Prelude to a Storm

Power Rangers: Ninja Storm, Episode 1

Original Airdate: 2-15-2003

Last Time: Wild Force....my God....Wild Force.

A narrator pops up to tell us that there are secret ninja academies, and that three aspiring ninjas are about to become Power Rangers. It's happening. Deal with it. Credits!

On the waves of, oh, let's just pretend that it's California, Tori is doing some surfing. At the local skate park, Shane is skateboarding, and Dustin screws around with a motorbike, because the producers want to make sure we know how extreme these characters are, even though they're already ninjas. The teens assemble at Tori's hippie van, and Shane discusses that people have different personality types. This somehow leads to them discussing the Power Rangers, who Tori believes are a myth. Also, it's worth noting that her actress is waging a losing battle with a fake American accent. They drive through the wilds of...man, isn't there a part of New Zealand that looks more like America?

Anyway, the reach a waterfall, and are attacked by ninjas. The future Rangers respond by taking off their clothes to reveal ninja jumpsuits, for they too are ninjas. Unfortunately, they aren't very good ninjas, and are defeated. Unfortunately, this does not immediately end the season, as this was just a test. Their sensei flies to the scene in the form of a hawk and scolds them for their ninja failures. Dustin claims that the tongue-lashing wasn't so bad, and seeing as ninjas usually are more ruthless than "mild disapproval," I tend to agree.

At the campus of the academy, the sensei scolds them a bit more, and threatens to expel them....which, given that they're ninjas, probably is a euphemism for summary execution. The sensei's son, Cameron, shows up to wonder why the sensei insists on keeping a ragtag team of multiethnic teenagers around.

The reason soon becomes clear as an ominous spaceship appears in orbit. But since that would be exciting, the show makes us meet some more supporting cast members instead. At a place called Storm Chargers, Dustin is working on something, and suddenly has to leave for class with Shane and Tori. Apparently he has a boss named Kelly who also has a poor grasp of the General Midwestern Accent. Tori stops her car to help some people fix a car, because when I think ninjas, I think good samaritans.

Back at the academy, Sensei realizes that someone named Lothor is back, and races off to meet him. The villain starts sacking the academy with his goons and some mooks named Kelzacks.

Meanwhile, the future Rangers are worried about getting in trouble for being late. It turns out not to be a problem as all of the other ninja students get captured and the academy destroyed.

On Lothor's spaceship, Lothor stops his nieces Kapri and Marah from bickering and decides to conquer Earth, as apparently only secret ninja armies stood in his way. One of his general informs him that there are still three ninja students unaccounted for, and he orders them destroyed. You know, if you're plans of world domination are capable of being foiled by three of the most incompetent ninja trainees on the planet, you really have to rethink things.

At the ruins of their ninja academy, the three idiots find Cam and get attacked by Lothor, who decides to just blast away at them from orbit. Cam leads everyone into a conveniently placed cellar which leads them to a secret ninja base located in a secret ninja base. That kind of sounds neat, let's see how long it takes the writers to ruin it!

Three seconds! A small remote controlled cart pulls up and it turns out that Sensei has been turned into a CGI guinea pig, who is wearing a miniature version of Sensei's normal outfit. Sensei explains that long ago, Lothor was sent into space....by rival ninjas who feared his lust for power. I wasn't aware that the ninjas had their own space program. Anyway, when Sensei fought Lothor, he got turned into a guinea pig and can't turn back. Lothor now plans to attack the Earth, and Sensei decides it's time to hand out the morphers to Tori, Shane and Dustin. Cam is hesitant to trust those three as their primary identifying feature up to this point has been their suckiness, but Sensi insists.

The Rangers get their morphers and Dustin reacts as you'd expect a guy whose smoked about three bowls that day to react. Sensei declares them Wind Rangers, and Shane asks exactly what the hell they're supposed to be doing, and they have no idea. Sensei announces this season's morphing catchphrase, "Ninja Storm, Ranger Form." Christ, that's....no, do it again! Just because it rhymes doesn't make it good!

Okay, time for the first monster fight. The Rangers morph and engage in a fight that sets back ten years of progress in ADR. Anyway, the fight out the Kelzacks until the monster attacks them personally, which leads to them bringing out....hangliders. Wow. When I first started this blog and was going Turbo, I thought, "Man, no mode of transportation is ever going to be dumber than go-karts." Anyway, they eventually blow the monster up by combining their power weapons.

Later, the Rangers celebrate in obnoxious fashion and Sensei points out that there's still 37 episodes to go. Show Over!

Next Time: I take a sabbatical!

Power Rangers: Ninja Storm 101

Another year, another season....

-Transcript Begins-

Doug Sloan: Ah, after six years I'm free, time to conquer Power Rangers! Hey, intern, do you see what I did there?

Intern: Um....yes, hey, when Saban left, his last act was to chain me to this desk, now I can't imagine this is legal so if you could just-

Sloan: No time for that! It's time to create a new season....a better season, that'll show Saban for firing me in the middle of Turbo...

Intern: So, you aren't going to let me go, then?

Sloan: Absolutely not! Now, what was the Sentai footage all about this season?

Intern: Um....Ninjas, I guess.

Sloan: Splendid, who doesn't like ninjas? Now, I think the Rangers should be students at a ninja academy and, to make them underdogs, they'll be the worst students there.

Intern: Wait, a ninja academy? Where does this show take place?

Sloan: Well, we're filming it in New Zealand, so as to escape the evil socialist regulations of the Screen Actors Guild, but we're going to pretend it's in California.

Intern: So, there's a ninja academy in California?

Sloan: There are many ninja academies in California. Anyway, one day, some bad dude attacks all of the Ninja schools and captures all of the ninja students except for the five Rangers-

Intern: Three, sir.

Sloan: What are going on about.

Intern: The footage has only three Rangers for quite a few episodes.

Sloan: Oh....well, okay, then everyone except for the three Rangers, and so they have to become Power Rangers to stop the villain.

Intern: Wait, so, they're ninja students, but then they become Power Rangers?

Sloan: Precisely. Now, we'll need some characters, first up, I want a Red Ranger who isn't White, I think we're ready for a Ranger leader of color.

Intern: Er....T.J. was black.

Sloan: Bah!


Sloan: How about the first Indian Red Ranger, then? No one's done that before!

Intern: According to the actor's bio, he's Maori...

Sloan: Er....well, in that case, let us never mention his ethnicity so that the kids don't figure out that he's not really American.

Intern: Yeah, about that, it turns out that most of these New Zealand based actors aren't really that good at faking an American accent....and that's having a somewhat problematic effect on-

Sloan: Enough of your complaints! Now, hope about the first female Blue Ranger, that'd be pretty groundbreaking, eh?

Intern: Well, yes, but looking at the footage we have, the Blue Ranger basically has to either be a girl or a crossdresser.

Sloan: Is there a reason that you have to ruin everything. I can see why Saban imprisoned you in this office. Anyway, I've decided that the blue Ranger will be a girl and surfer, end of discussion.

Intern: Okay, and her name?

Sloan: Oh, who cares, it's the girl of team....and, incidentally, I've decided that she'll be the only girl on the team, so how about Tori?

Intern: Wait, only one girl?

Sloan: Yeah, it's not like girls are buying the toys anyway. Hell, I wouldn't have a female Ranger at all if the footage would let me, but no.......they had to include a girl. Anyway, I just remembered that we don't have a white guy or any sort of comic relief, and you need both of those. Fortunately, I have a plan to combine those two characters into one:

Intern: Dustin? Who's named Dustin?

Sloan: Okay, now, the Rangers need a mentor, I was thinking a wise old sensei.

Intern: Well, anything's an improvement over last year's....unpleasantness with Shayla, so I-

Sloan: And he's been turned into a guinea pig.


Intern: Oh, God, why would you do that? Just why?

Sloan: Because I can, little Intern, because I can. Finally, we'll need a villain, now I saw last season, and I noticed one glaring problem with that season's head villain.

Intern: In all honesty, you probably should have found a lot more than one problem.

Sloan: The problem, of course, was that he wasn't wearing a cool mask.

Intern: Well....that's....

Sloan: Finally, Power Rangers is back on track.

-Transcript Ends-