Power Rangers: Lightspeed Rescue, Episode 33
Original Airdate: 11-10-2000
Last Time: Olympius tried to kill the Rangers, and Diabolico managed to trap him in hell. Ryan found an ancient sorceror, and Diabolico turned him into dust. It was good day for the big D.
Olympius is still in hell, and finds the gatekeeper, who informs him that they're both trapped there forever. Jinxer sends a message that Olympius can escape if he kills all of the monsters there and takes their power. Credits!
Dana has taken Captain Mitchell to the amusement park for some relaxation. They quickly find a circus hypnotist named Mister Mesmer, who looks strikingly like Jinxer in disguise. It is, in fact, Jinxer in disguise. He pretends to fail to hypnotize Captain Mitchell while slipping him some sort of star medallion.
Later, Olympius murders some undead monsters to steal their souls, and thus their power. He eventually gets enough and escapes back to Mariner Bay. Jinxer reveals that he's got a plan to give Olympius even more power. This involves using Captain Mitchell to redirect all of the aquabase's power towards the star medallion, and thus, to Olympius.
As Captain Mitchell keeps repeating "I must obey," Dana's able to figure out that someone is tampering with his mind. Good call. The Rangers locate Olympius in the a cemetery and commence to fighting. It does not go well for the Rangers. Back on the aquabase, Ms. Fairweather is trying to get through to Captain Mitchell and restore power to the aquabase.
Olympius grows to giant-size to speed this along. The Rangers start running through their megazords in an attempt to stop him. Max Solarzord: Failure! Lightspeed Megazord: Double Failure! Supertrain: Superfailure! Carter decides to stretch the episode even further by using the Omega Crawler as the other Rangers form the Lightspeed Solarzord.
In the aquabase, Ms. Fairweather and some redshirt finally reach Captain Mitchell, who promptly kicks all of their asses. Ms. Fairweather then grabs an axe that is hanging the engine room for Luddite emergencies, and stops the flow of energy to Olympius. This prove unfortunate as the Rangers take the opportunity to send Olympius back to hell....as a dead monster. Captain Mitchell goes back to normal, and that'll about do it.
Later, Jinxer finds Olympius barely alive in some wreckage. Great. The Rangers then decide to head to the beach, but Captain Mitchell wants them to train instead, so Joel tries to hypnotize him. Captain Mitchell doesn't go for that bullshit and punishes Joel to double-punishment. Show Over!
Next Time: The Rangers meet Neptune....the god. Oh, it's a Chad episode, all right.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Sorceror of the Sands
Power Rangers: Lightspeed Rescue, Episode 32
Original Airdate: 11-9-2000
Last Time: The Rangers lost their memories, and so I had to endure a clip show. Jerks.
Kelsey and Joel are racing through an obstacle course. Now, usually, I'd claim that show was by rather patronizing if they showed the girl beating the guy, assuming both are reasonably fit, but, fuck, have you guys seen Kelsey? She should win against Joel in a laugher. Incidentally, should any of you search the internet for pictures of Kelsey, you're likely to find out that, yes, she has appeared nude on screen. Anyway, Kelsey does triumph, but Dana wasn't keeping track of the time because she was thinking about Ryan. Who? Oh, right, her brother with the shitty costume.
Anyway, the poor sod in question is still wandering the desert when he collapses and is found by a mysterious figure with a raven...or a crow. I'm not an ornithologist, so I couldn't say. At the ziggurat o' time-killing, Bansheera threatens to fire Olympius and replace him with Diabolico. Olympius asks Jinxer to the key to some sort of hellish underworld, and Diabolico watches, but does nothing. Credits!
Ryan wakes up in the tent of the mysterious figure that saved him. Ryan has apparently been looking for some sort of Sorceror, and shows off some ancient writings to the mysterious figure, but won't let him look too closely, as he's not the sorceror Ryan's looking for. So the mysterious figure drugs Ryan and takes the writings and shows them to his crow.
Elsewhere, Olympius enters the gates of hell. Diabolico continues to watch and do nothing. Action! Some gatekeeper explains to Olympius that he's now in the place where monsters go when they die. Olympius decides to lure the Rangers there. This involves the gatekeeper coming out into Mariner Bay and blowing up a building to get the Rangers attention, and includes a great exchange between the monster and Carter:
Carter: Just what do you think you're doing?
Monster: You're about to find out!
Carter: Not if we can help it!
Well played, Carter, well played. They still get sent to hell, though. Olympius shows up and locks the gates of hell, trapping the Rangers there. Olympius then gets the gatekeeper to summon the spirits of all of the monsters that the Rangers killed. They blow them all up, but....well, they're already in hell, so the monsters just come back.
Back in the mildly Middle Eastern desert, Ryan wakes up and finally meets the sorceror he was looking for. It was the bird all along, but he transforms into his human form, which is wearing a truly awful outift. I guess they were trying to go for "generic Arabian wizard" but they ended up with some sort of mustard-and-purple colored monstrousity. He explains that Ryan needs to find the key that Olympius was using on the gates of hell in order to defeat Bansheera or something.
Back in hell, the Rangers destroy the gatekeeper's staff, an act that causes the undead monsters to start attacking the gatekeeper and Olympius. Elsewhere, Diabolico has a good chuckle at the situation, and then steals the key to hell, trapping Olympius there as well. The Rangers decide to run away to a nearby cave. Ryan and the sorceror use augury to find out that there in trouble and sends a magical light to guide the Rangers to safety. They find a portal, but some other monsters also escape. The Rangers use the ol' Supertrain and the Lightspeed Solarzord to kill them all.
Meanwhile, Olympius is still getting beaten up in hell, and Bansheera is surprisingly accepting of Diabolico exiling her son to hell. The other demons are somewhat concerned that Bansheera was actually willing to let Diabolico get away with his damning of Olympius, as it does not bode well for them.
Oh, and the Sorceror decides to cast some spell to send all of the demons to hell, so Diabolico casts a counter-spell to turn the old man into dust. Show Over!
Next Time: The endless Diabolico-Olympius rivalry continues and, much like the Yankees-Red Sox rivalry, at this point I hope for mutual destruction.
Original Airdate: 11-9-2000
Last Time: The Rangers lost their memories, and so I had to endure a clip show. Jerks.
Kelsey and Joel are racing through an obstacle course. Now, usually, I'd claim that show was by rather patronizing if they showed the girl beating the guy, assuming both are reasonably fit, but, fuck, have you guys seen Kelsey? She should win against Joel in a laugher. Incidentally, should any of you search the internet for pictures of Kelsey, you're likely to find out that, yes, she has appeared nude on screen. Anyway, Kelsey does triumph, but Dana wasn't keeping track of the time because she was thinking about Ryan. Who? Oh, right, her brother with the shitty costume.
Anyway, the poor sod in question is still wandering the desert when he collapses and is found by a mysterious figure with a raven...or a crow. I'm not an ornithologist, so I couldn't say. At the ziggurat o' time-killing, Bansheera threatens to fire Olympius and replace him with Diabolico. Olympius asks Jinxer to the key to some sort of hellish underworld, and Diabolico watches, but does nothing. Credits!
Ryan wakes up in the tent of the mysterious figure that saved him. Ryan has apparently been looking for some sort of Sorceror, and shows off some ancient writings to the mysterious figure, but won't let him look too closely, as he's not the sorceror Ryan's looking for. So the mysterious figure drugs Ryan and takes the writings and shows them to his crow.
Elsewhere, Olympius enters the gates of hell. Diabolico continues to watch and do nothing. Action! Some gatekeeper explains to Olympius that he's now in the place where monsters go when they die. Olympius decides to lure the Rangers there. This involves the gatekeeper coming out into Mariner Bay and blowing up a building to get the Rangers attention, and includes a great exchange between the monster and Carter:
Carter: Just what do you think you're doing?
Monster: You're about to find out!
Carter: Not if we can help it!
Well played, Carter, well played. They still get sent to hell, though. Olympius shows up and locks the gates of hell, trapping the Rangers there. Olympius then gets the gatekeeper to summon the spirits of all of the monsters that the Rangers killed. They blow them all up, but....well, they're already in hell, so the monsters just come back.
Back in the mildly Middle Eastern desert, Ryan wakes up and finally meets the sorceror he was looking for. It was the bird all along, but he transforms into his human form, which is wearing a truly awful outift. I guess they were trying to go for "generic Arabian wizard" but they ended up with some sort of mustard-and-purple colored monstrousity. He explains that Ryan needs to find the key that Olympius was using on the gates of hell in order to defeat Bansheera or something.
Back in hell, the Rangers destroy the gatekeeper's staff, an act that causes the undead monsters to start attacking the gatekeeper and Olympius. Elsewhere, Diabolico has a good chuckle at the situation, and then steals the key to hell, trapping Olympius there as well. The Rangers decide to run away to a nearby cave. Ryan and the sorceror use augury to find out that there in trouble and sends a magical light to guide the Rangers to safety. They find a portal, but some other monsters also escape. The Rangers use the ol' Supertrain and the Lightspeed Solarzord to kill them all.
Meanwhile, Olympius is still getting beaten up in hell, and Bansheera is surprisingly accepting of Diabolico exiling her son to hell. The other demons are somewhat concerned that Bansheera was actually willing to let Diabolico get away with his damning of Olympius, as it does not bode well for them.
Oh, and the Sorceror decides to cast some spell to send all of the demons to hell, so Diabolico casts a counter-spell to turn the old man into dust. Show Over!
Next Time: The endless Diabolico-Olympius rivalry continues and, much like the Yankees-Red Sox rivalry, at this point I hope for mutual destruction.
The Last Ranger
Power Rangers: Lightspeed Rescue, Episode 31
Original Airdate: 11-8-2000
Last Time: Saban showed his distaste for the Lost Galaxy season in a truly extravagant and self-destructive manner, wherein he gave a little girl more screen time than all of the Galaxy Rangers combined. It was pretty impressive.
The Rangers are speeding to fight a monster when Dana gets out to help treat some injured person. I guess Dana is the only paramedic in Mariner Bay. The remaining Rangers find the monster who beats them up and then erases their memories, because that's just how he rolls. Dana finds the team, and none of them remember Dana or being Power Rangers. Credits!
At the aquabase, the Rangers all demand to be released so they can go back to the jobs they held before becoming Power Rangers. They probably also want to know why Ms. Fairweather is treating them instead an actual doctor. Captain Mitchell is displeased, and show his irritation by ordering the Rangers restrained and hooked up to a machine that will restore their memories by playing recordings of their past adventures. Fuck, it's a clip show!
The first clip is from the pilot, when the Rangers were kidnapped by Captain Mitchell's relentless band of men in black to serve as his personal monster hit squad.
At the ziggurat o' new content, Diabolico and Olympius are still trying to sort out who's actually in charge. Diabolico claims that if he erases Dana's memory, then Mariner Bay will be defenseless. Well, no, it wouldn't, because as this clip show just reminded us, the Rangers with no experience were perfectly capable of beating back Diabolico and his monsters.
Okay, more clips. Apparently Captain Mitchell runs the aquabase much like a communist dictatorship, and monitors all that goes on in his underwater domain, and thus they're able to show a clip of Joel hitting on Ms. Fairweather. Or maybe this was just footage that Ms. Fairweather had been saving for the inevitable civil suit. Kelsey also gets his some clips of her played. They all involve her rollerblading or crying. Chad's clips conveniently exclude that his spotlight episodes always end up being utterly bizarre, like him falling in love with a mermaid, or his old sensei training an evil monster out of spite. Finally, Carter's highlights are shown and they're bland and forgettable, summing up the character perfectly.
Elsewhere, Diabolico sends out the monster from before to destroy Mariner Bay. However, Captain Mitchell can't turn off the machines before they finish because their shitty design. Thus, Dana must go alone, against the captain's orders. And then five seconds later the other Rangers regain their memories, except for Carter's whose memory machine explodes, and he doesn't remember anything. Well, that's still a 75% success rate.
Everyone except Carter goes out to fight the monsters and manages to get locked into a stalemate. Eventually Carter gets his memory back and goes to help. The Rangers fight the monster and some Batlings but eventually just slag the villain with the Thermo Blasters. Zord of the day: Lightspeed Solarzord. Time of megazord fight: 43 seconds.
Later, the Rangers reflect on the capricious nature of memory. Then Joel tries to use amnesia as an excuse to get out of training, but is undone by Ms. Fairweather cockteasery. Show Over!
Next Time: Remember Ryan? No? Me either, but the writers sure did!
Original Airdate: 11-8-2000
Last Time: Saban showed his distaste for the Lost Galaxy season in a truly extravagant and self-destructive manner, wherein he gave a little girl more screen time than all of the Galaxy Rangers combined. It was pretty impressive.
The Rangers are speeding to fight a monster when Dana gets out to help treat some injured person. I guess Dana is the only paramedic in Mariner Bay. The remaining Rangers find the monster who beats them up and then erases their memories, because that's just how he rolls. Dana finds the team, and none of them remember Dana or being Power Rangers. Credits!
At the aquabase, the Rangers all demand to be released so they can go back to the jobs they held before becoming Power Rangers. They probably also want to know why Ms. Fairweather is treating them instead an actual doctor. Captain Mitchell is displeased, and show his irritation by ordering the Rangers restrained and hooked up to a machine that will restore their memories by playing recordings of their past adventures. Fuck, it's a clip show!
The first clip is from the pilot, when the Rangers were kidnapped by Captain Mitchell's relentless band of men in black to serve as his personal monster hit squad.
At the ziggurat o' new content, Diabolico and Olympius are still trying to sort out who's actually in charge. Diabolico claims that if he erases Dana's memory, then Mariner Bay will be defenseless. Well, no, it wouldn't, because as this clip show just reminded us, the Rangers with no experience were perfectly capable of beating back Diabolico and his monsters.
Okay, more clips. Apparently Captain Mitchell runs the aquabase much like a communist dictatorship, and monitors all that goes on in his underwater domain, and thus they're able to show a clip of Joel hitting on Ms. Fairweather. Or maybe this was just footage that Ms. Fairweather had been saving for the inevitable civil suit. Kelsey also gets his some clips of her played. They all involve her rollerblading or crying. Chad's clips conveniently exclude that his spotlight episodes always end up being utterly bizarre, like him falling in love with a mermaid, or his old sensei training an evil monster out of spite. Finally, Carter's highlights are shown and they're bland and forgettable, summing up the character perfectly.
Elsewhere, Diabolico sends out the monster from before to destroy Mariner Bay. However, Captain Mitchell can't turn off the machines before they finish because their shitty design. Thus, Dana must go alone, against the captain's orders. And then five seconds later the other Rangers regain their memories, except for Carter's whose memory machine explodes, and he doesn't remember anything. Well, that's still a 75% success rate.
Everyone except Carter goes out to fight the monsters and manages to get locked into a stalemate. Eventually Carter gets his memory back and goes to help. The Rangers fight the monster and some Batlings but eventually just slag the villain with the Thermo Blasters. Zord of the day: Lightspeed Solarzord. Time of megazord fight: 43 seconds.
Later, the Rangers reflect on the capricious nature of memory. Then Joel tries to use amnesia as an excuse to get out of training, but is undone by Ms. Fairweather cockteasery. Show Over!
Next Time: Remember Ryan? No? Me either, but the writers sure did!
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Trakeena's Revenge, Part II
Power Rangers: Lightspeed Rescue, Episode 30
Original Airdate: 11-7-2000
Last Time: A little girl hung around with the Power Rangers and was made an honorary member of the team. Oh, and a few of the Galaxy Rangers showed up briefly.
In the ziggurat o' heels, Olympius uses a bat he had planted in Trakeena's lab to prove that Trakeena had no intention of working with the demons. Olympius decides to get some vengeance on Trakeena with some poison. Meanwhile, on Mirinoi, Kendrix and Damon decide that they ought to head to Earth as well.
Back in Mariner Bay, Carter asks himself what Zordon would do in this situation. He remembers the 45th precept of the late giant head, "And lo, the fanbase did grow too haughty in their demands for continuity, and so did I lay them low with the creature known only as Justin, a moppet of questionable acting skills that did drive to madness those who would complain. And I say unto you, my son, that if thou should find thyself in a plot of impossible construction, then thou too must produce a being of such odious presence that it will befuddle the senses and disrupt reason of all who look upon that child." Therefore, Carter is honorbound to send the little girl into the evil office building to pull a fire alarm. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. How does that make any sense. I mean, first of all, if nothing else, Carter could pull the alarm instead of sending in the girl, and, either way, this seems like a rather stupid-Fine, let's just go with it.
The little girl walks up to the fire alarm and pulls it after looking out the glass door and seeing Carter give her a thumbs-up. This evacuates the building and allows the Rangers a chance to infiltrate the structure disguised as firefighters. Carter and Leo head off to fight the monster again. Carter kills the monster by punching it really hard in the gut. They then break into the lab and find the shrunken people, and then fight some more cloaked guys. Wait a minute guys, are you sure you don't want to cut to the little girl? Anyway, Kendrix and Damon show up to finally do something. Trakeena emerges from the back of the lab and fights off the Rangers, knocking them out of the skyscraper they were in. But Chad, spoilsport that he is, uses an inflatable cushion to save the four Rangers.
Olympius shows up to threaten the assembled Rangers and sends in some Batlings. Well, fuck, if the Batlings couldn't handle five Rangers, they sure as hell can't deal with ten. Trakeena uses this opportunity to start morphing into a more powerful form. Olympius, meanwhile, decides to just let the Rangers and Trakeena blow each other up, and leaves, but not before poisoning Trakeena.
The poison turns Trakeena into some sort of new monster that is already giant-sized. The Lightspeed Rangers call out the Omega Megazord and the Max Solarzord. They get the crap kicked out of them. The Galaxy Rangers want to help, but the Galactabeasts are stuck on Mirinoi, so they can't. Then the Galactabeasts show up, because, well, if everyone else can make it to Earth without explanation, why not them? They bring out the Galaxy Megazord, and each megazord uses its ultimate attack on Trakeena. That doesn't work and the Galaxy Megazord gets blown apart and the Galaxy Rangers ejected. Carter grabs the prone Rangers with the Omega Megazord and this somehow gives that megazord the whole Lights of Orion power. That proves to be enough and Trakeena gets killed for good.
Later, the Rangers take the little girl back to her parents, because I know everyone needed closure on that subplot. Joel decides to focus on the task at hand and tries to hit on Kendrix and Maya. He fails. Kai gets his one line of the crossover and then the Galaxy Rangers decide to head home. Show Over!
Next Time: The little girl has to deal with a bully at school and only the Lightspeed Rangers can help. Features a ten-second cameo by Adam.
Original Airdate: 11-7-2000
Last Time: A little girl hung around with the Power Rangers and was made an honorary member of the team. Oh, and a few of the Galaxy Rangers showed up briefly.
In the ziggurat o' heels, Olympius uses a bat he had planted in Trakeena's lab to prove that Trakeena had no intention of working with the demons. Olympius decides to get some vengeance on Trakeena with some poison. Meanwhile, on Mirinoi, Kendrix and Damon decide that they ought to head to Earth as well.
Back in Mariner Bay, Carter asks himself what Zordon would do in this situation. He remembers the 45th precept of the late giant head, "And lo, the fanbase did grow too haughty in their demands for continuity, and so did I lay them low with the creature known only as Justin, a moppet of questionable acting skills that did drive to madness those who would complain. And I say unto you, my son, that if thou should find thyself in a plot of impossible construction, then thou too must produce a being of such odious presence that it will befuddle the senses and disrupt reason of all who look upon that child." Therefore, Carter is honorbound to send the little girl into the evil office building to pull a fire alarm. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. How does that make any sense. I mean, first of all, if nothing else, Carter could pull the alarm instead of sending in the girl, and, either way, this seems like a rather stupid-Fine, let's just go with it.
The little girl walks up to the fire alarm and pulls it after looking out the glass door and seeing Carter give her a thumbs-up. This evacuates the building and allows the Rangers a chance to infiltrate the structure disguised as firefighters. Carter and Leo head off to fight the monster again. Carter kills the monster by punching it really hard in the gut. They then break into the lab and find the shrunken people, and then fight some more cloaked guys. Wait a minute guys, are you sure you don't want to cut to the little girl? Anyway, Kendrix and Damon show up to finally do something. Trakeena emerges from the back of the lab and fights off the Rangers, knocking them out of the skyscraper they were in. But Chad, spoilsport that he is, uses an inflatable cushion to save the four Rangers.
Olympius shows up to threaten the assembled Rangers and sends in some Batlings. Well, fuck, if the Batlings couldn't handle five Rangers, they sure as hell can't deal with ten. Trakeena uses this opportunity to start morphing into a more powerful form. Olympius, meanwhile, decides to just let the Rangers and Trakeena blow each other up, and leaves, but not before poisoning Trakeena.
The poison turns Trakeena into some sort of new monster that is already giant-sized. The Lightspeed Rangers call out the Omega Megazord and the Max Solarzord. They get the crap kicked out of them. The Galaxy Rangers want to help, but the Galactabeasts are stuck on Mirinoi, so they can't. Then the Galactabeasts show up, because, well, if everyone else can make it to Earth without explanation, why not them? They bring out the Galaxy Megazord, and each megazord uses its ultimate attack on Trakeena. That doesn't work and the Galaxy Megazord gets blown apart and the Galaxy Rangers ejected. Carter grabs the prone Rangers with the Omega Megazord and this somehow gives that megazord the whole Lights of Orion power. That proves to be enough and Trakeena gets killed for good.
Later, the Rangers take the little girl back to her parents, because I know everyone needed closure on that subplot. Joel decides to focus on the task at hand and tries to hit on Kendrix and Maya. He fails. Kai gets his one line of the crossover and then the Galaxy Rangers decide to head home. Show Over!
Next Time: The little girl has to deal with a bully at school and only the Lightspeed Rangers can help. Features a ten-second cameo by Adam.
Trakeena's Revenge, Part I
Power Rangers: Lightspeed Rescue, Episode 29
Original Airdate: 11-6-2000
Last Time: Chad declared his undying love for a woman who was half-fish.
On Mirinoi, a place I never wanted to see again, Leo grabs his Quasar Saber and the nightmare begins again. He fights some cloaked dudes and it becomes clear that though they got the guy playing Leo for the first unit work, he was unavailable to do any ADR work. The cloaked guys eventually head towards Earth and notLeo screams at them. Credits!
At the park, a little girl is playing hide and seek with her mother. She sees the Rangers drive by in their Humvee. The Rangers help fight a fire, because, well, the Mariner Bay Fire Department can't be trusted in these matters. Joel drops some "water bombs" and some glossy 8x10s of himself.
Elsewhere, the little girl from before goes with her mother to her dad's office. Um...this is a crossover episode with last season's team of Rangers, so I must question whether or not this is an economical use of time. I mean, I wasn't a huge fan of Leo and the rest, but I'd rather follow them than watch the misadventures of a little girl. Anyway, it's a trap or something, and the little girl's mother gets captured by the guys in cloaks.
The mother gets taken down to an evil lab, where she finds her husband has been shrunk down to miniature size. Some monster does the same to the wife and instructs the cloaked guys to start draining her life force. An unfamiliar voice is pleased with the progress. The monster disguises himself as office security and finds the little girl trying to convince the receptionist that a monster took her mother. The little girl is so unpersuasive that she actually manages to convince the receptionist that there's no such thing as monsters despite them both living in a city where giant monster battles are a weekly occurrence. The monster then lures her into a trap, but the little girl manages to fight off the cloaked guys with a red ball. Well, that certainly sets a new standard in villain incompetence, then.
Later, Olympius is negotiating with the monster from before for some of the life force that's being harvested. He leaves and Trakeena walks out, and it's rather clearly a new actress playing her. Then again, I wasn't super-fond of the last actress, so I can't say it really bothers me. It turns out that this whole plan is an elaborate scheme for revenge against the Galaxy Rangers for foiling her plans. Trakeena orders the monster to kill the little girl, as she could single-handedly wreck Trakeena's plans.
Carter finds the little girl crying in the park, and the girl explains about the monsters and such. Carter also doesn't believe her, despite the fact that his job mainly consists of fighting monsters. The monster shows up, once more disguised as a security guard and brings the girl her red ball. Carter, being the guy he is, decides to patronize the girl by stalking the security guard.
The other Rangers are still driving around in the Humvee when the run into Leo. Not literally, tragically. Kelsey instantly recognizes him despite never have met him, and the Galaxy Rangers' deeds never being known on Earth. But hey, the writers needed to make time for more scenes with the little girl, so what choice did they have by skipping some important exposition. Leo explains that Trakeena has come to Earth, and the Rangers are attacked by more cloaked guys.
Later, Carter and the little girl are still stalking the monster and run into some more cloaked dudes. He gets his ass bailed out by Maya and Kai who have come to Earth by means of undefined plot device in order to save the day. The scene is only noticeable for the moment when Carter stands next to the Galaxy Rangers in costume and appears to be about three feet taller than them. Anyway, the little girl has passed out due to stress and they decide to take her back the aquabase.
The eight assembled Rangers discuss what's happening. Apparently Leo fucked up when he killed Trakeena and now she's back and draining people's life force to regain her lost power. Then, in lieu of Kai getting his first line of the crossover, Carter goes over to check on how the little girl is doing. There's another monster attack and the little girl wants to come along. Of course Carter says "no" but-wait, he takes her with them? Was this episode written by the actress who plays the little girl? Christ almighty!
The Rangers head down to the beach to fight the monster and everyone morphs. The Galaxy Rangers have a new morphing animation for some reason. Leo attacks and they probably should have found someone to voice over Leo who sounded at least a tiny bit like the original actor. Anyway, the fight goes poorly and the Rangers lose. Er, I think this is the break point for the two-parter. To Be Continued!
Next Time: The Amazing Adventures of the Little Girl continue! Also the remaining Galaxy Rangers make cameo appearances.
Original Airdate: 11-6-2000
Last Time: Chad declared his undying love for a woman who was half-fish.
On Mirinoi, a place I never wanted to see again, Leo grabs his Quasar Saber and the nightmare begins again. He fights some cloaked dudes and it becomes clear that though they got the guy playing Leo for the first unit work, he was unavailable to do any ADR work. The cloaked guys eventually head towards Earth and notLeo screams at them. Credits!
At the park, a little girl is playing hide and seek with her mother. She sees the Rangers drive by in their Humvee. The Rangers help fight a fire, because, well, the Mariner Bay Fire Department can't be trusted in these matters. Joel drops some "water bombs" and some glossy 8x10s of himself.
Elsewhere, the little girl from before goes with her mother to her dad's office. Um...this is a crossover episode with last season's team of Rangers, so I must question whether or not this is an economical use of time. I mean, I wasn't a huge fan of Leo and the rest, but I'd rather follow them than watch the misadventures of a little girl. Anyway, it's a trap or something, and the little girl's mother gets captured by the guys in cloaks.
The mother gets taken down to an evil lab, where she finds her husband has been shrunk down to miniature size. Some monster does the same to the wife and instructs the cloaked guys to start draining her life force. An unfamiliar voice is pleased with the progress. The monster disguises himself as office security and finds the little girl trying to convince the receptionist that a monster took her mother. The little girl is so unpersuasive that she actually manages to convince the receptionist that there's no such thing as monsters despite them both living in a city where giant monster battles are a weekly occurrence. The monster then lures her into a trap, but the little girl manages to fight off the cloaked guys with a red ball. Well, that certainly sets a new standard in villain incompetence, then.
Later, Olympius is negotiating with the monster from before for some of the life force that's being harvested. He leaves and Trakeena walks out, and it's rather clearly a new actress playing her. Then again, I wasn't super-fond of the last actress, so I can't say it really bothers me. It turns out that this whole plan is an elaborate scheme for revenge against the Galaxy Rangers for foiling her plans. Trakeena orders the monster to kill the little girl, as she could single-handedly wreck Trakeena's plans.
Carter finds the little girl crying in the park, and the girl explains about the monsters and such. Carter also doesn't believe her, despite the fact that his job mainly consists of fighting monsters. The monster shows up, once more disguised as a security guard and brings the girl her red ball. Carter, being the guy he is, decides to patronize the girl by stalking the security guard.
The other Rangers are still driving around in the Humvee when the run into Leo. Not literally, tragically. Kelsey instantly recognizes him despite never have met him, and the Galaxy Rangers' deeds never being known on Earth. But hey, the writers needed to make time for more scenes with the little girl, so what choice did they have by skipping some important exposition. Leo explains that Trakeena has come to Earth, and the Rangers are attacked by more cloaked guys.
Later, Carter and the little girl are still stalking the monster and run into some more cloaked dudes. He gets his ass bailed out by Maya and Kai who have come to Earth by means of undefined plot device in order to save the day. The scene is only noticeable for the moment when Carter stands next to the Galaxy Rangers in costume and appears to be about three feet taller than them. Anyway, the little girl has passed out due to stress and they decide to take her back the aquabase.
The eight assembled Rangers discuss what's happening. Apparently Leo fucked up when he killed Trakeena and now she's back and draining people's life force to regain her lost power. Then, in lieu of Kai getting his first line of the crossover, Carter goes over to check on how the little girl is doing. There's another monster attack and the little girl wants to come along. Of course Carter says "no" but-wait, he takes her with them? Was this episode written by the actress who plays the little girl? Christ almighty!
The Rangers head down to the beach to fight the monster and everyone morphs. The Galaxy Rangers have a new morphing animation for some reason. Leo attacks and they probably should have found someone to voice over Leo who sounded at least a tiny bit like the original actor. Anyway, the fight goes poorly and the Rangers lose. Er, I think this is the break point for the two-parter. To Be Continued!
Next Time: The Amazing Adventures of the Little Girl continue! Also the remaining Galaxy Rangers make cameo appearances.
Ocean Blue
Power Rangers: Lightspeed Rescue, Episode 28
Original Airdate: 11-4-2000
Last Time: Kelsey found a thief and browbeat him into become a menial day-laborer. Who's the real villain here?
On the beach, Vypra frees a mermaid chained to a rock. Wait, that doesn't sound right at all! It's all part of Vypra's master plan to....I have no idea. Credits!
Later, at the local pier, some teenagers are throwing trash into the ocean, which upsets the mermaid. Chad's also there and bitches to the kids to stop it. They start throwing trash at him instead. It may be the most realistic moment in this show's history. In response, Chad kicks the pier so hard that it knocks the kids off of the dock and into the water. Verisimilitude lost! Chad notices the mermaid but only sees her top half. Kelsey calls Chad out of the water, and the mermaid vanishes.
Back at the aquabase, Captain Mitchell is abusing his power to order the Rangers around by making Chad reconnect some severed video cables. Chad fixes the cable as the mermaid watches, and a rock fall starts tumbling towards him. He eventually makes it back to the aquabase, but loses consciousness. When he wakes up, he remember being rescued by a mysterious girl who was able to breathe underwater. The other Rangers leave him to recuperate, and as soon as they do, the mermaid reappears in the window of the aquabase and Chad realizes that she's real...and a mermaid...and that he's in love with a mermaid. It's been a big day for the guy.
The mermaid returns back to her home and finds Vypra waiting for her. The mermaid spontaneously starts talking about how much she loves Chad. Vypra has somehow seen this entire thing coming and has already prepared a trap in the form of a dolphin pin that the mermaid can give to Chad in order to win his heart. I mean, I could understand thinking ahead, but I just have no idea how Vypra put this all together. I guess she saw the chained mermaid and thought, "Well, if I free her, then she'll probably hang around at the beach, and Chad'll probably head down there at some point, and, Chad being Chad, will do something ocean-friendly. This will inspire the mermaid to fall in love with Chad, and that's when I'll make my move."
Later, Chad has taken a jet ski to the middle of the ocean to look for the mermaid, but has no luck. He parks his jst ski at the dock, and only then does the mermaid reappear. The mermaid introduces herself as Marina, and gives Chad Vypra's gift. The gift forms chains around Chad and he's carted off by Vypra and some Batlings. Vypra immediately starts torturing Chad with her inability to inflect properly, and Marina manages to get captured as well. Of course, the villains not exactly being a brain trust, they decide to kill Marina by attaching an anchor to her fish tail and sinking her under the water. She's a mermaid, damn it! How the hell is that supposed to work?
Vypra then decides to delay killing Chad just long enough for him to escape his chains. Then Chad, being the brilliant man that he is, decides that he, who cannot breathe underwater, has no choice but to dive under the sea in order to save Marina. He saves her and then emerges from the water to confront Vypra. Chad fights some Batlings, and then the other Rangers show up. Vypra and Loki retreat, but not before Vypra announces that she's found the Rangers' weakness "love." Even Loki isn't buying that one.
Later, Chad waits for Marina at the pier. She shows up to explain that she wasn't complicit in Vypra's scheme and to explain that it's not going to work out between them...what with the staggering biological incompatibilities. Chad wants to work it out, but well, unless he sprout a fish tail, it ain't happening, and Marina swims away. The other Rangers have been waiting for Chad, and Kelsey comes over to talk to him. Chad declares Marina his true love. I...fine. you know what fine, let's just accept this episode and move on. What? Marina comes back a few episodes down the line? Motherfucker! Show Over!
Next Time: Speaking of things I never wanted to see again....
Original Airdate: 11-4-2000
Last Time: Kelsey found a thief and browbeat him into become a menial day-laborer. Who's the real villain here?
On the beach, Vypra frees a mermaid chained to a rock. Wait, that doesn't sound right at all! It's all part of Vypra's master plan to....I have no idea. Credits!
Later, at the local pier, some teenagers are throwing trash into the ocean, which upsets the mermaid. Chad's also there and bitches to the kids to stop it. They start throwing trash at him instead. It may be the most realistic moment in this show's history. In response, Chad kicks the pier so hard that it knocks the kids off of the dock and into the water. Verisimilitude lost! Chad notices the mermaid but only sees her top half. Kelsey calls Chad out of the water, and the mermaid vanishes.
Back at the aquabase, Captain Mitchell is abusing his power to order the Rangers around by making Chad reconnect some severed video cables. Chad fixes the cable as the mermaid watches, and a rock fall starts tumbling towards him. He eventually makes it back to the aquabase, but loses consciousness. When he wakes up, he remember being rescued by a mysterious girl who was able to breathe underwater. The other Rangers leave him to recuperate, and as soon as they do, the mermaid reappears in the window of the aquabase and Chad realizes that she's real...and a mermaid...and that he's in love with a mermaid. It's been a big day for the guy.
The mermaid returns back to her home and finds Vypra waiting for her. The mermaid spontaneously starts talking about how much she loves Chad. Vypra has somehow seen this entire thing coming and has already prepared a trap in the form of a dolphin pin that the mermaid can give to Chad in order to win his heart. I mean, I could understand thinking ahead, but I just have no idea how Vypra put this all together. I guess she saw the chained mermaid and thought, "Well, if I free her, then she'll probably hang around at the beach, and Chad'll probably head down there at some point, and, Chad being Chad, will do something ocean-friendly. This will inspire the mermaid to fall in love with Chad, and that's when I'll make my move."
Later, Chad has taken a jet ski to the middle of the ocean to look for the mermaid, but has no luck. He parks his jst ski at the dock, and only then does the mermaid reappear. The mermaid introduces herself as Marina, and gives Chad Vypra's gift. The gift forms chains around Chad and he's carted off by Vypra and some Batlings. Vypra immediately starts torturing Chad with her inability to inflect properly, and Marina manages to get captured as well. Of course, the villains not exactly being a brain trust, they decide to kill Marina by attaching an anchor to her fish tail and sinking her under the water. She's a mermaid, damn it! How the hell is that supposed to work?
Vypra then decides to delay killing Chad just long enough for him to escape his chains. Then Chad, being the brilliant man that he is, decides that he, who cannot breathe underwater, has no choice but to dive under the sea in order to save Marina. He saves her and then emerges from the water to confront Vypra. Chad fights some Batlings, and then the other Rangers show up. Vypra and Loki retreat, but not before Vypra announces that she's found the Rangers' weakness "love." Even Loki isn't buying that one.
Later, Chad waits for Marina at the pier. She shows up to explain that she wasn't complicit in Vypra's scheme and to explain that it's not going to work out between them...what with the staggering biological incompatibilities. Chad wants to work it out, but well, unless he sprout a fish tail, it ain't happening, and Marina swims away. The other Rangers have been waiting for Chad, and Kelsey comes over to talk to him. Chad declares Marina his true love. I...fine. you know what fine, let's just accept this episode and move on. What? Marina comes back a few episodes down the line? Motherfucker! Show Over!
Next Time: Speaking of things I never wanted to see again....
The Great Egg Caper
Power Rangers: Lightspeed Rescue, Episode 27
Original Airdate: 11-3-2000
Last Time: Joel and Chad got "Mega Battles" which were stupid-looking pieces of armor with ridiculously weaponry the likes of which were so awful that they can only have been an American invention. Viva la estados unidos!
Today's episode is called "The Great Egg Caper," and that may be the worst episode title in Power Rangers history. At the ziggurat o' sociopathy, Diabolico finds Olympius holding an egg and makes fun of him, even after Olympius explains that the egg is definitely going to grow into a monster that will take the Rangers upwards of thirty seconds to destroy. Vypra comes into to remind us that she can't act. Olympius gives the egg to Jinxer for safekeeping. Credits!
Kelsey rollerblades into town and sees a guy shoplift fruit. Kelsey, narc that she is, immediately chases after him. A less-than-thrilling skateboard v. rollerblade chase occurs until the thief manages to get on the back of a truck and gets away. Kelsey tries to pursue him further, but the thief slows her down by throwing the apples he stole in her way. He then hides in some trees at the park and sees Jinxer and some Batlings moving the egg around Mariner Bay in broad daylight. The thief makes too much noise and is captured by the Batlings, but swiftly rescued by Kelsey and the other Rangers.
During the ensuing fracas, the thief manages to steal the egg, which causes Jinxer to retreat. Elsewhere, the thief ponders the egg, despite not knowing what it is. Back at this base, Jinxer decides to summon a bird monster that comes complete with Looney Toon visual effects and Snagglepuss' voice. I think Jinxer may want to try again.
In the apparently Japanese-only department store, some Batlings steal some eggs for the bird monster, who quickly realizes how utterly moronic that plan is. The Rangers show up and trick the monster into explaining what the egg actually is via reverse psychology. Just then, a flight of fliers rain down on the Rangers and the monster. It's a message from the thief, who is holding the egg hostage for $20,000. Kelsey catches sight of the thief, who actually came to the department store to pass out his ransom note. He's not a very good criminal.
The Rangers give chase and catch him, but the thief manages to escape by tricking Kelsey into opening a container he had booby-trapped with foam snakes. The Rangers decide to go with plan B, which involves putting on disguises and waiting around at the designated meeting point. Carter is a businessman! Dana is some sort of alternative rocker! Chad is a fisherman with a fake mustache! Kelsey is an old woman! Joel is....also an old woman! Um...is there any good reason for Joel to dress up as a woman other than because the writers thought it was mildly amusing? No? Okay, then.
Meanwhile, some Batlings have arrived dressed as men in suits and fedoras. I should point out that the meeting place is the beach, so, they are kind of conspicuous. Okay, neither side is competent at any sort of espionage. Good to know. The thief decides to use a remote control helicopter and a bucket tied to a jet ski to escape with the real egg and the money. Kelsey and some Batlings give chase as the other Rangers fight the bird monster. Kelsey saves the thief, who still wants to keep the money. Kelsey admonishes the thief and heads off the help the other Rangers.
The Rangers fight the bird monster for a while, and then the thief manages to distract the monster with the egg just long enough for the Rangers to kill him. The monster grows and the Rangers call on the Supertrain and it takes them a bit longer than usual, but they kill the monster nonetheless.
Later, Olympius is pissed that Jinxer managed to get the egg destroyed. Back in Mariner Bay, it turns out that the thief was stealing so that he could feed the homeless, but he's decided that crime doesn't pay and has become a stockboy at the local fruit stand. Wow, that's a grim fate for any man. Show Over!
Next Time: Chad gets a girlfriend and she's almost half-human!
Original Airdate: 11-3-2000
Last Time: Joel and Chad got "Mega Battles" which were stupid-looking pieces of armor with ridiculously weaponry the likes of which were so awful that they can only have been an American invention. Viva la estados unidos!
Today's episode is called "The Great Egg Caper," and that may be the worst episode title in Power Rangers history. At the ziggurat o' sociopathy, Diabolico finds Olympius holding an egg and makes fun of him, even after Olympius explains that the egg is definitely going to grow into a monster that will take the Rangers upwards of thirty seconds to destroy. Vypra comes into to remind us that she can't act. Olympius gives the egg to Jinxer for safekeeping. Credits!
Kelsey rollerblades into town and sees a guy shoplift fruit. Kelsey, narc that she is, immediately chases after him. A less-than-thrilling skateboard v. rollerblade chase occurs until the thief manages to get on the back of a truck and gets away. Kelsey tries to pursue him further, but the thief slows her down by throwing the apples he stole in her way. He then hides in some trees at the park and sees Jinxer and some Batlings moving the egg around Mariner Bay in broad daylight. The thief makes too much noise and is captured by the Batlings, but swiftly rescued by Kelsey and the other Rangers.
During the ensuing fracas, the thief manages to steal the egg, which causes Jinxer to retreat. Elsewhere, the thief ponders the egg, despite not knowing what it is. Back at this base, Jinxer decides to summon a bird monster that comes complete with Looney Toon visual effects and Snagglepuss' voice. I think Jinxer may want to try again.
In the apparently Japanese-only department store, some Batlings steal some eggs for the bird monster, who quickly realizes how utterly moronic that plan is. The Rangers show up and trick the monster into explaining what the egg actually is via reverse psychology. Just then, a flight of fliers rain down on the Rangers and the monster. It's a message from the thief, who is holding the egg hostage for $20,000. Kelsey catches sight of the thief, who actually came to the department store to pass out his ransom note. He's not a very good criminal.
The Rangers give chase and catch him, but the thief manages to escape by tricking Kelsey into opening a container he had booby-trapped with foam snakes. The Rangers decide to go with plan B, which involves putting on disguises and waiting around at the designated meeting point. Carter is a businessman! Dana is some sort of alternative rocker! Chad is a fisherman with a fake mustache! Kelsey is an old woman! Joel is....also an old woman! Um...is there any good reason for Joel to dress up as a woman other than because the writers thought it was mildly amusing? No? Okay, then.
Meanwhile, some Batlings have arrived dressed as men in suits and fedoras. I should point out that the meeting place is the beach, so, they are kind of conspicuous. Okay, neither side is competent at any sort of espionage. Good to know. The thief decides to use a remote control helicopter and a bucket tied to a jet ski to escape with the real egg and the money. Kelsey and some Batlings give chase as the other Rangers fight the bird monster. Kelsey saves the thief, who still wants to keep the money. Kelsey admonishes the thief and heads off the help the other Rangers.
The Rangers fight the bird monster for a while, and then the thief manages to distract the monster with the egg just long enough for the Rangers to kill him. The monster grows and the Rangers call on the Supertrain and it takes them a bit longer than usual, but they kill the monster nonetheless.
Later, Olympius is pissed that Jinxer managed to get the egg destroyed. Back in Mariner Bay, it turns out that the thief was stealing so that he could feed the homeless, but he's decided that crime doesn't pay and has become a stockboy at the local fruit stand. Wow, that's a grim fate for any man. Show Over!
Next Time: Chad gets a girlfriend and she's almost half-human!
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