.J. decides to wait and see where this is going. The Piranhatrons find Skull dressed as a housewife and Bulk and Skull decide to make a tactical withdrawl. Carlos, Cassie and Ashley send the Piranhatrons to their maker. Bulk and Skull hide, and realize that the 'monsters from space stole it in order to build giant machines of death' is probably not going to be an acceptable explanation. T.J. opens the package the Piranhatrons try to steal and notes that it has circuitry. T.J. now understands what's going on. He tells Bulk and Skull to meet him at the juice bar in two hours. Bulk says that they'll be in jail in two hours. T.J. encourages them to become fugitives from the law until the meeting, in that case.
At the Power Chamber, T.J. is presenting his summation of the case. T.J. can't quite figure out what Divatox is building with the parts, however. The Catzord is finally ready, and Divatox sends it out. Alpha 6 explains that Divatox is stealing parts to create a remote control for her zords. Suddenly, the alarm goes off at Catzord attacks the city. The Rangers morph and head out. At the docks, the Blue Senturion is still dragging the mostly intact remains of the Sharkzord from last episode. Apparently it's taking him quite some time. Rygog, piloting the Catzord, manages to remote control the Sharkzord back to life. He also summons the Divazord from a few episodes back. The Rangers call out the Rescue Megazord, which has already managed to lose against both the Divazord and the Sharkzord. But hey, T.J.'s a gambler. T.J. elects to have the zords morph into a high-stance mode, despite the fact that that almost never works. The Robo Racer also shows up. A wild 6-on-3 melee breaks out, but the Rangers eventually get defeated. Divatox is pleased and orders Rygog to blast them at full strength. Porto suggest that she might not want to do that. Divatox demurs, and orders Rygog to use full power. The Catzord erupts into sparks. The Rangers somehow steal power from Catzord, and form the Rescue Megazord. T.J. is unsatsified at only using one megazord and calls out the Turbo Megazord as well. T.J. can apparently drive the Turbo Megazord by himself. They call for artillery power, and each megazord gets a gun. The Divazord and the Sharkzord go down into darkness. The two zords use their one-time-only joint finisher as the Rescue Megzord shoots its Artillery Power, and the Turbo Megazord cuts through the bullets, somehow making them stronger. It's an odd little attack. The Catzord goes down as well. Divatox swears that she will defeat the Rangers at any cost.
At the juice bar, Bulk and Skull are wearing disguises to avoid wrongful imprisonment. They aren't very good disguises, though. Their boss shows up with some police officers, and orders the officers to throw away the key. Whoa, even if Bulk and Skull were guilty, petty theft isn't exactly the sort of thing you get that long a sentence for. Bulk and Skull try telling the truth. It doesn't work. The moral of today's episode is that in the face of difficulty, don't be afraid to lie if it can get you off the hook. The Rangers, still morphed, show up and bail Bulk and Skull out of trouble. T.J. bids for the "Power to protect you both." Um...I've seen the next two episodes, that power ain't gonna protect nobody. The Rangers teleport out, and T.J. walks in about a half-second later. Bulk and Skull leave, satisfied, but not before Bulk calls T.J. "a-Okay." T.J. apparently said the same thing about Bulk and Skull. The Rangers and Bulk and Skull have finally reached detente. Show Over!
Next Time: Le Morte d'Turbeaux Megazord.
The Rival Rangers
Power Rangers Turbo, Episode 42
Original Airdate: 11-17-1997
Last Time: Justin got superpowers from being bitten by an ant. No, it wasn't a radioactive ant, or anything like that, it was just a normal, everyday any. The lesson is that being bitten by an animal gives you their powers. So kids, if you aren't a good swimmer, you should go find a shark and induce it to attack you.
In the Space Base, Divatox is looking over her most recently acquired loot. Porto informs her that the Sharkzord is ready. Divatox assigns him to pilot it. Porto, having seen the poor history of enemy zords and monsters fighting against the Power Rangers, is less than thrilled. In the juice bar, Ashley is leading some sort of modern dance class for kids. Really? Well, okay, sure. The class ends and the kids leave. Lt. Stone tries to sell her tickets to the upcoming dance, but Ashley doesn't have a date. Yes, girls who look like Ashley are known for having difficulty in finding dates, because guys are just terrified at the prospect of going out with gorgeous women. Some dude walks up, and Ashley is suddenly very interested, she ask Lt. Stone if said dude bought tickets to the dance. Lt. Stone helpfully informs Ashley that not only does the dude have two tickets, he doesn't have a date. Per Ashley: "Not yet." Credits!
The dude is hanging out with one of the girls from Ashley's dance class. We learn that the dude's name is Bobby, and Ashley flirts as much as is allowable in children's programming. Cassie shows up out of nowhere, and apparently also knows Bobby. Cassie is almost immediately able to detect the aftereffects of Ashley's flirting and is angry that Ashley is moving in on her turf. Bobby has to go, and the two girls note how awesome he is.
Later, in school, Ashley observes Bobby flanked by several other girls also interested in him. And by interested in him, I mean Bobby may break Tommy's record for most girls impregnated while still in high school. Bobby walks up to Ashley and asks if she isn't busy later, could she....give him a dance lesson. Ashley agrees. Cassie, drawn by some sort of primordial mating instinct, immediately shows up to cut off any further conversation. Cassie's going to the park with Bobby. Ashley realizes she'll need to step up her game if she's going to defeat an Asian girl. T.J. shows up, so we can all enjoy the Selwyn Ward acting experience. Ashley asks T.J. to play catch in the park so she can spy on Cassie and Bobby. T.J. is nothing if not easily led.
Cassie is playing acoustic guitar for Bobby who is sitting there motionlessly, either enraptured or in some sort of coma. He's hit with an errant baseball thrown by Ashley. Cassie sees through Ashley's plan. T.J., being the hopelessly clueless man that he is, invites Cassie and Bobby to play catch. They do. Cassie tries to get revenge on Ashley by throwing the baseball as hard as she can...but, well, Cassie throws like a girl. In response, Ashley throws the ball over by a sprinkler and Cassie manages to get muddy while trying to catch it. Ashley repeatedly laughs at Cassie. T.J. is puzzled by the events surrounding him, which is not an uncommon occurrence for him. The game breaks up and they all head home, with Cassie getting a ride from Bobby. Cassie is about to ask Bobby to the dance when Ashley comes from out of nowhere to offer some car advice. Ashley fixes Bobby's car as Cassie looks on displeased. I'd kill for a Piranhatron fight about now. Ashley leaves and Cassie once more is about to ask Bobby to the dance, when her communicator goes off. Erutan has heard my prayers! Cassie tries to beg off, but T.J. will have none of it, and if only there were some way I could relate in words the terrible delivery of T.J.'s lines, it would change the way you saw the world.
Anyway, the Rangers fight some Piranhatrons. This isn't one of those fights that really means anything, it's just there to keep the mixture of fight scenes to other scenes in the right proportion. T.J. decides to summon Lightning Cruiser and uses its lasers to blast Rygog and Elgar at point blank range. They flee, but not before Elgar warns of an ominous reprisal being planned. T.J. is puzzled by such a comment. What could it mean? Cassie rushes off, but Bobby has already left the park by the time she gets back.
The next day at school, Bobby asks Ashley some questions about Cassie. Ashley does the honorable thing and sandbags Ashley to hell. Another girl shows up and also flirts with Bobby. Later, Ashley is holding her dance class. Bobby's sister's feet hurt. Ashley uses this opportunity to gather more information about who Bobby's taking to the dance. Ashley finds out that Bobby likes someone, but is too afraid to ask. Ashley presses her information, but can't get any out of her before Bobby himself shows up. Bobby tells his sister to get a ride from his mother, because Bobby has business to attend to at the juice bar. Ashley starts her one-on-one dance lesson with Bobby. She is able to impart to him the mysteries of modern dance. Ashley's communicator goes off before she can get anywhere romantically with the apparently-irresistable lad. The Sharkzord has arrived and is on a rampage.
At the Power Chamber, the Rangers are briefed on the new zord. It apparently has the ability to operate underwater. Elgar and some Piranhatrons show up to fill kill some clock, as the Japanese footage is running out. The Rangers win, but Alpha 6 calls them to remind the about the giant zord destroying downtown. Les Megazord d'Rescue is called. Porto, piloting the Sharkzord, manages to knock the Rescue Megazord into the water. Apparently, the Rescue Megazord cannot abide being submerged in water and is losing power. T.J. has a plan! He activates some engines and flies the megazord out of the water. The Blue Senturion shows up with Robo Racer, and Porto is fucked. However, the Rescue Megazord is still losing power. They abandon ship and call on the Turbo Megazord. The Turbo Megazord is now somehow losing power. Apparently the Sharkzord has some sort of power-draining device. The Turbo Megazord runs out of power, and Justin tells Carlos to use the "reverse" power. Um...he might mean "reserve." Blue Senturion offer a plan to draw the Sharkzord's fire to give the Rangers one clean shot. The Turbo Megazord fires its chest guns directly at the machine's cockpit, and, more specifically, Porto. The Rangers are out for monster blood!
Down at the juice bar, Bobby comes up to T.J., Carlos and Justin. He asks for advice on asking a girl to the dance. Carlos dispenses romantic advice as only a man of Latin descent can. Cassie and Ashley walk in at the same time, and Bobby notes that the girl he wants to ask on a date has just arrived. Bobby, fortified by the male Rangers' advice, makes his move. And the winning girl is....not Ashley as he moves past her....and not Cassie as he heads to ask out...the girl who had been talking with Ashley in the library a few scenes ago. Cassie and Ashley make up. In the real world, they would also decide to spread unimaginably vicious rumors about the other girl. Cassie and Ashley still need dates. Justin offers to take them both, and Cassie and Ashley accept. Die, Season, Die! Show Over!
Next Time: Encyclopedia T.J. cracks the case of the disappearing Japanese footage!
Original Airdate: 11-17-1997
Last Time: Justin got superpowers from being bitten by an ant. No, it wasn't a radioactive ant, or anything like that, it was just a normal, everyday any. The lesson is that being bitten by an animal gives you their powers. So kids, if you aren't a good swimmer, you should go find a shark and induce it to attack you.
In the Space Base, Divatox is looking over her most recently acquired loot. Porto informs her that the Sharkzord is ready. Divatox assigns him to pilot it. Porto, having seen the poor history of enemy zords and monsters fighting against the Power Rangers, is less than thrilled. In the juice bar, Ashley is leading some sort of modern dance class for kids. Really? Well, okay, sure. The class ends and the kids leave. Lt. Stone tries to sell her tickets to the upcoming dance, but Ashley doesn't have a date. Yes, girls who look like Ashley are known for having difficulty in finding dates, because guys are just terrified at the prospect of going out with gorgeous women. Some dude walks up, and Ashley is suddenly very interested, she ask Lt. Stone if said dude bought tickets to the dance. Lt. Stone helpfully informs Ashley that not only does the dude have two tickets, he doesn't have a date. Per Ashley: "Not yet." Credits!
The dude is hanging out with one of the girls from Ashley's dance class. We learn that the dude's name is Bobby, and Ashley flirts as much as is allowable in children's programming. Cassie shows up out of nowhere, and apparently also knows Bobby. Cassie is almost immediately able to detect the aftereffects of Ashley's flirting and is angry that Ashley is moving in on her turf. Bobby has to go, and the two girls note how awesome he is.
Later, in school, Ashley observes Bobby flanked by several other girls also interested in him. And by interested in him, I mean Bobby may break Tommy's record for most girls impregnated while still in high school. Bobby walks up to Ashley and asks if she isn't busy later, could she....give him a dance lesson. Ashley agrees. Cassie, drawn by some sort of primordial mating instinct, immediately shows up to cut off any further conversation. Cassie's going to the park with Bobby. Ashley realizes she'll need to step up her game if she's going to defeat an Asian girl. T.J. shows up, so we can all enjoy the Selwyn Ward acting experience. Ashley asks T.J. to play catch in the park so she can spy on Cassie and Bobby. T.J. is nothing if not easily led.
Cassie is playing acoustic guitar for Bobby who is sitting there motionlessly, either enraptured or in some sort of coma. He's hit with an errant baseball thrown by Ashley. Cassie sees through Ashley's plan. T.J., being the hopelessly clueless man that he is, invites Cassie and Bobby to play catch. They do. Cassie tries to get revenge on Ashley by throwing the baseball as hard as she can...but, well, Cassie throws like a girl. In response, Ashley throws the ball over by a sprinkler and Cassie manages to get muddy while trying to catch it. Ashley repeatedly laughs at Cassie. T.J. is puzzled by the events surrounding him, which is not an uncommon occurrence for him. The game breaks up and they all head home, with Cassie getting a ride from Bobby. Cassie is about to ask Bobby to the dance when Ashley comes from out of nowhere to offer some car advice. Ashley fixes Bobby's car as Cassie looks on displeased. I'd kill for a Piranhatron fight about now. Ashley leaves and Cassie once more is about to ask Bobby to the dance, when her communicator goes off. Erutan has heard my prayers! Cassie tries to beg off, but T.J. will have none of it, and if only there were some way I could relate in words the terrible delivery of T.J.'s lines, it would change the way you saw the world.
Anyway, the Rangers fight some Piranhatrons. This isn't one of those fights that really means anything, it's just there to keep the mixture of fight scenes to other scenes in the right proportion. T.J. decides to summon Lightning Cruiser and uses its lasers to blast Rygog and Elgar at point blank range. They flee, but not before Elgar warns of an ominous reprisal being planned. T.J. is puzzled by such a comment. What could it mean? Cassie rushes off, but Bobby has already left the park by the time she gets back.
The next day at school, Bobby asks Ashley some questions about Cassie. Ashley does the honorable thing and sandbags Ashley to hell. Another girl shows up and also flirts with Bobby. Later, Ashley is holding her dance class. Bobby's sister's feet hurt. Ashley uses this opportunity to gather more information about who Bobby's taking to the dance. Ashley finds out that Bobby likes someone, but is too afraid to ask. Ashley presses her information, but can't get any out of her before Bobby himself shows up. Bobby tells his sister to get a ride from his mother, because Bobby has business to attend to at the juice bar. Ashley starts her one-on-one dance lesson with Bobby. She is able to impart to him the mysteries of modern dance. Ashley's communicator goes off before she can get anywhere romantically with the apparently-irresistable lad. The Sharkzord has arrived and is on a rampage.
At the Power Chamber, the Rangers are briefed on the new zord. It apparently has the ability to operate underwater. Elgar and some Piranhatrons show up to fill kill some clock, as the Japanese footage is running out. The Rangers win, but Alpha 6 calls them to remind the about the giant zord destroying downtown. Les Megazord d'Rescue is called. Porto, piloting the Sharkzord, manages to knock the Rescue Megazord into the water. Apparently, the Rescue Megazord cannot abide being submerged in water and is losing power. T.J. has a plan! He activates some engines and flies the megazord out of the water. The Blue Senturion shows up with Robo Racer, and Porto is fucked. However, the Rescue Megazord is still losing power. They abandon ship and call on the Turbo Megazord. The Turbo Megazord is now somehow losing power. Apparently the Sharkzord has some sort of power-draining device. The Turbo Megazord runs out of power, and Justin tells Carlos to use the "reverse" power. Um...he might mean "reserve." Blue Senturion offer a plan to draw the Sharkzord's fire to give the Rangers one clean shot. The Turbo Megazord fires its chest guns directly at the machine's cockpit, and, more specifically, Porto. The Rangers are out for monster blood!
Down at the juice bar, Bobby comes up to T.J., Carlos and Justin. He asks for advice on asking a girl to the dance. Carlos dispenses romantic advice as only a man of Latin descent can. Cassie and Ashley walk in at the same time, and Bobby notes that the girl he wants to ask on a date has just arrived. Bobby, fortified by the male Rangers' advice, makes his move. And the winning girl is....not Ashley as he moves past her....and not Cassie as he heads to ask out...the girl who had been talking with Ashley in the library a few scenes ago. Cassie and Ashley make up. In the real world, they would also decide to spread unimaginably vicious rumors about the other girl. Cassie and Ashley still need dates. Justin offers to take them both, and Cassie and Ashley accept. Die, Season, Die! Show Over!
Next Time: Encyclopedia T.J. cracks the case of the disappearing Japanese footage!
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Little Strong Man
Power Rangers Turbo, Episode 41
Original Airdate: 11-14-1997
Last Time: The Rangers learned a lesson about vampire safety!
Well, guys, it's the end of an era. Oh, Power Rangers Turbo still have a few episodes left, but this is the last Justin episode of Power Rangers Turbo, the last gruesome gleaming of the monumentally misguided kid-Ranger initiative. I understand why some people thought it might be a good idea. In an earlier time, a similar train of thought led to the creation of Robin, which in turn led to generations of Batman-is-a-pedophile/Batman-is-a-homosexual jokes. But suffice to say, it didn't work for Power Rangers.
It's track tryout day at Angel Grove High. Carlos asks Justin if he really wants to tryout for the track. Damn it, Carlos, deny me not the chance to see Justin be humiliated in front of his peers! Apparently it's been Justin's dream to be on the high school track since he was a kid. Carlos points out he still is a kid. Justin predictably takes umbrage at that last remark. Anyway, as a twelve year-old competing against high schoolers, he predictably sucks, and some generic douches make fun of him repeatedly. Go generic douches! On the Space Base, Divatox is ordering Porto to finish up her new Divazord. She's decided to pilot the zord herself, for she has learned the importance of leading by example. Credits!
Down at the juice bar, Justin is lifting weights. I don't think you're supposed to be lifting weights at his age. Cassie and Carlos show up to cheer him up. Lt. Stone is dealing with an ant infestation in the juice bar. Given that he let two chimps hang around for half a season, and allowed a dog inside, I can't say I'm surprised. He tries out a device that is supposed to scare away ants for a week, it looks like the ant version of a scarecrow. It's quite odd. Bulk and Skull show up with their new jobs: exterminators. You know, I love Bulk and Skull, but I fear for their safety and the safety of other when they're given poisonous chemicals. Lt. Stone wants no part of Bulk and Skull + Dangerous chemicals, and orders them out of the juice bar. Carlos asks why the hell Justin wants to part of the track team. Justin explains that it's sooooooo hard being the only twelve year-old in school, and figures everyone would like him if he we're on the track team. Unless being part of the track team ages you several years, I don't think Justin has a firm grasp on why other kids resent his presence in high school. He gets bitten by an ant, and perhaps the most gloriously stupid plot of the season is about to take shape. He decides to go back to the tryouts, and on the way out, accidentally rips the doors off their hinges. Yes, because an ant bit Justin, he now has super strength. Justin attributes his ability to rip doors out of their hinges with his bare hands as the result of his training. Justin may be the world's dumbest (alleged) super-genius.
Up in space, Divatox is meditating, but then can't stand it anymore and asks when her zord will be ready. At the tryouts, the coach calls for Justin, and is openly skeptical once he realizes that Justin is about four feet tall. Justin tries the long jump and is suddenly able to jump clear over the sand pit. Everyone applauds, but the generic douches from before are suspicious, as well they might. Justin tries the shotput and throws it out of the stadium. Carlos and Cassie show up and are concerned about this turn of events. Justin is able to clear a pole vault bar without use of a pole. Justin gets the respect of his peers, and all it took was superhuman feats of athleticism. Carlos wants to get Justin checked out, probably because Justin ratted him out when Carlos turned into a vampire, and Carlos wants payback. Carlos assumes that Divatox is behind Justin's super-strength, but Justin points out that giving the team super-powers is too stupid a plan even for Divatox. Dimitria asks if anything unusual happened to Justin that day. Carlos remembers that Justin got bitten by an ant. Apparently by being bitten by an ant, Justin now has 100 times the strength he should have at his size, like an ant. Angel Grove is apparently home to ants that can give you superpowers just by biting you.
Back at the juice bar, all of the Rangers except for Justin meet to talk about the situation. Lt. Stone is having trouble opening a jar. Fortunately, Justin is there to help him. He then challenges a guy to an arm wrestling match. The other Rangers notice, but choose not to interfere, after all, what's the worst thing that a guy with 100 times normal strength can do in an arm wrestling match? He doesn't rip the guys arm off, but he does humiliate the guy in front of a crowd. Carlos is displeased. Justin retorts that Carlos is great at soccer, and T.J. is great at baseball, and Ashley and Cassie are good at looking pretty and standing in the background, but this is all Justin has. The generic douches come by and suddenly want to hang out with Justin. Justin being Justin, he accepts unquestioningly. Divatox is confused as to how Justin is super-strong, and so sends some Piranhatrons to capture him. Okay, time out, Piranhatrons can't deal with normal Justin, and any time they capture some one, that person easily escapes at just the wrong moment. And now Justin has super-strength? Well, Divatox goes for it anyway.
The Piranhatrons show up and the generic douches immediately run away, because they are generic douches first and last. Justin tries to morph, but it fails for reasons that will be explained later. However, he still has super-strength, and the Piranhatrons can't deal with that. They eventually just picked up their wounded and run off. Justin taunts them. Who's the real hero here? The asshole kid with super-strength, or the Piranhatrons who fought against him despite impossible odds. The rest of the Rangers show up, and Justin reveals his morphing dysfunction.
Up in the Space Base, the Divazord is finally ready, and Divatox prepares to take it out. Back at the Power Chamber, Dimitria explains that Justin can have super-strength, or be a Power Ranger, but not both. Justin wants to be a track hero, but T.J. explains that it wouldn't be fair because Justin got his powers from an ant bite. The Rangers are alerted to the arrival of the Divazord. "Viva la Diva, baby!" Justin decides to be a Power Ranger over having super strength. They morph and confront the Divazord. Their timing is off because of the lack of torpedoes, but they eventually remember to call the Rescue Megazord. The Divazord picks up the Rescue Megazord and flies around with it. T.J. demands Divatox let the megazord go. Damn it, T.J., think before you say things. Divatox drops the Rescue Megazord onto the ground, hard. Divatox starts an attack that involves spinning the top part of her zord around at high speeds, and manages to make herself sick. She decides to retreat. Um...the Rangers win?
In space, Divatox is unsatisfied with the resolution of this episode. She threatens her minions, and then the scene ends just before she throws up. Down at the track, Justin is bummed that he lost his super-strength, and Carlos shows up to cheer him up. The other Rangers are also there. One of the generic douches shows up and Justin uses his super-smarts to explain the perfect angle to throw a javelin. I don't think....nevermind, is the episode over yet? Justin is now the technical advisor of the team, and the finale where the Rangers get the crap kicked out of them for two straight episodes cannot come fast enough. Show Over!
Next Time: The writers decide to try out a love triangle. The writers learn the error of their ways too late.
Original Airdate: 11-14-1997
Last Time: The Rangers learned a lesson about vampire safety!
Well, guys, it's the end of an era. Oh, Power Rangers Turbo still have a few episodes left, but this is the last Justin episode of Power Rangers Turbo, the last gruesome gleaming of the monumentally misguided kid-Ranger initiative. I understand why some people thought it might be a good idea. In an earlier time, a similar train of thought led to the creation of Robin, which in turn led to generations of Batman-is-a-pedophile/Batman-is-a-homosexual jokes. But suffice to say, it didn't work for Power Rangers.
It's track tryout day at Angel Grove High. Carlos asks Justin if he really wants to tryout for the track. Damn it, Carlos, deny me not the chance to see Justin be humiliated in front of his peers! Apparently it's been Justin's dream to be on the high school track since he was a kid. Carlos points out he still is a kid. Justin predictably takes umbrage at that last remark. Anyway, as a twelve year-old competing against high schoolers, he predictably sucks, and some generic douches make fun of him repeatedly. Go generic douches! On the Space Base, Divatox is ordering Porto to finish up her new Divazord. She's decided to pilot the zord herself, for she has learned the importance of leading by example. Credits!
Down at the juice bar, Justin is lifting weights. I don't think you're supposed to be lifting weights at his age. Cassie and Carlos show up to cheer him up. Lt. Stone is dealing with an ant infestation in the juice bar. Given that he let two chimps hang around for half a season, and allowed a dog inside, I can't say I'm surprised. He tries out a device that is supposed to scare away ants for a week, it looks like the ant version of a scarecrow. It's quite odd. Bulk and Skull show up with their new jobs: exterminators. You know, I love Bulk and Skull, but I fear for their safety and the safety of other when they're given poisonous chemicals. Lt. Stone wants no part of Bulk and Skull + Dangerous chemicals, and orders them out of the juice bar. Carlos asks why the hell Justin wants to part of the track team. Justin explains that it's sooooooo hard being the only twelve year-old in school, and figures everyone would like him if he we're on the track team. Unless being part of the track team ages you several years, I don't think Justin has a firm grasp on why other kids resent his presence in high school. He gets bitten by an ant, and perhaps the most gloriously stupid plot of the season is about to take shape. He decides to go back to the tryouts, and on the way out, accidentally rips the doors off their hinges. Yes, because an ant bit Justin, he now has super strength. Justin attributes his ability to rip doors out of their hinges with his bare hands as the result of his training. Justin may be the world's dumbest (alleged) super-genius.
Up in space, Divatox is meditating, but then can't stand it anymore and asks when her zord will be ready. At the tryouts, the coach calls for Justin, and is openly skeptical once he realizes that Justin is about four feet tall. Justin tries the long jump and is suddenly able to jump clear over the sand pit. Everyone applauds, but the generic douches from before are suspicious, as well they might. Justin tries the shotput and throws it out of the stadium. Carlos and Cassie show up and are concerned about this turn of events. Justin is able to clear a pole vault bar without use of a pole. Justin gets the respect of his peers, and all it took was superhuman feats of athleticism. Carlos wants to get Justin checked out, probably because Justin ratted him out when Carlos turned into a vampire, and Carlos wants payback. Carlos assumes that Divatox is behind Justin's super-strength, but Justin points out that giving the team super-powers is too stupid a plan even for Divatox. Dimitria asks if anything unusual happened to Justin that day. Carlos remembers that Justin got bitten by an ant. Apparently by being bitten by an ant, Justin now has 100 times the strength he should have at his size, like an ant. Angel Grove is apparently home to ants that can give you superpowers just by biting you.
Back at the juice bar, all of the Rangers except for Justin meet to talk about the situation. Lt. Stone is having trouble opening a jar. Fortunately, Justin is there to help him. He then challenges a guy to an arm wrestling match. The other Rangers notice, but choose not to interfere, after all, what's the worst thing that a guy with 100 times normal strength can do in an arm wrestling match? He doesn't rip the guys arm off, but he does humiliate the guy in front of a crowd. Carlos is displeased. Justin retorts that Carlos is great at soccer, and T.J. is great at baseball, and Ashley and Cassie are good at looking pretty and standing in the background, but this is all Justin has. The generic douches come by and suddenly want to hang out with Justin. Justin being Justin, he accepts unquestioningly. Divatox is confused as to how Justin is super-strong, and so sends some Piranhatrons to capture him. Okay, time out, Piranhatrons can't deal with normal Justin, and any time they capture some one, that person easily escapes at just the wrong moment. And now Justin has super-strength? Well, Divatox goes for it anyway.
The Piranhatrons show up and the generic douches immediately run away, because they are generic douches first and last. Justin tries to morph, but it fails for reasons that will be explained later. However, he still has super-strength, and the Piranhatrons can't deal with that. They eventually just picked up their wounded and run off. Justin taunts them. Who's the real hero here? The asshole kid with super-strength, or the Piranhatrons who fought against him despite impossible odds. The rest of the Rangers show up, and Justin reveals his morphing dysfunction.
Up in the Space Base, the Divazord is finally ready, and Divatox prepares to take it out. Back at the Power Chamber, Dimitria explains that Justin can have super-strength, or be a Power Ranger, but not both. Justin wants to be a track hero, but T.J. explains that it wouldn't be fair because Justin got his powers from an ant bite. The Rangers are alerted to the arrival of the Divazord. "Viva la Diva, baby!" Justin decides to be a Power Ranger over having super strength. They morph and confront the Divazord. Their timing is off because of the lack of torpedoes, but they eventually remember to call the Rescue Megazord. The Divazord picks up the Rescue Megazord and flies around with it. T.J. demands Divatox let the megazord go. Damn it, T.J., think before you say things. Divatox drops the Rescue Megazord onto the ground, hard. Divatox starts an attack that involves spinning the top part of her zord around at high speeds, and manages to make herself sick. She decides to retreat. Um...the Rangers win?
In space, Divatox is unsatisfied with the resolution of this episode. She threatens her minions, and then the scene ends just before she throws up. Down at the track, Justin is bummed that he lost his super-strength, and Carlos shows up to cheer him up. The other Rangers are also there. One of the generic douches shows up and Justin uses his super-smarts to explain the perfect angle to throw a javelin. I don't think....nevermind, is the episode over yet? Justin is now the technical advisor of the team, and the finale where the Rangers get the crap kicked out of them for two straight episodes cannot come fast enough. Show Over!
Next Time: The writers decide to try out a love triangle. The writers learn the error of their ways too late.
Carlos and the Count
Power Rangers Turbo, Episode 40
Original Airdate: 11-13-1997
Last Time: T.J. proved the folly of sabremetricians everywhere.
Bulk and Skull have new jobs again, this time as horror film festival organizers. It's a step up for them, to be honest. Justin and Carlos show up to watch, and the first movie is a vampire movie. Divatox, in a moment of prescience, is revolted by the thought of another fucking vampire move. Elgar is out on the balcony dealing with lunar bats. But they aren't even on the moon, and....anyway, Divatox turns one of the bats into her new monster, Count Nocturne. Credits!
Carlos and Justin split up after the movie ends. Carlos, having learned nothing from the vampire movie he just watched, walks alone on an unlit street after dark. Some Piranhatrons show up as a reminder to kids that monsters will come from nowhere and attack them if they are alone outside at night. Count Nocturne shows up and moves to make Carlos a vampire. Bulk and Skull walk by and witness the scene. Bulk and Skull realize that they have to get new jobs once more: vampire hunters!
At school the next day, Carlos is wearing all black and sunglasses because of his...condition. That, or he's a big Johnny Cash fan. Ashley comments on his new look and invites him the blood drive after school. Unfortunately, it's right next to the wooden-stake district. Carlos is intrigued by the nature of a blood drive. Bulk and Skull show up, and apparently their vision of a vampire hunter is a guy dressed for a safari with a necklace of garlic. They see Carlos' fangs, and are have second thoughts about their career choice. Justin confronts the pair, and Skull helpfully gives him some garlic. The principal shows up and points out that Bulk and Skull graduated last year. He sends them to detention. Bulk and Skull are rightfully confused as to how that works.
In another classroom, Justin sits down at the same table as Carlos and shows him the clove of garlic. Carlos does not react well. Justin notices and asks why Carlos is wearing sunglasses. Carlos explains that the light hurts his eyes. See, Justin, Carlos isn't a vampire, he's just very high. Later, Justin is doing some research on vampires when T.J. comes up behind him and surprises him. Cassie is also there. Justin observes Carlos and is suspicious. Divatox decides that Justin is learning too much way too early in the episode and orders Count Nocturne to slow the plot down with a fight scene.
T.J., Cassie and Justin are walking towards the juice bar when Justin runs into a concrete pole because he's engrossed in a book. Cassie examines the book Justin is reading, and mocks him for reading more about vampires. Cassie explains that there's no such thing as vampires. The vampire monster shows up. Oh, Cassie, when will you learn? The Rangers are able to fight him off after a while. Justin tells the other Rangers that Carlos is a vampire. Back at school, Ashley offers to "grab a bite" with Carlos after the blood drive. Carlos agrees, but decides that he might as well vampirize her now, but is interrupted by the other Rangers. Justin accuses him of being a vampire. Carlos takes offense at such insinuations of undeadhood. Justin challenges Carlos to look into a mirror, and Carlos' cover is blown. T.J. tries to convince Carlos to go to the Power Chamber, but Carlos doesn't want to go, he turns into a bat and leaves. T.J. is astonished at this turn of events. Unfortunately, this review is text only, but imagine the worst possible reading of the lines: "You were right! Carlos is a vampire!" and you'll begin to understand the magic of young Selwyn Ward.
The Rangers track Carlos to the blood drive. Bulk and Skull arrive, still in their vampire hunting gear. Lt. Stone does not believe, and Bulk and Skull can't quite get him to see Carlos. God knows they're trying, though. Ashley and T.J. manage to capture Carlos and send him to the Power Chamber. Alpha 6 has made an antidote, but Carlos doesn't want to take it. She administers it nonetheless, but the effects are only temporary. Count Nocturne attacks Angel Grove again, and the Rangers morph and roll out. They fight it out, and the Count is eventually beaten by the Turbo RAM Cannon. Torpedoes happen. The Rescue Megazord responds. The Rescue Megazord manages to get chained to a giant cross. The Rangers leave the Rescue Megazord to die for their sins and get into the Turbo Megazord. Count Nocturne breaks the Turbo Megazord's legs. Ouch. The Count proceeds to start using his drill on the downed Megazord. The Rangers combine the working parts from their two half-broken Megazords to form a new configuration. Artillery Power is asked for and received, and Count Nocturne is defeated. Divatox is once more angry, and tries to throw Elgar off of her space balcony.
Bulk and Skull are holding another film festival. The Rangers show up and Carlos and Justin try to traumatize the pair by joking around about vampires. You know, seeing as those two tried to warn everyone about the actual vampire in their midst, you'd think the Rangers would ease the hell off. Anyway, this week is werewolf night, and Skull is understandably concerned that a werewolf is going to show up. A werewolf-looking deliveryman arrives with the film and Bulk and Skull, having endured more than they can bear, collapse under the stress. Show Over!
Next Time: The very last Justin episode, I promise. Well, the last this season, at any rate.
Original Airdate: 11-13-1997
Last Time: T.J. proved the folly of sabremetricians everywhere.
Bulk and Skull have new jobs again, this time as horror film festival organizers. It's a step up for them, to be honest. Justin and Carlos show up to watch, and the first movie is a vampire movie. Divatox, in a moment of prescience, is revolted by the thought of another fucking vampire move. Elgar is out on the balcony dealing with lunar bats. But they aren't even on the moon, and....anyway, Divatox turns one of the bats into her new monster, Count Nocturne. Credits!
Carlos and Justin split up after the movie ends. Carlos, having learned nothing from the vampire movie he just watched, walks alone on an unlit street after dark. Some Piranhatrons show up as a reminder to kids that monsters will come from nowhere and attack them if they are alone outside at night. Count Nocturne shows up and moves to make Carlos a vampire. Bulk and Skull walk by and witness the scene. Bulk and Skull realize that they have to get new jobs once more: vampire hunters!
At school the next day, Carlos is wearing all black and sunglasses because of his...condition. That, or he's a big Johnny Cash fan. Ashley comments on his new look and invites him the blood drive after school. Unfortunately, it's right next to the wooden-stake district. Carlos is intrigued by the nature of a blood drive. Bulk and Skull show up, and apparently their vision of a vampire hunter is a guy dressed for a safari with a necklace of garlic. They see Carlos' fangs, and are have second thoughts about their career choice. Justin confronts the pair, and Skull helpfully gives him some garlic. The principal shows up and points out that Bulk and Skull graduated last year. He sends them to detention. Bulk and Skull are rightfully confused as to how that works.
In another classroom, Justin sits down at the same table as Carlos and shows him the clove of garlic. Carlos does not react well. Justin notices and asks why Carlos is wearing sunglasses. Carlos explains that the light hurts his eyes. See, Justin, Carlos isn't a vampire, he's just very high. Later, Justin is doing some research on vampires when T.J. comes up behind him and surprises him. Cassie is also there. Justin observes Carlos and is suspicious. Divatox decides that Justin is learning too much way too early in the episode and orders Count Nocturne to slow the plot down with a fight scene.
T.J., Cassie and Justin are walking towards the juice bar when Justin runs into a concrete pole because he's engrossed in a book. Cassie examines the book Justin is reading, and mocks him for reading more about vampires. Cassie explains that there's no such thing as vampires. The vampire monster shows up. Oh, Cassie, when will you learn? The Rangers are able to fight him off after a while. Justin tells the other Rangers that Carlos is a vampire. Back at school, Ashley offers to "grab a bite" with Carlos after the blood drive. Carlos agrees, but decides that he might as well vampirize her now, but is interrupted by the other Rangers. Justin accuses him of being a vampire. Carlos takes offense at such insinuations of undeadhood. Justin challenges Carlos to look into a mirror, and Carlos' cover is blown. T.J. tries to convince Carlos to go to the Power Chamber, but Carlos doesn't want to go, he turns into a bat and leaves. T.J. is astonished at this turn of events. Unfortunately, this review is text only, but imagine the worst possible reading of the lines: "You were right! Carlos is a vampire!" and you'll begin to understand the magic of young Selwyn Ward.
The Rangers track Carlos to the blood drive. Bulk and Skull arrive, still in their vampire hunting gear. Lt. Stone does not believe, and Bulk and Skull can't quite get him to see Carlos. God knows they're trying, though. Ashley and T.J. manage to capture Carlos and send him to the Power Chamber. Alpha 6 has made an antidote, but Carlos doesn't want to take it. She administers it nonetheless, but the effects are only temporary. Count Nocturne attacks Angel Grove again, and the Rangers morph and roll out. They fight it out, and the Count is eventually beaten by the Turbo RAM Cannon. Torpedoes happen. The Rescue Megazord responds. The Rescue Megazord manages to get chained to a giant cross. The Rangers leave the Rescue Megazord to die for their sins and get into the Turbo Megazord. Count Nocturne breaks the Turbo Megazord's legs. Ouch. The Count proceeds to start using his drill on the downed Megazord. The Rangers combine the working parts from their two half-broken Megazords to form a new configuration. Artillery Power is asked for and received, and Count Nocturne is defeated. Divatox is once more angry, and tries to throw Elgar off of her space balcony.
Bulk and Skull are holding another film festival. The Rangers show up and Carlos and Justin try to traumatize the pair by joking around about vampires. You know, seeing as those two tried to warn everyone about the actual vampire in their midst, you'd think the Rangers would ease the hell off. Anyway, this week is werewolf night, and Skull is understandably concerned that a werewolf is going to show up. A werewolf-looking deliveryman arrives with the film and Bulk and Skull, having endured more than they can bear, collapse under the stress. Show Over!
Next Time: The very last Justin episode, I promise. Well, the last this season, at any rate.
The Curve Ball
Power Rangers Turbo, Episode 39
Original Airdate: 11-12-1997
Last Time: Reverse Werewolf!
T.J. is playing in some sort of intramural game of baseball I remember way back when he was introduced, he said he was coming to Angel Grove for baseball, so I guess it's good continuity, of course, this is the first time we've seen him play baseball, and it will also be the last, so....
Anyway, T.J.'s team is up to bat, and he's giving on of his teammates some batting advice. Just then, his communicator goes off and he has to leave. Carlos is also there, but doesn't really do or say anything. Credits!
T.J. and Carlos morph and join the fight already in progress. Rygog and the Piranhatrons fight the Rangers. The Piranhatrons cement their reputation as the Washington Generals of the Power Rangers universe by dropping another fight. T.J. and Carlos rush back to the game. Once they arrive, their teammates are thrilled to see T.J., one of them declares, "We won't lose now!" Oh, if it were more than five minutes into the episode, I'd be inclined to agree, but T.J. has not yet learned an important lesson, so lose he must! It's T.J.'s turn to bat. T.J. immediately hits a home run and blows away my preconceived notions about episodic structure. Some guy moves onto the field. His name is Heath, and he's the new pitcher for the other team. Heath refuses to shake T.J.'s hand and mocks the rest of his team. Heath challenges T.J., Heath pitching against T.J. batting. For those keeping track at home, T.J.'s a lefty and Heath's a righty. Heath, however, has a secret weapon, the mighty curveball. T.J. is powerless against it, and strikes out on three pitches. The rest of his team stares on in disbelief.
Later, at the juice bar, T.J. cancels his plans with the other Rangers in order to spend more time figuring out how to hit Heath's pitch. Some members of the other team show up and make fun of T.J., one of them suggest that Heath's pitch has T.J. "spooked." That's probably not the best choice of words, there. T.J. vows to defeat Heath's dastardly curveball.
Down at the field, Bulk and Skull once more have new jobs that place then on the periphery of action. In this case, groundskeepers at the ball field. They also have a scary new boss who looks like he, like other great baseball players of the time, might be juicing. Anyway, Bulk and Skull manages to get chalk all other themselves. Later, T.J. is facing off against Heath again. Heath strikes T.J. out again. T.J. walks off the field, wondering why Erutan has forsaken him.
In the Space Base, Divatox figures she might as well make T.J. feel worse, and sends Strikeout, the monster of the week to terrorize him. At the game, some guy on T.J.'s team ask Heath for the secret to hitting his pitch. Heath declines to share it. T.J. and Carlos get called into a monster fight already in progress and the episode feels like it's starting over again. Strikeout has challenged the Rangers to some sort of batting game, and Justin's up first, using his power sword as a makeshift bat. Strikeout tosses a curveball, and it explodes, injuring Justin. The rest of the Rangers draw their power swords, and Strikeout also blows them up with curveballs. Strikeout throws another pitch, but T.J. is able to hit is back up the middle, and hurts the monster. Strikeout responds by throwing the high heat, and knocking out all of the Rangers. The monster, being the sport that he is, decides to retreat and leave the Rangers with the shame of being unable to hit his pitches. T.J. notes that he has to learn to hit a curveball....for the future of all mankind!
Back at the ball field, T.J. and Carlos watch Heath practice his curveball. T.J. wonders why he can't hit a curveball! Heath notices T.J. and later challenges him to a race on bicycles. T.J. declines, but Heath is already speeding past. Heath manages to ride his bike off of a cliff. So, I guess one way to hit a curveball is to throw any pitcher who throws the pitch into a ravine. Heath manages to grab onto the edge of the cliff. T.J. is able to pull him up, and thus, having saved Heath's life, now owns, and is therefore entitled to know the sacred mysteries of the curveball. But, T.J. being T.J., refuses to take such a gift in return, even though the very safety of the Earth depends on his learning how to hit a curveball. Incidentally, that last clause is the clearest summation of what the Power Rangers were like when I was a kid. The Earth was always on the brink of certain doom unless one of the Rangers was able to resolve a mundane problem in his day-to-day life.
Later, at the ball park, T.J. and Carlos watch Heath practice his curveball. I apparently have traveled back in time five minutes. Nah, it's just a repetitive scene. Anyway, Heath loves the Earth, and so he must share his secrets with T.J. for the survival of mankind. Alpha 6 informs Carlos that Strikeout is back, and he heads out to fight him. The Rangers sans T.J. confront the monster, but are no match for his pitching ability. However, T.J. has now mastered the secrets of the outcurve, and thus heads off to confront Strikeout. T.J. also brings his own wooden bat. T.J. digs in as the rest of the Rangers shout encouragement. You know, the Power Rangers have guns, they could use the guns. Or that Turbine Laser thing. They don't actually have to defeat the monster by hitting one of his pitches. Strikeout can't keep his fastball below the waist, and T.J. pummels it. I guess he didn't actually need to know how to hit a curveball after all.
Apparently having one of his pitches hit means that Strikeout has lost, and so Divatox fires the torpedoes. The Rangers call on the Turbo Megazord for its superior on-base percentage. Strikeout loses the game...also, his life. Divatox, disgusted with the MLB's sluggish response to the PED epidemic, as well as the latest foiling of her plans, is angry and bans baseball from the Space Base.
At yet another intramural game between the same two teams, T.J. cannot share the mysteries of the curveball with his teammates, even though his team will surely suffer as a result. Heath, however, being witness to the events of today's episode, knows that mankind will rise and fall with their knowledge of how to hit a curveball, and is thus compelled to share this information with all who seek it, lest humanity itself fall prey to more alien invaders with superior curveballs. T.J. smiles, knowing now that mankind is safe to pursue its own destiny. Show Over!
Next Time: Carlos becomes a vampire. No, really.
Original Airdate: 11-12-1997
Last Time: Reverse Werewolf!
T.J. is playing in some sort of intramural game of baseball I remember way back when he was introduced, he said he was coming to Angel Grove for baseball, so I guess it's good continuity, of course, this is the first time we've seen him play baseball, and it will also be the last, so....
Anyway, T.J.'s team is up to bat, and he's giving on of his teammates some batting advice. Just then, his communicator goes off and he has to leave. Carlos is also there, but doesn't really do or say anything. Credits!
T.J. and Carlos morph and join the fight already in progress. Rygog and the Piranhatrons fight the Rangers. The Piranhatrons cement their reputation as the Washington Generals of the Power Rangers universe by dropping another fight. T.J. and Carlos rush back to the game. Once they arrive, their teammates are thrilled to see T.J., one of them declares, "We won't lose now!" Oh, if it were more than five minutes into the episode, I'd be inclined to agree, but T.J. has not yet learned an important lesson, so lose he must! It's T.J.'s turn to bat. T.J. immediately hits a home run and blows away my preconceived notions about episodic structure. Some guy moves onto the field. His name is Heath, and he's the new pitcher for the other team. Heath refuses to shake T.J.'s hand and mocks the rest of his team. Heath challenges T.J., Heath pitching against T.J. batting. For those keeping track at home, T.J.'s a lefty and Heath's a righty. Heath, however, has a secret weapon, the mighty curveball. T.J. is powerless against it, and strikes out on three pitches. The rest of his team stares on in disbelief.
Later, at the juice bar, T.J. cancels his plans with the other Rangers in order to spend more time figuring out how to hit Heath's pitch. Some members of the other team show up and make fun of T.J., one of them suggest that Heath's pitch has T.J. "spooked." That's probably not the best choice of words, there. T.J. vows to defeat Heath's dastardly curveball.
Down at the field, Bulk and Skull once more have new jobs that place then on the periphery of action. In this case, groundskeepers at the ball field. They also have a scary new boss who looks like he, like other great baseball players of the time, might be juicing. Anyway, Bulk and Skull manages to get chalk all other themselves. Later, T.J. is facing off against Heath again. Heath strikes T.J. out again. T.J. walks off the field, wondering why Erutan has forsaken him.
In the Space Base, Divatox figures she might as well make T.J. feel worse, and sends Strikeout, the monster of the week to terrorize him. At the game, some guy on T.J.'s team ask Heath for the secret to hitting his pitch. Heath declines to share it. T.J. and Carlos get called into a monster fight already in progress and the episode feels like it's starting over again. Strikeout has challenged the Rangers to some sort of batting game, and Justin's up first, using his power sword as a makeshift bat. Strikeout tosses a curveball, and it explodes, injuring Justin. The rest of the Rangers draw their power swords, and Strikeout also blows them up with curveballs. Strikeout throws another pitch, but T.J. is able to hit is back up the middle, and hurts the monster. Strikeout responds by throwing the high heat, and knocking out all of the Rangers. The monster, being the sport that he is, decides to retreat and leave the Rangers with the shame of being unable to hit his pitches. T.J. notes that he has to learn to hit a curveball....for the future of all mankind!
Back at the ball field, T.J. and Carlos watch Heath practice his curveball. T.J. wonders why he can't hit a curveball! Heath notices T.J. and later challenges him to a race on bicycles. T.J. declines, but Heath is already speeding past. Heath manages to ride his bike off of a cliff. So, I guess one way to hit a curveball is to throw any pitcher who throws the pitch into a ravine. Heath manages to grab onto the edge of the cliff. T.J. is able to pull him up, and thus, having saved Heath's life, now owns, and is therefore entitled to know the sacred mysteries of the curveball. But, T.J. being T.J., refuses to take such a gift in return, even though the very safety of the Earth depends on his learning how to hit a curveball. Incidentally, that last clause is the clearest summation of what the Power Rangers were like when I was a kid. The Earth was always on the brink of certain doom unless one of the Rangers was able to resolve a mundane problem in his day-to-day life.
Later, at the ball park, T.J. and Carlos watch Heath practice his curveball. I apparently have traveled back in time five minutes. Nah, it's just a repetitive scene. Anyway, Heath loves the Earth, and so he must share his secrets with T.J. for the survival of mankind. Alpha 6 informs Carlos that Strikeout is back, and he heads out to fight him. The Rangers sans T.J. confront the monster, but are no match for his pitching ability. However, T.J. has now mastered the secrets of the outcurve, and thus heads off to confront Strikeout. T.J. also brings his own wooden bat. T.J. digs in as the rest of the Rangers shout encouragement. You know, the Power Rangers have guns, they could use the guns. Or that Turbine Laser thing. They don't actually have to defeat the monster by hitting one of his pitches. Strikeout can't keep his fastball below the waist, and T.J. pummels it. I guess he didn't actually need to know how to hit a curveball after all.
Apparently having one of his pitches hit means that Strikeout has lost, and so Divatox fires the torpedoes. The Rangers call on the Turbo Megazord for its superior on-base percentage. Strikeout loses the game...also, his life. Divatox, disgusted with the MLB's sluggish response to the PED epidemic, as well as the latest foiling of her plans, is angry and bans baseball from the Space Base.
At yet another intramural game between the same two teams, T.J. cannot share the mysteries of the curveball with his teammates, even though his team will surely suffer as a result. Heath, however, being witness to the events of today's episode, knows that mankind will rise and fall with their knowledge of how to hit a curveball, and is thus compelled to share this information with all who seek it, lest humanity itself fall prey to more alien invaders with superior curveballs. T.J. smiles, knowing now that mankind is safe to pursue its own destiny. Show Over!
Next Time: Carlos becomes a vampire. No, really.
Cassie's Best Friend
Power Rangers Turbo, Episode 38
Original Airdate: 11-11-1997
Last Time: The finer points of soccer were debated. Also, I hate Miami. That doesn't really have anything to do with last episode, I just thought I should share.
Down at the beach, the Rangers are hanging out. Cassie's playing with her heretofore unseen dog. The dog's name is Jetson. That's either a really good name for a dog or a really bad one, and I can't decide. Up in space, Elgar is fixing the Terrorzord from last episode. Porto introduces today's monster, Mr. Goorific. He can turn anything to an animal by spraying it with goo. Okay, things have gone off the rails at record speed. Mr. Goorific demonstrates by turning a Piranhatron into a mouse. Divatox is once again disappointed by the quality of her monsters, but sends Mr. Goorific out, nonetheless. The attack on the Rangers begins. Ol' Goo shoots some exploding goo at the Rangers, because apparently he can do that as well. Jetson is tied up to a post, but wants to help. Credits!
The Rangers fight some Piranhatrons and Jetson is still trying to get free and help the Rangers. Mr. Goorific tries to use his goo on Cassie, but manages to turn a Piranhatron into a turtle instead. Mr. Goorific flees. The Rangers regroup and Cassie comforts Jetson. At the juice bar, the Rangers are hanging out, they brought Jetson. Lt. Stone apparently doesn't give a shit about any health code! Bulk and Skull are looking for new jobs again and aren't very successful because they are using a month-old classifieds section. Cassie offers to get them a curent newspaper, via use of Jetson, who is able to take money, operate a newspaper dispenser (what are those called?) and bring back at paper. He also brings back change, which he seemed to have been holding in his paw. Bulk and Skull are understandably confused as to how this sequence of events could have possibly occurred. Cassie and Jetson head out.
Later, Cassie is saying that she sometimes wishes Jetson was a person. Yeah, you call tell where this is headed. Mr. Goorific teleports in to give his magical goo another shot. He is very determined to cover Cassie in his magical goo. Jetson cares not for such provacative attack plans and rushes the monster. Cassie morphs as Mr. Goorific wonders what spraying his goo on a dog would do. Oh, Mr. Goorific, have you no sense of decency? Jetson continues to rush at Mr. Goorific, who decides to run for it. Jetson pushes Mr. Goorific down a hill, but gets hit by the goo and seemingly disappears. Mr. Goorific decides to retreat and teleports out. Cassie can't find Jetson. Meanwhile, at the bottom of the hill, Jetson's collar is attached...to a man!
Back from commercials, Human-Jetson is confused by his situation, and also realizes that he needs some clothes. Cassie rushes back to the juice bar to get some help looking for the dog, and Bulk and Skull recall that they were detectives last season and they and the Rangers head out to find the wayward dog. Elsewhere, Jetson sees a flier that the Rangers put up to help find him. He heads down to the juice bar, as indicated on the poster. Jetson introduces himself to Cassie as he can talk, he adopts the name Jethro so as to avoid suspicion. He presents Jetson's collar to Cassie, which picques her interest. She, Jethro and Justin head out to the park to find the dog. Obviously, they don't, but they do notice Jethro sniffing another dog in the park. Jethro's alibi: He was asking around with the other dogs. The moral of today's episode is that dogs are terrible liars.
Jethro, realizing that as a human he now lacks a place to live and any real skills, offer to help Cassie look for Jetson some more. Cassie and Jethro put some fliers on car windshields. Blue Senturion, arrest them for making a public nuisance! Jethro suggests Dr. Simon, Jetson's veternarian. Cassie finds it odd that in addition to knowing the name of the local veternarian, Jethro also knows that it's Jetson's veternarian. Jethro stammers for a while, his canine instincts making him unable to effectively prevaricate, until Bulk and Skull show up with a dachsund, even though Jetson was a golden lab. Bulk and Skull have apparently been using a hot dog advertisement as their visual guide. Jethro is able to communicate with the dog, and tells Cassie that the dog is lost and needs to be taken home. Everyone finds this a bit odd. Jethro lies poorly about how he once saw the dog at the park and that's how he knows it's name and home. Cassie accepts this wholly unbelievable explanation.
She and Jethro return the dog to its rightful home. Cassie muses on how she wishes Jethro could find Jetson. At the park, Cassie watches a dog play, and Jetson gets himself and Cassie something to eat. Cassie misses Jetson, but Jethro volunteers to play with her instead. They play frisbee
Up in space, repairs on the Terrorzord are continuing. Cassie and Jethro head back to the juice bar, but Jethor hangs back a minute. He's holding fake dog paws in his hands for some reason. Oh, wait, that means he's turning back into a dog! He decides to conceal it the best he can for now. Something tells me that this is an unsustainable strategy. Jethro decides to try one last lie, and claims that he has to go back with his family away from Angel Grove, forever, and that he'll never, never be able to contact Cassie again. Cassie is bummed as Jethro leaves. Alpha 6 contacts her, Ashley and Carlos to send to a fight with Mr. Goorific already in progress. Cassie tries to take away Mr. Goorific's goo tube, but fails, and Mr. Goorific appears poised to spread his goo all over her prone body. Jetson, now a dog again, shows up and mauls the monster severely.
The Terrorzord suddenly shows up again. The Rangers are fucked. The Rescue Megazord gets called out, and the traditional Rescue Megazord fanfare is played, informing the audience that the Rangers are strong, tough, and invincible. Last episode, as you might recall, the Rescue Megazord get the crap kicked out of it, making such pronouncements the height of underseved arrogance. Divatox decides to go all in, and supersizes Mr. Goorific with the torpedoes. The Blue Senturion and his Robo Racer show up. The upsizing of Mr. Goorific turns out to be a tragic mistake, as the Rescue Megazord is able to steal his goo and turn the Terrorzord into a camel. Mr Goorific couldn't take a dog, so he definitely can't survive Artillery Power, and he doesn't.
Back at the juice bar, Bulk and Skull are still looking for Jetson, passing by the dog, back in the possession of Cassie, in the process. Cassie says that Jetson reminds her of Jethro, and that finally gets the wheels in her brain turning. Unfortunately, her mind cannot accept the possibility that Jethro and Jetson are one and the same, and the episode mercifully, thankfully, graciously ends. Show Over!
Next Time: T.J. learns a lesson about the importance of pitch recognition!
Original Airdate: 11-11-1997
Last Time: The finer points of soccer were debated. Also, I hate Miami. That doesn't really have anything to do with last episode, I just thought I should share.
Down at the beach, the Rangers are hanging out. Cassie's playing with her heretofore unseen dog. The dog's name is Jetson. That's either a really good name for a dog or a really bad one, and I can't decide. Up in space, Elgar is fixing the Terrorzord from last episode. Porto introduces today's monster, Mr. Goorific. He can turn anything to an animal by spraying it with goo. Okay, things have gone off the rails at record speed. Mr. Goorific demonstrates by turning a Piranhatron into a mouse. Divatox is once again disappointed by the quality of her monsters, but sends Mr. Goorific out, nonetheless. The attack on the Rangers begins. Ol' Goo shoots some exploding goo at the Rangers, because apparently he can do that as well. Jetson is tied up to a post, but wants to help. Credits!
The Rangers fight some Piranhatrons and Jetson is still trying to get free and help the Rangers. Mr. Goorific tries to use his goo on Cassie, but manages to turn a Piranhatron into a turtle instead. Mr. Goorific flees. The Rangers regroup and Cassie comforts Jetson. At the juice bar, the Rangers are hanging out, they brought Jetson. Lt. Stone apparently doesn't give a shit about any health code! Bulk and Skull are looking for new jobs again and aren't very successful because they are using a month-old classifieds section. Cassie offers to get them a curent newspaper, via use of Jetson, who is able to take money, operate a newspaper dispenser (what are those called?) and bring back at paper. He also brings back change, which he seemed to have been holding in his paw. Bulk and Skull are understandably confused as to how this sequence of events could have possibly occurred. Cassie and Jetson head out.
Later, Cassie is saying that she sometimes wishes Jetson was a person. Yeah, you call tell where this is headed. Mr. Goorific teleports in to give his magical goo another shot. He is very determined to cover Cassie in his magical goo. Jetson cares not for such provacative attack plans and rushes the monster. Cassie morphs as Mr. Goorific wonders what spraying his goo on a dog would do. Oh, Mr. Goorific, have you no sense of decency? Jetson continues to rush at Mr. Goorific, who decides to run for it. Jetson pushes Mr. Goorific down a hill, but gets hit by the goo and seemingly disappears. Mr. Goorific decides to retreat and teleports out. Cassie can't find Jetson. Meanwhile, at the bottom of the hill, Jetson's collar is attached...to a man!
Back from commercials, Human-Jetson is confused by his situation, and also realizes that he needs some clothes. Cassie rushes back to the juice bar to get some help looking for the dog, and Bulk and Skull recall that they were detectives last season and they and the Rangers head out to find the wayward dog. Elsewhere, Jetson sees a flier that the Rangers put up to help find him. He heads down to the juice bar, as indicated on the poster. Jetson introduces himself to Cassie as he can talk, he adopts the name Jethro so as to avoid suspicion. He presents Jetson's collar to Cassie, which picques her interest. She, Jethro and Justin head out to the park to find the dog. Obviously, they don't, but they do notice Jethro sniffing another dog in the park. Jethro's alibi: He was asking around with the other dogs. The moral of today's episode is that dogs are terrible liars.
Jethro, realizing that as a human he now lacks a place to live and any real skills, offer to help Cassie look for Jetson some more. Cassie and Jethro put some fliers on car windshields. Blue Senturion, arrest them for making a public nuisance! Jethro suggests Dr. Simon, Jetson's veternarian. Cassie finds it odd that in addition to knowing the name of the local veternarian, Jethro also knows that it's Jetson's veternarian. Jethro stammers for a while, his canine instincts making him unable to effectively prevaricate, until Bulk and Skull show up with a dachsund, even though Jetson was a golden lab. Bulk and Skull have apparently been using a hot dog advertisement as their visual guide. Jethro is able to communicate with the dog, and tells Cassie that the dog is lost and needs to be taken home. Everyone finds this a bit odd. Jethro lies poorly about how he once saw the dog at the park and that's how he knows it's name and home. Cassie accepts this wholly unbelievable explanation.
She and Jethro return the dog to its rightful home. Cassie muses on how she wishes Jethro could find Jetson. At the park, Cassie watches a dog play, and Jetson gets himself and Cassie something to eat. Cassie misses Jetson, but Jethro volunteers to play with her instead. They play frisbee
Up in space, repairs on the Terrorzord are continuing. Cassie and Jethro head back to the juice bar, but Jethor hangs back a minute. He's holding fake dog paws in his hands for some reason. Oh, wait, that means he's turning back into a dog! He decides to conceal it the best he can for now. Something tells me that this is an unsustainable strategy. Jethro decides to try one last lie, and claims that he has to go back with his family away from Angel Grove, forever, and that he'll never, never be able to contact Cassie again. Cassie is bummed as Jethro leaves. Alpha 6 contacts her, Ashley and Carlos to send to a fight with Mr. Goorific already in progress. Cassie tries to take away Mr. Goorific's goo tube, but fails, and Mr. Goorific appears poised to spread his goo all over her prone body. Jetson, now a dog again, shows up and mauls the monster severely.
The Terrorzord suddenly shows up again. The Rangers are fucked. The Rescue Megazord gets called out, and the traditional Rescue Megazord fanfare is played, informing the audience that the Rangers are strong, tough, and invincible. Last episode, as you might recall, the Rescue Megazord get the crap kicked out of it, making such pronouncements the height of underseved arrogance. Divatox decides to go all in, and supersizes Mr. Goorific with the torpedoes. The Blue Senturion and his Robo Racer show up. The upsizing of Mr. Goorific turns out to be a tragic mistake, as the Rescue Megazord is able to steal his goo and turn the Terrorzord into a camel. Mr Goorific couldn't take a dog, so he definitely can't survive Artillery Power, and he doesn't.
Back at the juice bar, Bulk and Skull are still looking for Jetson, passing by the dog, back in the possession of Cassie, in the process. Cassie says that Jetson reminds her of Jethro, and that finally gets the wheels in her brain turning. Unfortunately, her mind cannot accept the possibility that Jethro and Jetson are one and the same, and the episode mercifully, thankfully, graciously ends. Show Over!
Next Time: T.J. learns a lesson about the importance of pitch recognition!
Monday, June 28, 2010
The Accident
Power Rangers Turbo, Episode 37
Original Airdate: 11-10-1997
Last Time: Cassie learned an important lesson, probably. Something about music? Eh, whatever.
At school, Carlos and another player are getting ready to meet the coach. Wait, Adam was the coach of the soccer team at the beginning of the season. Does that mean what I think it means? No, it does not, apparently in addition to being kicked off of the Power Rangers, the old Rangers were also fired from their jobs and forced to vacate the greater Angel Grove area. Adam's replacement is some older white guy. The coach announces that he's naming a new captain, and it's either going to be Carlos or the other guy, whose name is Owen. Coach is concerned about Owen's sportsmanship and Carlos' missing of practices. Later, Carlos is chatting with Justin about his soccer troubles. He doesn't feel right competing against Owen. Some other soccer player invites Carlos into the game, and that means it's time for another soccer scene. In the course of the game, Carlos slide-tackles Owen and manages to bust Owen's leg. Well, that's one way of winning the captainship. Credits!
Back at the game, Carlos learns he has managed to break Owen's leg. Incidentally, we'll be seeing basically the same plot next season, still involving Carlos, and Adam will actually be there, so if you want to skip this episode and wait until I get to that one, I wouldn't blame you. Some other soccer guy accuses Carlos of making an illegal move. Listen, as an American, I have no idea of whether or not you're allowed to do what Carlos did. For purposes of amusement, I'm going to assume it was flagrantly illegal. The coach shows up and sends Owen to the emergency room.
Up in space, Porto informs Divatox that he's almost finished building her a megazord of her own. Porto isn't sure that it won't explode, however, so Divatox decides to use Elgar as a test pilot. At the launch bay, the Terrorzord is almost ready, but Elgar launches before Porto can make the proper adjustments.
Down at Angel Grove High, the soccer team is debating whether or not Carlos' slide-tackle was illegal. Carlos shows up and overhears that Owen's out for the season. A couple of team members quit the team in protest of Carlos' promotion to captain. Another soccer practice! And Bulk and Skull are now working as water delivery men. It does not go well. Carlos is still suffering flashbacks to when he broke Owen's ankle, and his play suffers as a result. Coach says that if Carlos didn't mean it, it was an accident. That excuse will hold up in neither criminal nor civil court. Also, that people get hurt in sports, but Carlos needs to move on. Adam could've said it better....and someday he will!
Divatox decides to do something to make Carlos feel even guiltier. At this point, spite is all she has left. Porto comes in to share some concerns about the imminent catastrophic failure of the Terrorzord. Divatox is too busy sending a monster to listen to him. Back on Earth, Carlos considers how Adam would brood in this situation. Owen shows up to ask why Carlos broke his leg. He's flanked by those two dudes who quit the team earlier. Owen says that the doctors say he'll never play soccer again. Holy fuck, that must've been some slide-tackle. Owen also accuses Carlos of giving him inoperable cancer. Okay, not really. Anyway, the other Rangers show up to announce that Owen and the soccer players are really Piranhatrons. The Piranhatrons Suck theme plays, and the Piranhatrons lose.
T.J. explains that Divatox is trying to trick Carlos into being guilty. Carlos decides to quit soccer regardless. Divatox is mildly pleased with the relative success of her plan, and wonders if she could guilt-trip the other Rangers. Porto finally explains that the Terrorzord is dangerously unready for combat. Divatox is angry.
At school, Carlos decides to talk to the real Owen and hopes it isn't as traumatizing as his conversation with the fake Owen. It doesn't go much better, as Owen accuses Carlos of making an illegal move. Carlos defends the legality of his slide-tackle. I, for one, have no idea. The real Owen implies Carlos injured him on purpose and leaves. Carlos hopes that this Owen was also fake. Elsewhere, Carlos is brooding at the side of the road. The Blue Senturion shows up, giving tickets to illegally parked cars. Seems kind of odd that he's doing that. Are they normal tickets, or do you have to report to some sort of galactic traffic court to contest the fine? Do you pay in dollars or some sort of interstellar currency? I have so many questions! Blue Senturion sees Carlos and goes over to see what the trouble is. Carlos explains that soccer used to be fun, but now it's not. The Blue Senturion does not think he can help Carlos, because he is but a machine. The Blue Senturion detects a moving violation...by which he means the landing of the Terrorzord. Blue Senturion calls for the Robo Racer.
They fight it out, and Terrorzord manages to tie up Robo Racer with the Racer's own handcuff chain. The Rangers get called into the Power Chamber and see the situation. The Rescue Megazord enters the fray. Artillery Power and the fight is....not over because Terrorzord teleported out of the way. They try again, and Elgar manages to use the Robo Racer as a shield. Divatox is pleased, but Porto reminds her that the Terrorzord is probably going to fall apart pretty soon if she doesn't call it back. Elgar destroys the Rescue Megazords guns with a giant axe. Then he beats it up good and knocks it to the ground. The Terrorzord breaks just as it's about to strike the final blow. Man, that's a bummer. The Terrorzord has to retreat. The Rangers win by default.
Up in space, Divatox is rightfully pissed that she lost. She demands Porto fix the Terrorzord. Back at high school, Owen learns from Coach that Carlos quit the team. Carlos and Owen have their decisive, final heart-to-heart talk. Owen absolves Carlos of his crimes and blames his own clumsiness for the injury. That's good enough for Carlos, who immediately rushes off to rejoin the team. Show Over!
Next Time: Cassie gets a new love interest...unfortunately, it's her fucking dog.
Original Airdate: 11-10-1997
Last Time: Cassie learned an important lesson, probably. Something about music? Eh, whatever.
At school, Carlos and another player are getting ready to meet the coach. Wait, Adam was the coach of the soccer team at the beginning of the season. Does that mean what I think it means? No, it does not, apparently in addition to being kicked off of the Power Rangers, the old Rangers were also fired from their jobs and forced to vacate the greater Angel Grove area. Adam's replacement is some older white guy. The coach announces that he's naming a new captain, and it's either going to be Carlos or the other guy, whose name is Owen. Coach is concerned about Owen's sportsmanship and Carlos' missing of practices. Later, Carlos is chatting with Justin about his soccer troubles. He doesn't feel right competing against Owen. Some other soccer player invites Carlos into the game, and that means it's time for another soccer scene. In the course of the game, Carlos slide-tackles Owen and manages to bust Owen's leg. Well, that's one way of winning the captainship. Credits!
Back at the game, Carlos learns he has managed to break Owen's leg. Incidentally, we'll be seeing basically the same plot next season, still involving Carlos, and Adam will actually be there, so if you want to skip this episode and wait until I get to that one, I wouldn't blame you. Some other soccer guy accuses Carlos of making an illegal move. Listen, as an American, I have no idea of whether or not you're allowed to do what Carlos did. For purposes of amusement, I'm going to assume it was flagrantly illegal. The coach shows up and sends Owen to the emergency room.
Up in space, Porto informs Divatox that he's almost finished building her a megazord of her own. Porto isn't sure that it won't explode, however, so Divatox decides to use Elgar as a test pilot. At the launch bay, the Terrorzord is almost ready, but Elgar launches before Porto can make the proper adjustments.
Down at Angel Grove High, the soccer team is debating whether or not Carlos' slide-tackle was illegal. Carlos shows up and overhears that Owen's out for the season. A couple of team members quit the team in protest of Carlos' promotion to captain. Another soccer practice! And Bulk and Skull are now working as water delivery men. It does not go well. Carlos is still suffering flashbacks to when he broke Owen's ankle, and his play suffers as a result. Coach says that if Carlos didn't mean it, it was an accident. That excuse will hold up in neither criminal nor civil court. Also, that people get hurt in sports, but Carlos needs to move on. Adam could've said it better....and someday he will!
Divatox decides to do something to make Carlos feel even guiltier. At this point, spite is all she has left. Porto comes in to share some concerns about the imminent catastrophic failure of the Terrorzord. Divatox is too busy sending a monster to listen to him. Back on Earth, Carlos considers how Adam would brood in this situation. Owen shows up to ask why Carlos broke his leg. He's flanked by those two dudes who quit the team earlier. Owen says that the doctors say he'll never play soccer again. Holy fuck, that must've been some slide-tackle. Owen also accuses Carlos of giving him inoperable cancer. Okay, not really. Anyway, the other Rangers show up to announce that Owen and the soccer players are really Piranhatrons. The Piranhatrons Suck theme plays, and the Piranhatrons lose.
T.J. explains that Divatox is trying to trick Carlos into being guilty. Carlos decides to quit soccer regardless. Divatox is mildly pleased with the relative success of her plan, and wonders if she could guilt-trip the other Rangers. Porto finally explains that the Terrorzord is dangerously unready for combat. Divatox is angry.
At school, Carlos decides to talk to the real Owen and hopes it isn't as traumatizing as his conversation with the fake Owen. It doesn't go much better, as Owen accuses Carlos of making an illegal move. Carlos defends the legality of his slide-tackle. I, for one, have no idea. The real Owen implies Carlos injured him on purpose and leaves. Carlos hopes that this Owen was also fake. Elsewhere, Carlos is brooding at the side of the road. The Blue Senturion shows up, giving tickets to illegally parked cars. Seems kind of odd that he's doing that. Are they normal tickets, or do you have to report to some sort of galactic traffic court to contest the fine? Do you pay in dollars or some sort of interstellar currency? I have so many questions! Blue Senturion sees Carlos and goes over to see what the trouble is. Carlos explains that soccer used to be fun, but now it's not. The Blue Senturion does not think he can help Carlos, because he is but a machine. The Blue Senturion detects a moving violation...by which he means the landing of the Terrorzord. Blue Senturion calls for the Robo Racer.
They fight it out, and Terrorzord manages to tie up Robo Racer with the Racer's own handcuff chain. The Rangers get called into the Power Chamber and see the situation. The Rescue Megazord enters the fray. Artillery Power and the fight is....not over because Terrorzord teleported out of the way. They try again, and Elgar manages to use the Robo Racer as a shield. Divatox is pleased, but Porto reminds her that the Terrorzord is probably going to fall apart pretty soon if she doesn't call it back. Elgar destroys the Rescue Megazords guns with a giant axe. Then he beats it up good and knocks it to the ground. The Terrorzord breaks just as it's about to strike the final blow. Man, that's a bummer. The Terrorzord has to retreat. The Rangers win by default.
Up in space, Divatox is rightfully pissed that she lost. She demands Porto fix the Terrorzord. Back at high school, Owen learns from Coach that Carlos quit the team. Carlos and Owen have their decisive, final heart-to-heart talk. Owen absolves Carlos of his crimes and blames his own clumsiness for the injury. That's good enough for Carlos, who immediately rushes off to rejoin the team. Show Over!
Next Time: Cassie gets a new love interest...unfortunately, it's her fucking dog.
The Song of Confusion
Power Rangers Turbo, Episode 36
Original Airdate: 11-07-1997
Last Time: The Passion of the Erutan.
Cassie is playing with some other girl. It's kind of like the Indigo Girls....except somehow worse. This episode is going to hurt, and since you readers can't hear the episode, I hate you most of all for not sharing my pain. Everyone at the juice bar seems to like it. Everyone at the juice bar is wrong! Cassie and the other girl decide to start a band. Lt. Stone volunteers the use of his juice bar for auditions. Fuck you, Lt. Stone! This inspires Divatox to write her own rock song. Credits!
Cassie and other girl start their auditions. First up, an inhumanly awkward girl with an accordion! Then, a Scotsman with bagpipes! A beatnik with bongos! Some dude with a kazoo! An old guy with a banjo! A liberal arts major with some African drums! A nerd with a keyboard! Two guys with cymbals! Holy fuck, I just figured out where the idea for American Idol came from! Bulk and Skull show up. They need a new job, again. Bulk and Skull rock out unsuccessfully. This scene may never end! Five guys who are suspiciously color-coded to match the Power Ranger walk in and audition. They kind of sound like some sort of derivative Grunge-esque type of thing. The band sings an ominous song about using a song to plunge the world into total confusion and chaos. Cassie and other girl think that the band will be a great fit with them, but don't really need five extra musicians. The leader, Crash, refuses to split up the band. Other girl volunteers to step out of the band, and a new band is formed, it will be called Cassie with Crash and the Creeps.
Later, at the school, T.J. asks Cassie when the band is going to play. The answer: at the juice bar: and then, one scene transition later, we are there! They play the confusion song again. Everyone is happy, except for other girl, who walks away dejectedly. Crash apparently doesn't want to play other girls music, because he needs to focus on his message of plunging Angel Grove into utter confusion. Incidentelly, the band now has six members, and both Cassie and Crash are seen playing guitar, so I guess the band has something like three or four guitar players. Carlos, Justin and Ashley praise Cassie for the band's inhumanly hypnotic and persistent song. Carlos and Justin sing a few bars of it, and my brain immediately shuts down as a defense mechanism. The two walk outside and notice that Crash and the Creeps use Piranhatrons as roadies. In fairness, it's probably a job they're suited for. They fight starts, but Carlos starts singing the confusion song instead, the Pirhantrons helpfully accompany him on acoustic guitar. The Piranhatrons eventually just decide to leave. Carlos and Justin are concerned that the song is slowly taking control of their brains.
In school, T.J. is also singing the confusion song. The other Rangers meet up and are concerned that the song about driving people to confusion through song is acting as advertised. Alpha 6 calls the Rangers to deal with a monster attack. Five suspiciously color-coded monsters show up. Up in space, Divatox orders her monsters to press the attack while singing that damned confusion song. The monsters retreat instead. She sends Rygog to get them back into the fight. Porto gives them a new weapon to deal with the Rangers. That bucks the monsters up, and they head back out.
Back at school, Cassie is concerned that the confusion song is destroying everyone's brains. She confronts Crash, but he is unwilling to deviate from his plan of playing his confusion song until everyone is completely debilitated. Crash announces their next gig at Angel Grove Lake, where they will broadcast the song and nothing will stop them....from rocking the world.
Up in space, it turns out that Crash and the Creeps are, and have always been, working for Divatox to help her conquer the world. Down at the Lake, Elgar and some Piranhatrons are helping Crash set up for the concert in broad daylight. That seems...a tad incautious. The Rangers immediately show up to prove me right. Cassie warns Crash about the monsters that are helping him set up his equipment. Oh, Cassie, come now. Crash reveals himself to also be a monster. T.J: "Your band...is really Divatox's band?" Oh, T.J. While the Rangers fight some Piranhatrons, Crash and the Creeps play the confusion song again. The Rangers are helpless in the face of rock!
T.J. ends the pain by blowing up Crash's guitar with his blaster. The Rangers destroy the other bandmate's instruments, and the song stops. The moral of today's episode is that musical censorship is the only way to save our children from evil rock and rollers who wish to destroy them with their evil music. Crash and the Creeps decline to fight and instead run away. T.J. calls out "After them!" to his team.
The Rangers hunt them down, as they cannot countenance the monsters to live. The monsters get the better of the Rangers, and use the weapon Porto gave them to knock the Rangers to the ground. The Rangers get back up. The monsters had not planned for that contingency, and panic. The Rangers call for the Turbo RAM Cannon. The monsters go down. Torps go down, monsters get big, well, only Crash, actually.
The Rangers call out the Turbo Megazord for old times' sake. Crash doesn't get a fight scene, as it goes directly from the megazord formation sequence to the final attack. Back at school, the Rangers can't even remember the confusion song. They are the lucky ones. Elsewhere, having helped murder the rest of her band, Cassie reconciles with other girl. Based on this scene alone, I am willing to bet I can find a slash fic featuring Cassie and other girl. And, to be clear, I mean that as an indictment of fanfic writers everywhere. Bulk and Skull show up with a tuba and a sousaphone to reaudition. Their playing creates havoc, and Lt. Stone throws them out. Show Over!
Next Time: Another God-damned Soccer Episode.
Original Airdate: 11-07-1997
Last Time: The Passion of the Erutan.
Cassie is playing with some other girl. It's kind of like the Indigo Girls....except somehow worse. This episode is going to hurt, and since you readers can't hear the episode, I hate you most of all for not sharing my pain. Everyone at the juice bar seems to like it. Everyone at the juice bar is wrong! Cassie and the other girl decide to start a band. Lt. Stone volunteers the use of his juice bar for auditions. Fuck you, Lt. Stone! This inspires Divatox to write her own rock song. Credits!
Cassie and other girl start their auditions. First up, an inhumanly awkward girl with an accordion! Then, a Scotsman with bagpipes! A beatnik with bongos! Some dude with a kazoo! An old guy with a banjo! A liberal arts major with some African drums! A nerd with a keyboard! Two guys with cymbals! Holy fuck, I just figured out where the idea for American Idol came from! Bulk and Skull show up. They need a new job, again. Bulk and Skull rock out unsuccessfully. This scene may never end! Five guys who are suspiciously color-coded to match the Power Ranger walk in and audition. They kind of sound like some sort of derivative Grunge-esque type of thing. The band sings an ominous song about using a song to plunge the world into total confusion and chaos. Cassie and other girl think that the band will be a great fit with them, but don't really need five extra musicians. The leader, Crash, refuses to split up the band. Other girl volunteers to step out of the band, and a new band is formed, it will be called Cassie with Crash and the Creeps.
Later, at the school, T.J. asks Cassie when the band is going to play. The answer: at the juice bar: and then, one scene transition later, we are there! They play the confusion song again. Everyone is happy, except for other girl, who walks away dejectedly. Crash apparently doesn't want to play other girls music, because he needs to focus on his message of plunging Angel Grove into utter confusion. Incidentelly, the band now has six members, and both Cassie and Crash are seen playing guitar, so I guess the band has something like three or four guitar players. Carlos, Justin and Ashley praise Cassie for the band's inhumanly hypnotic and persistent song. Carlos and Justin sing a few bars of it, and my brain immediately shuts down as a defense mechanism. The two walk outside and notice that Crash and the Creeps use Piranhatrons as roadies. In fairness, it's probably a job they're suited for. They fight starts, but Carlos starts singing the confusion song instead, the Pirhantrons helpfully accompany him on acoustic guitar. The Piranhatrons eventually just decide to leave. Carlos and Justin are concerned that the song is slowly taking control of their brains.
In school, T.J. is also singing the confusion song. The other Rangers meet up and are concerned that the song about driving people to confusion through song is acting as advertised. Alpha 6 calls the Rangers to deal with a monster attack. Five suspiciously color-coded monsters show up. Up in space, Divatox orders her monsters to press the attack while singing that damned confusion song. The monsters retreat instead. She sends Rygog to get them back into the fight. Porto gives them a new weapon to deal with the Rangers. That bucks the monsters up, and they head back out.
Back at school, Cassie is concerned that the confusion song is destroying everyone's brains. She confronts Crash, but he is unwilling to deviate from his plan of playing his confusion song until everyone is completely debilitated. Crash announces their next gig at Angel Grove Lake, where they will broadcast the song and nothing will stop them....from rocking the world.
Up in space, it turns out that Crash and the Creeps are, and have always been, working for Divatox to help her conquer the world. Down at the Lake, Elgar and some Piranhatrons are helping Crash set up for the concert in broad daylight. That seems...a tad incautious. The Rangers immediately show up to prove me right. Cassie warns Crash about the monsters that are helping him set up his equipment. Oh, Cassie, come now. Crash reveals himself to also be a monster. T.J: "Your band...is really Divatox's band?" Oh, T.J. While the Rangers fight some Piranhatrons, Crash and the Creeps play the confusion song again. The Rangers are helpless in the face of rock!
T.J. ends the pain by blowing up Crash's guitar with his blaster. The Rangers destroy the other bandmate's instruments, and the song stops. The moral of today's episode is that musical censorship is the only way to save our children from evil rock and rollers who wish to destroy them with their evil music. Crash and the Creeps decline to fight and instead run away. T.J. calls out "After them!" to his team.
The Rangers hunt them down, as they cannot countenance the monsters to live. The monsters get the better of the Rangers, and use the weapon Porto gave them to knock the Rangers to the ground. The Rangers get back up. The monsters had not planned for that contingency, and panic. The Rangers call for the Turbo RAM Cannon. The monsters go down. Torps go down, monsters get big, well, only Crash, actually.
The Rangers call out the Turbo Megazord for old times' sake. Crash doesn't get a fight scene, as it goes directly from the megazord formation sequence to the final attack. Back at school, the Rangers can't even remember the confusion song. They are the lucky ones. Elsewhere, having helped murder the rest of her band, Cassie reconciles with other girl. Based on this scene alone, I am willing to bet I can find a slash fic featuring Cassie and other girl. And, to be clear, I mean that as an indictment of fanfic writers everywhere. Bulk and Skull show up with a tuba and a sousaphone to reaudition. Their playing creates havoc, and Lt. Stone throws them out. Show Over!
Next Time: Another God-damned Soccer Episode.
Spirit of the Woods
Power Rangers Turbo, Episode 35
Original Airdate: 11-03-1997
Last Time: We all learned that the most important part of car repair is believing in yourself. So, when looking for a mechanic, confidence is by far the most important attribute.
In the forest, a Jeep Wrangler drives through, crushing leaves. The teenagers in the car also play bad music. One of them even litters. Wait, show, come on now, you can't do an environmentally conscious show in a car-themed season, it's just fucking....okay, fine, let's just get this over with. A kid comes out of nowhere and stares sternly at the teenagers. The kid starts up a wind storm that blows leaves onto the windshield of the car, spelling out, "Go Away." Really? The teenagers, confronted with this angry God of the Trees, decide to drive away. The kid vanishes, as anthropomorphic representations of nature are wont to do. Credits! (Listen, I can turbo-charge for more, or I can save the environment, but I don't think I can do both.)
At the juice bar, Lt. Stone is making a protein shake for T.J., who has apparently gotten up at dawn to do some running, and gotten Lt. Stone to open the juice bar extra early so as to make him protein shakes. On the mean streets of Angel Grove, Bulk and Skull are now paperboys. Incidentally, it's very, very bright out for dawn. T.J. thinks that he's the "only one crazy enough to be up at this hour." Apparently the people are Angel Grove don't get up until 11 a.m.
Up in space, Divatox plans to attack T.J. while he's alone. She inspects the new monster, Lord Litter, and isn't super-confident in her latest monster. But well, she doesn't have much choice. T.J. is now running through the forest seen in the cold open. He picks up some litter. Forest-God looks on approvingly. T.J. notices the Forest-God and introduces himself. It turns out that the Forest-God's name is Erutan. Wait a minute, that's an anagram for "an true." But what does it mean? T.J. does not seem puzzled by this odd choice and name and the fact that the child appeared out of nowhere. They do that thing where T.J. looks away for a second and then Erutan is gone. Alpha 6 rings T.J. to inform him of an oncoming monster. T.J. restarts his jog, but finds himself pursued by a piece of trash. It turns out to be Lord Litter. The monster starts attacking T.J.. Unfortunately, Lord Litter's attack consists of blowing old newspaper at him. Erutan shows up and is not pleased.
T.J. morphs and starts with the hand-to-hand fighting. It does not go well for the Red Ranger, and he gets encased in a ball of trash. Erutan decides to finish the fight by blowing Lord Litter away with his wind powers. T.J. looks for Erutan, but he's already disappeared into second-rate folk songs. The other Rangers show up and ask what happened. T.J. mentions Erutan and Justin is immediately suspicious of any other kid with powers stealing his thunder. Up in space, Divatox demands that her goons bring her the "nature boy," so that she can control the elements.
Back in school, T.J. is puzzling over the name "Erutan." He very, very, very slowly notices that something is odd about the spelling of that name, so he decides to write on his paper in reverse. Then, he ponders the reverse of "Erutan," which is "Nature." T.J. ponders the meaning of a kid whose name is nature backwards, lives in the woods, and has magical power over the elements. Erutan shows up to glare ominously at T.J. from outside a window. T.J. rushes out to meet him. He chases down Erutan to the riverbed. T.J. and the kid have a bad-acting off of truly epic proportions. T.J. thanks Erutan for saving him, and Erutan thanks T.J. on behalf of the woods. Erutan teleports to the river, and walks on water. Erutan will be T.J.'s new God! T.J. asks what Erutan is, the Nature-God is evasive. Elgar and Lord Litter show up. Apparently they plan to trap Erutan in a net. I don't know if that's quite enough firepower to bring down a personification of nature. Erutan isn't there anymore, though, so the monsters split.
At the Power Chamber, T.J. is explaining the miracles of Erutan. Dimitria orders T.J. to save the nature-God. Alpha 6's scanners cannot locate Erutan, for the works of man cannot hope to comprehend the works of nature. Anyway, it's night, so they decide to wait until morning.
The next morning, Bulk and Skull are delivering more papers. They're damn good at it, hitting every mailbox and even managing to float a paper into a guy's open palm, presumably turned to the sports section. T.J. runs into the woods to find Erutan. He calls for Erutan, and Erutan appears. T.J. tries to warn Erutan, but Erutan was old when the world was young and already knows more than T.J. could learn in a thousand lifetimes. T.J. suggest he leaves. Erutan can more run from the woods that T.J. can run from himself, and so declines. Elgar shows up and springs a trap, Erutan is captured. But, perhaps, it is Erutan that has captured Elgar. T.J. morphs to save the nature messiah. The other Rangers also show up. A Piranhatron fight occurs.
Cassie shoots Erutan's net down, and T.J. manages to catch him. None of the other Rangers' can see Erutan. T.J. may have had a schizophrenic break. Lord Litter attacks by trapping the Rangers in garbage cans. Not to put too fine a point on it, but, by definition, litter is trash not in a trash can, so....
Anyway, the Rangers are trapped, but Erutan saves them by summoning a thunderstorm that blasts Lord Litter. Elgar wants no part of that, so he flees. The moral of today's episode is that if you fuck up nature, nature will fuck you up. T.J. summons the Turbine Laser, and Lord Litter is counted out. Torpedoes are launched, as is often the case. Erutan is pretty drained by his lightning powers, so T.J. tells the other Rangers to go on without him while he tends to the son of Nature made flesh. The other Rangers still can't see Erutan. Now, let's walk this back a minute. Okay, the other Rangers can't see him, but the villains could, and the Rangers were able to see the net and the trap set for Erutan, so this "only T.J. can see Erutan" plot doesn't make a lot of sense.
The Rescue Zords are launched. The four zords call for Artillery Power despite not being in Megazord mode. Lord Litter did not anticipate that, and is gone as quickly as he came. T.J. is trying to figure out how to save the Nature-God who died for his sins. Erutan's mortal body fades, but his godhead shall remain so long as people protect the woods. T.J. is mournful that his God-friend is dead, and this time it isn't even Nietschzke's fault.
Back on the streets, Bulk and Skull get fired for not having collected any money from their customers. Bulk and Skull did not realize that newspapers cost money, for they are 21st century men stuck in a 20th century world. T.J. jogs into the woods, presumably to scout out locations for the First Church of Erutan. T.J. thinks he sees Erutan, but it turns out to be a deer. T.J. basks in the beauty of nature and awaits the second coming of Erutan when he will purge the world of non-believers. Justin will be first. Show Over!
Next Time: Cassie has a band! It's way worse than you think.
Original Airdate: 11-03-1997
Last Time: We all learned that the most important part of car repair is believing in yourself. So, when looking for a mechanic, confidence is by far the most important attribute.
In the forest, a Jeep Wrangler drives through, crushing leaves. The teenagers in the car also play bad music. One of them even litters. Wait, show, come on now, you can't do an environmentally conscious show in a car-themed season, it's just fucking....okay, fine, let's just get this over with. A kid comes out of nowhere and stares sternly at the teenagers. The kid starts up a wind storm that blows leaves onto the windshield of the car, spelling out, "Go Away." Really? The teenagers, confronted with this angry God of the Trees, decide to drive away. The kid vanishes, as anthropomorphic representations of nature are wont to do. Credits! (Listen, I can turbo-charge for more, or I can save the environment, but I don't think I can do both.)
At the juice bar, Lt. Stone is making a protein shake for T.J., who has apparently gotten up at dawn to do some running, and gotten Lt. Stone to open the juice bar extra early so as to make him protein shakes. On the mean streets of Angel Grove, Bulk and Skull are now paperboys. Incidentally, it's very, very bright out for dawn. T.J. thinks that he's the "only one crazy enough to be up at this hour." Apparently the people are Angel Grove don't get up until 11 a.m.
Up in space, Divatox plans to attack T.J. while he's alone. She inspects the new monster, Lord Litter, and isn't super-confident in her latest monster. But well, she doesn't have much choice. T.J. is now running through the forest seen in the cold open. He picks up some litter. Forest-God looks on approvingly. T.J. notices the Forest-God and introduces himself. It turns out that the Forest-God's name is Erutan. Wait a minute, that's an anagram for "an true." But what does it mean? T.J. does not seem puzzled by this odd choice and name and the fact that the child appeared out of nowhere. They do that thing where T.J. looks away for a second and then Erutan is gone. Alpha 6 rings T.J. to inform him of an oncoming monster. T.J. restarts his jog, but finds himself pursued by a piece of trash. It turns out to be Lord Litter. The monster starts attacking T.J.. Unfortunately, Lord Litter's attack consists of blowing old newspaper at him. Erutan shows up and is not pleased.
T.J. morphs and starts with the hand-to-hand fighting. It does not go well for the Red Ranger, and he gets encased in a ball of trash. Erutan decides to finish the fight by blowing Lord Litter away with his wind powers. T.J. looks for Erutan, but he's already disappeared into second-rate folk songs. The other Rangers show up and ask what happened. T.J. mentions Erutan and Justin is immediately suspicious of any other kid with powers stealing his thunder. Up in space, Divatox demands that her goons bring her the "nature boy," so that she can control the elements.
Back in school, T.J. is puzzling over the name "Erutan." He very, very, very slowly notices that something is odd about the spelling of that name, so he decides to write on his paper in reverse. Then, he ponders the reverse of "Erutan," which is "Nature." T.J. ponders the meaning of a kid whose name is nature backwards, lives in the woods, and has magical power over the elements. Erutan shows up to glare ominously at T.J. from outside a window. T.J. rushes out to meet him. He chases down Erutan to the riverbed. T.J. and the kid have a bad-acting off of truly epic proportions. T.J. thanks Erutan for saving him, and Erutan thanks T.J. on behalf of the woods. Erutan teleports to the river, and walks on water. Erutan will be T.J.'s new God! T.J. asks what Erutan is, the Nature-God is evasive. Elgar and Lord Litter show up. Apparently they plan to trap Erutan in a net. I don't know if that's quite enough firepower to bring down a personification of nature. Erutan isn't there anymore, though, so the monsters split.
At the Power Chamber, T.J. is explaining the miracles of Erutan. Dimitria orders T.J. to save the nature-God. Alpha 6's scanners cannot locate Erutan, for the works of man cannot hope to comprehend the works of nature. Anyway, it's night, so they decide to wait until morning.
The next morning, Bulk and Skull are delivering more papers. They're damn good at it, hitting every mailbox and even managing to float a paper into a guy's open palm, presumably turned to the sports section. T.J. runs into the woods to find Erutan. He calls for Erutan, and Erutan appears. T.J. tries to warn Erutan, but Erutan was old when the world was young and already knows more than T.J. could learn in a thousand lifetimes. T.J. suggest he leaves. Erutan can more run from the woods that T.J. can run from himself, and so declines. Elgar shows up and springs a trap, Erutan is captured. But, perhaps, it is Erutan that has captured Elgar. T.J. morphs to save the nature messiah. The other Rangers also show up. A Piranhatron fight occurs.
Cassie shoots Erutan's net down, and T.J. manages to catch him. None of the other Rangers' can see Erutan. T.J. may have had a schizophrenic break. Lord Litter attacks by trapping the Rangers in garbage cans. Not to put too fine a point on it, but, by definition, litter is trash not in a trash can, so....
Anyway, the Rangers are trapped, but Erutan saves them by summoning a thunderstorm that blasts Lord Litter. Elgar wants no part of that, so he flees. The moral of today's episode is that if you fuck up nature, nature will fuck you up. T.J. summons the Turbine Laser, and Lord Litter is counted out. Torpedoes are launched, as is often the case. Erutan is pretty drained by his lightning powers, so T.J. tells the other Rangers to go on without him while he tends to the son of Nature made flesh. The other Rangers still can't see Erutan. Now, let's walk this back a minute. Okay, the other Rangers can't see him, but the villains could, and the Rangers were able to see the net and the trap set for Erutan, so this "only T.J. can see Erutan" plot doesn't make a lot of sense.
The Rescue Zords are launched. The four zords call for Artillery Power despite not being in Megazord mode. Lord Litter did not anticipate that, and is gone as quickly as he came. T.J. is trying to figure out how to save the Nature-God who died for his sins. Erutan's mortal body fades, but his godhead shall remain so long as people protect the woods. T.J. is mournful that his God-friend is dead, and this time it isn't even Nietschzke's fault.
Back on the streets, Bulk and Skull get fired for not having collected any money from their customers. Bulk and Skull did not realize that newspapers cost money, for they are 21st century men stuck in a 20th century world. T.J. jogs into the woods, presumably to scout out locations for the First Church of Erutan. T.J. thinks he sees Erutan, but it turns out to be a deer. T.J. basks in the beauty of nature and awaits the second coming of Erutan when he will purge the world of non-believers. Justin will be first. Show Over!
Next Time: Cassie has a band! It's way worse than you think.
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